Self-Care & Mental Wellness: Lisa S Larsen On The Top Five Selfcare Practices That Improve Mental Wellness

An Interview With Maria Angelova

I need to be able to laugh at life. As vexing and strange as life has been in the past few years, it is a continual source of amusement as well. I must stay humble so that I can laugh at myself and realize that I don’t have all the answers, I’m not always right, I’m not always effective, and sometimes I’m just plain silly. For this reason, I love telling jokes and hearing humor that is not harmful to other people. Anyone can tell you that I’m not that good at telling jokes, but that’s okay because I’m not a comedian. All I have to do is appreciate the absurdity of life and not get too serious about the state of the world or my own importance.

Let’s face it. It seems that everyone is under a great deal of stress these days. This takes a toll on our mental wellness. What are some of the best self-care practices that we can use to help improve our mental wellness and mental well-being? In this interview series, we are talking to medical doctors, mental health professionals, health and wellness professionals, and experts about self-care or mental health who can share insights from their experience about How Each of Us Can Use Self Care To Improve Our Mental Wellness. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD.

Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD has been helping people get unstuck from trauma and grief for the past 19 years, most recently in Southern California. She has been in private practice since 2004; prior to establishing her private practice, she worked in community mental health clinics and drug and alcohol abuse programs in the San Francisco Bay Area. She now lives and practices in Lancaster, California and provides tele-mental health for adolescents and adults in California and Florida.

Thank you so much for doing this interview with us. It is a great honor. Our readers would love to learn more about you and your personal background. Can you please share your personal story? What has brought you to this point in your life?

Thank you for interviewing me; I’m honored as well. I was particularly interested in this topic because my life has been pointing me towards greater self-care at every turn. I used to take my physical well-being for granted, and took many foolish risks when I was young. Unfortunately, that was a bad idea, because it led to poor health and many physical injuries. I’ve had to learn the hard way to slow down, pay attention to my environment and the things that I do with my body, and how I feed and nourish my body. I have also had to set healthy boundaries with people in my personal and professional life so that I was not emotionally or physically endangered.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area as an only child, and I was somewhat dissociated from my body. I was physically clumsy and got injured frequently because I didn’t notice where was going. I wish I could say that was isolated to childhood and adolescence, but it persisted into adulthood.

I didn’t realize the degree of my disconnection from my body until adulthood, but it became a pattern that has cost me emotionally and physically. I’ve developed a chronic illness and I am frequently physically disabled. In a way, I have created the need to be ever more aware of how I take care of myself. I could see this as a curse, which I admit I sometimes do. However, on a good day, I see it as a blessing because I’ve developed more empathy and compassion for myself and others. I’m keenly aware of how one person can do something very easily, while another person struggles tremendously with the same task. You might not know their struggles by looking at them, but once you get to know their story and their challenges, you see that we are all in need of care in some way or other.

What is your “WHY” behind what you do? What fuels you?

My passion is to help people love themselves and others unconditionally. My work allows me to assist people with removing the obstacles to self-love and a genuine connection with others. Trauma, loss, low self-esteem, and alienation from mainstream society are some of the obstacles that I help people overcome in their quest for greater happiness and meaning in their lives. When I see someone overcome their traumatic past or wade through the muck of their depression and anxiety, to the other side where they can enjoy the company of family, friends, and coworkers, it inspires me and makes me feel that my efforts are fruitful.

Sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake or failure which you now appreciate has taught you a valuable lesson?

As I mentioned, the injuries and resulting pain that I’ve experienced have honed my skills at becoming more mindful of my actions and movements. Instead of thinking about the future or the past, I am forced (if I don’t want to get hurt) to consciously experience my body moving through space. Recently, I hurt my foot by not paying attention to a pothole in a parking lot. This injury has been significant, but I have used it to connect to the present moment more carefully and consistently. I have practiced mentally rehearsing the act of walking, for at least 20 minutes a day since the injury occurred. I have paid more attention to my body than ever before, and while it is not always pleasant or comfortable, it has been supremely valuable in developing the skills to prevent future injuries, I believe. If I can have patience and faith, and combine that with ongoing mindfulness, I will have learned something immeasurably useful.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Thank you. I like to think that I have courage, accountability, and kindness going for me.

The courage I have is not in doing dangerous things or taking huge risks that other people would acknowledge as awesome or remarkable. However, I do have the courage to face my own faults and be honest when I’ve made a mistake. I used to see myself more as a victim of circumstance and when I injured myself, I saw that as just bad luck. I didn’t connect that I was the one acting, I was the one not paying attention. Believe it or not, it was brutal to realize that I was responsible for my injuries. It probably sounds crazy, right? But once I was able to accept and acknowledge that I must oversee my own well-being, I felt more empowered and then I could act more consciously on my own behalf. I couldn’t do that if I remained in denial and blamed everything on a bad childhood or on people, places and things outside of myself. So as uncomfortable as it was to accept this, I swallowed hard and looked at myself honestly. I’m so grateful that I did that.

Along these lines, I have grown to be more accountable and responsible for my own actions. Sometimes, it would be more expedient to blame someone else or lie about my mistakes. However, I’m committed to taking responsibility for whatever I do professionally or personally. If I hurt someone’s feelings, I immediately apologize and try to make amends. If I do something poorly as a psychologist, I seek to learn how to do it better in the future. I also seek consultation from my peers to do a better job in a preventative way.

Finally, I always seek the kindest way to communicate with other people. If I don’t have kind words for others, either personally or professionally, I wait until my emotions have settled and then, and only then, I strive to come up with a better way to get my point across. I also think about what is best for everyone involved. If that is not easily apparent, I talk to trusted peers and friends about their opinions. I also refer to my professional ethics and my spiritual beliefs, which informed me about the aspirational duties for a given situation.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now? How do you think that will help people?

I am developing a hybrid group for trauma survivors that combines pre-recorded video education, a companion workbook, and a support group that incorporates coping skills, guided meditation, and integration of traumatic memories. I think this will help trauma survivors develop better coping abilities, as well as resolving traumatic events from their past. Education about trauma is crucial, so that people do not feel that they are wrong for having symptoms of posttraumatic stress.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview, about the interface between self-care and mental health. From where you stand personally or professionally, why are you so passionate about mental well-being?

As I mentioned, I have had to learn the hard way that self-care is a vital ingredient to loving oneself and others more completely. I think it would be hypocritical to advocate self-care if I did not have to devote considerable time and effort towards the same goal. When I take better care of myself, I can be a better wife, friend, psychologist, and overall human being in the community. When I don’t practice good self-care, I can be difficult to be around, either because I’m sad and crying, irritable, or distant from others. I try to avoid getting to this point as much as possible, and good self-care is the key to achieving that.

Based on your research or experience, how exactly does self-care impact our mental wellness?

Self-care impacts mental wellness by preventing burnout, stress and anxiety. It also sends the message to yourself that you are important and deserve respectful consideration, which bolsters self-esteem. Self-care is also important for feeling in control of your own well-being. If there are things that you can do proactively, such as get enough sleep, reduce your intake of drugs or alcohol, get enough exercise, or challenge your negative thinking, you can feel proud about fulfilling your own needs and noticing the positive results. For mental health workers, the most effective self-care strategies include awareness; flexibility; balance; social support; tending to physical needs; and spirituality. People can also achieve self-awareness through journaling, creative expression, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

As you probably know, physical wellness and mental well-being are reciprocally and intimately connected. People with illnesses such as diabetes can change their physical outcomes by engaging in self-care and having adequate social support. There are many examples of how the mind-body connection enhances mental well-being. Research supports active involvement in your physical and mental well-being, and a collaborative relationship with healthcare providers. Additionally, self-care and participation in one’s own recovery can increase your quality of life, improve subjective well-being, and enhance your positive sense of self.

Here is our primary question. Can you please share your “Top Five Selfcare Practices That Each of Us Can Use to Improve Our Mental Wellness”?

My top five self-care practices include maintaining balance between work and life; developing and maintaining self-awareness; tending to my physical and spiritual needs; and not taking myself too seriously.

I love my work, sometimes a little too much. However, I routinely engage in activities that are not work-related so that I avoid burnout and undue stress. For me, making jewelry, meditation, reading about Eastern religions, and swimming are ways to avoid workaholism, which is very important for my mental well-being. I also have a consultation group to talk about challenging cases, and friends outside of the profession. This helps me avoid isolation, as well as feel rewarded for my hard work.

As I said above, I meditate daily and I believe this helps me center myself. It also helps me become aware of risks and signs of burnout or unrealistic expectations. The more I meditate, the greater awareness I have, which helps me keep track of my needs, my internal experiences, and how I’m interacting with the world. Awareness has been found to be effective for self-care in many ways. I find that meditation and chanting help me stay centered the most. It’s a break in all the mental activity that goes on constantly.

Awareness and mindfulness help me attend to my physical and spiritual needs. Without awareness, I do not know what I’m missing or remember what’s important to me. Every time my mind strays from the present moment during meditation or chanting, I have the unique opportunity to notice what is pulling me forward or backward in time. What is distracting me from living here, now? Is that thing that’s distracting me more important than moving carefully and avoiding injury, or more pressing than being aware of my needs? I think the mind is like a filter that needs to be cleared out regularly. Otherwise, the filter becomes clogged and nothing can pass through it anymore. If I’m always thinking about continuing education or bills to be paid, how can I notice whether I’m hungry, whether I have enough rest, or if I feel sad or happy? It all works together, you see.

Finally, I need to be able to laugh at life. As vexing and strange as life has been in the past few years, it is a continual source of amusement as well. I must stay humble so that I can laugh at myself and realize that I don’t have all the answers, I’m not always right, I’m not always effective, and sometimes I’m just plain silly. For this reason, I love telling jokes and hearing humor that is not harmful to other people. Anyone can tell you that I’m not that good at telling jokes, but that’s okay because I’m not a comedian. All I have to do is appreciate the absurdity of life and not get too serious about the state of the world or my own importance.

Can you please share a few of the main roadblocks that prevent people from making better self-care choices? What would you suggest can be done to overcome those roadblocks?

Some of the main roadblocks that I see to self-care include poor self-esteem; societal stigma against non-productivity; and devaluation of self-care as silly or “fluffy.”

Self-esteem and self-compassion require a certain prioritization of yourself as worthy of time and attention. If you feel unworthy, you may not think that you deserve to take lunch breaks, vacations, or even bathroom breaks at work. You’d be surprised how many people tell me that they stay at work far longer than they’re paid, or put off going to the bathroom to get a project done at work. However, if you ask the same person if they would recommend this for someone else, they would look at you askance. Self-esteem is a complicated, entrenched construct that may take a while to improve. However, if you can think about prioritizing your needs at work as a means to be more effective in the long run, or more productive over time, it may help you “fake it until you make it.” Then, hopefully, with time you’ll see that deeper care and love for yourself leads you to more self-compassionate treatment.

You probably have not have come to devalue your needs in a vacuum. Our society in the USA emphasizes competition, individualism, and being better no matter what. This emphasis on productivity and superficial superiority infects individuals and families. Parents may unwittingly pass this message along to their children, emphasizing looking good and “being the best,” even if it means sacrificing your health mentally and physically. I certainly got that message growing up from my mother. You may have had workaholism modeled for you by your parents. By contrast, you may have seen them being unproductive and about to yourself that you would never be like that. There are many forces that you may not be aware of that contribute to the stigma on non-productivity. Luckily, as an adult you get to choose what values and what messages you actively cultivate. You can weed out the toxic, unhealthy messages from society and your family, while seeking and cultivating healthier messages that are sustainable throughout your life.

Along these lines, some people in positions of influence or authority devalue self-care as insignificant. They may adhere to the toxic overemphasis on work and productivity to the exclusion of all other areas of their lives. The tendency to follow this path is strong, because it is richly rewarded financially and in terms of social approval. However, it is not sustainable or healthy. When you hear someone devalue self-care as a negative or insignificant endeavor, you can question whether the source is threatened by the idea of people taking care of themselves adequately. You can ask yourself what they stand to lose by devaluing self-care. In other words, you don’t have to take this message in hook line and sinker. You can think for yourself and question whose voice you want in your head.

In one sentence, what would you say to someone who doesn’t prioritize their mental well-being?

If you don’t tend to your mental and physical wellness now, you will have to do it eventually; why not do it proactively and willingly, instead of waiting for disaster to strike you?

Thank you for all that great insight! Let’s start wrapping up. Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does this quote resonate with you so much?

Ram Dass famously said, “I can do nothing for you but work on myself…you can do nothing for me but work on yourself!” I love this because try as we might, we can only do anything about our own thinking, feeling, and doing. When we get this right, we are a much better participant in the world. When other people do the same, there is much more stability, love, and understanding in the world. If more people took charge of their own self-care and spent less time trying to force others to change to please us, the world would be so much better. When I find myself judging other people, I try to see whether I have any tendency towards what I’m judging. This is difficult sometimes, because I want to be right and for them to be wrong. But where does that get me in the long run? Nowhere.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? They might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

I would love to be able to talk to Valarie Kaur, author of See No Stranger. I really resonated with her book and with her TED Talks, and would love to discuss her idea of revolutionary love more in-depth with her.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.