Self-Care & Mental Wellness: Dr. Connell Cowan On The Top Five Selfcare Practices That Improve Mental Wellness

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Effectively managing stress is essential to mental wellness. This requires first making sure not to mismanage stress and avoiding unhealthy self-soothing techniques such as excessive drinking, impulse buying, or overeating. These coping mechanisms are used to either excite or calm oneself. Healthy self-soothing takes discipline, trading short-term comfort for long-term gain. An excellent way to begin would be to build a daily mindfulness meditation session.

Let’s face it. It seems that everyone is under a great deal of stress these days. This takes a toll on our mental wellness. What are some of the best self-care practices that we can use to help improve our mental wellness and mental well-being? In this interview series, we are talking to medical doctors, mental health professionals, health and wellness professionals, and experts about self-care or mental health who can share insights from their experience about How Each Of Us Can Use Self Care To Improve Our Mental Wellness. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Dr. Connell Cowan.

Dr. Connell Cowan (Los Angeles, CA) is a clinical psychologist. He co-wrote Smart Women/Foolish Choices, a runaway bestseller that spawned an entire genre of books dealing with male/female dilemmas. Dr. Cowan also established the Human Sciences Center in Los Angeles, and the innovative work he developed there was featured on CBS’s “60 Minutes.” He is the co-author of OVERRIDE: Discover Your Brain Type, Why You Do What You Do, and How to Do It Better (October 2022)

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!

It was our limitations that drove my co-author and me. As a physician and a psychologist, we sought tools to help our patients make changes that would improve their physical and mental health. We researched to understand the resistance to change that made those adjustments so tricky. We found that key hiding in our brain chemistry and our relationship with discomfort.

What is your “WHY” behind what you do? What fuels you?

Most of what I do by choice is fueled by a sense of engagement or play, the challenge of rearranging a new set of puzzle pieces. There is little I enjoy more than the pleasure of being able to master and shape an intended result. This makes even the mundane more interesting.

Sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake or failure which you now appreciate has taught you a valuable lesson?

In short, three wives and three failed marriages. I should have written Smart Men/Foolish Choices. I learned something valuable about myself (who I was and who I wasn’t) from each and finally got it right, having been with my partner for 34 years.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Belief in the unlikely — I’ve been able to make, do, and create things that would have been daunting if I’d considered the probability of success. Relentless persistence — If I start something, I push it to the end. An enduring interest in and empathy for the human condition and its foibles.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now? How do you think that will help people?

The book I recently co-authored with my friend and colleague, David Kipper, M.D.: Override: Discover Your Brain Type, Why You Do What You Do, How to Do It Better. When we understand how much our brain chemistry controls us, we can use effective strategies to make lasting improvements in our lives. We cope with the stresses of everyday life by trying to stay comfortable, often to our detriment. For example, social anxiety and performance issues are byproducts of chemicals in one’s body, not personal weaknesses. We all can maximize the strengths of our particular stress coping styles. The book also illustrates via stories and has practical tips on overcoming our weaknesses.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview, about the interface between self-care and mental health. From where you stand personally or professionally, why are you so passionate about mental well-being?

Not only is it central to my world writ small, but it is also critical to understanding the most fundamental dynamics that animate our complex global society today. Everything from patterns of migration to political extremism, from our differing responses to Covid to opiate abuse, our obesity epidemic to the soaring suicide rates: We are one stressed-out world and paying a heavy price because of it.

Based on your research or experience, how exactly does self-care impact our mental wellness?

Self-care is not necessarily intuitive. To make any real difference, it has to be intentional and practiced on a regular basis. How we learn to soothe ourselves constructively, build healthy routines, and construct nurturing social connections requires energy, planning, and refinement. Done right, none of these things is an accident. Making self-care a priority pays real dividends in effecting how we think and feel as much as it will in keeping your wits and memory intact down the road ahead.

Here is our primary question. Can you please share your “Top Five Selfcare Practices That Each Of Us Can Use To Improve Our Mental Wellness”?

1. Mental wellness begins and is sustained by foundational physical wellness. Getting regular exercise, eating a low glycemic, anti-inflammatory diet, and getting enough sleep all have proven mental and physical benefits. They are a retardant to all age-related illnesses, such as heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and various dementias.
2. Effectively managing stress is essential to mental wellness. This requires first making sure not to mismanage stress and avoiding unhealthy self-soothing techniques such as excessive drinking, impulse buying, or overeating. These coping mechanisms are used to either excite or calm oneself. Healthy self-soothing takes discipline, trading short-term comfort for long-term gain. An excellent way to begin would be to build a daily mindfulness meditation session.
3. Mental wellness is intimately connected to having active social connections. For many of us, the pandemic has had a negative effect on maintaining nurturing personal relationships. We’ve gotten used to working remotely and relating to screens that are no substitute for the warmth and substance of face-to-face contact. It’s vital to shore up your connections, make that phone call, and throw out an invitation. Extend yourself.
4. Our mental wellness is enhanced by challenging old habits. Because our brains are calorie conscious, they love to aggregate chunks of behavior together and relegate them to habits that burn fewer calories. Take a close look at your life’s rote thematic patterns and habits. How many of them are constructive and done by choice? How many are more related to the comfort of the familiar? Challenge the ones that don’t serve you. Living a more intentional life boosts mood and self-esteem.
5. Making sure to have a critical path forward is intimately linked to mental wellness. Making a conscious note of that path makes understanding whether we are on it (or not) clear. The three most essential components of this path are having something to do, something to love (not necessarily a person), and something to hope for. This triad creates feelings of effectiveness, engagement, creativity, and a sturdy connection to the future.

Can you please share a few of the main roadblocks that prevent people from making better self-care choices? What would you suggest can be done to overcome those roadblocks?

We let our brains push us around. We may not make better self-care choices because human nature makes us habit and comfort bound. Good mental self-care often requires tolerating moments of emotional discomfort. Much of how we relate to this is rooted in our particular brain chemistry. For some of us, our better choices are constrained by being risk-averse and avoidant. This is related to having too little of the brain’s chemical serotonin. And for others, their better choices are reduced by being impulsive, risk-tolerant, and reward driven (not having enough dopamine).

Understanding these inherited tendencies can go a long way toward saying no to the actions and decisions that are comfortable to our brain chemistry and yes to the self-care choices that make sense and are consistent with the betterment of our lives.

In one sentence, what would you say to someone who doesn’t prioritize their mental well-being?

Not prioritizing your mental well-being handicaps the control and degrees of freedom you can create for yourself and it carries the potential for unintended and grave consequences to your physical well-being.

Thank you for all that great insight! Let’s start wrapping up. Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does this quote resonate with you so much?

“If you don’t chew your food, who will?” (Written on a bathroom wall). The centerpiece of a successful life is the willingness to grapple with our most essential selves, gems, warts, and all.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? They might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

I’d love to share a meal with my favorite writer Cormac McCarthy. An old professor of mine once said I would learn more about the human condition from reading the great novels than from any class I might take. He was right.

I truly appreciate your time and valuable contribution. One last question. How can our readers best reach or follow you?

Our website is: overridebooks.com.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.