Self-Care & Mental Wellness: Misty Lynne Cauthen Of Balanced Body On The Top Five Self-care Practices That Improve Mental Wellness

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Another self-care exercise I adore is writing. Journaling about my innermost thoughts is generally my go-to, but if I’m having an emotional battle it’s sometimes difficult to make the words flow. In those cases, I’ll find a random journal prompt online and sit still with it. It’s amazing what happens in the mind when we give ourselves permission to have a conversation with ourselves.

Let’s face it. It seems that everyone is under a great deal of stress these days. This takes a toll on our mental wellness. What are some of the best self-care practices that we can use to help improve our mental wellness and mental well-being? In this interview series, we are talking to medical doctors, mental health professionals, health and wellness professionals, and experts about self-care or mental health who can share insights from their experience about How Each Of Us Can Use Self Care To Improve Our Mental Wellness. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Misty Lynne Cauthen.

Misty Lynne is a Certified Pilates Balanced Body Master Instructor, and owner of Dragonfly Pilates. Since discovering the benefits of Pilates, Misty has made it her mission to bring the healing, invigorating, and uplifting effects of the Method to her clients and friends. In 2008, she became a Master Instructor for Balanced Body, the world’s largest and Pilates equipment manufacturer and education provider. Since then, Dragonfly Pilates has been an authorized training center for the Balanced Body Education Teacher Training program. Misty Lynne was one of the first teachers of the Balanced Body Barre program and Bodhi Suspension Systems. Misty has honed her skills by training around the country and around the world to include hosting Pilates retreats in Rome and central Italy, as well as the Italian Riviera and Paris, France.

Thank you so much for doing this interview with us. It is a great honor. Our readers would love to learn more about you and your personal background. Can you please share your personal story? What has brought you to this point in your life?

I was born and raised in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA. I’ve always been a hard-charging, self motivated person, and I excelled in school as a kid. I was a dual major in dance and business in college, but a major injury sidelined my career before it started. From there, I changed majors and schools and received a degree in Mass Communications. But it wasn’t until I found Pilates that I found my professional “home.” I’ve been teaching for more than 22 years, have owned Dragonfly Pilates for 17 years, and have been a Balanced Body Pilates Educator for 16 years.

I always knew I’d be an entrepreneur. As a kid, I was always trying to create something — anything — to market, to entice. I even rented my driveway out to my friends. My parents were hard workers who appreciated my ingenuity, but they weren’t the best models for self-care. It’s taken a long time to arrive at this place in my life, where I understand the critical balance between living life and being ruled by life. It’s been a journey.

What is your “WHY” behind what you do? What fuels you?

I started teaching Pilates because I loved it. I loved the challenges and the variability from day to day. What’s kept me teaching after all of these years is the joy that comes from helping others achieve their health and wellness goals. Every day someone tells me I’ve made them feel better, or made their life better. There’s no greater feeling than that.

I also take seriously the responsibility of shaping the next generation of Pilates teachers, and I work diligently to ensure the next generation is better than the ones before it. I guide them to lead with their voices and from their core values, and remind them to look at the fitness world and the movement world as a whole through a more inclusive, equitable lens. My goal is to shape, support, and mentor those who want to make a difference.

Sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake or failure which you now appreciate has taught you a valuable lesson?

I’ll start by saying I really don’t believe in failure — there’s beauty and learning in every mistake we make. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to stop sweating the small stuff. Too much time was wasted worrying about the inconsequential.

One of the most important life lessons I’ve learned is to beware of the “next logical step.” When I got married, I was young, and I was surrounded by friends who were getting married. Speaking for myself only, I got married because it made sense according to the rules of engagement that were as unspoken as they were powerful: you meet the guy, you date him for a while, and you get married. You buy the house and move to the suburbs and you do all the things that you’re “supposed” to do. Only it didn’t work for us, and I knew before I walked down the aisle that it wasn’t going to work. But I did it, because I was so far down the rabbit hole of expectations that I didn’t take the time to think of what it meant to me to let myself down. I told myself I could decide to make it work. It wasn’t one of my best ideas. That said, I still look back at that day with fondness, because we had a beautiful party and a beautiful blending of families. And an amazing cake.

I grew exponentially from that experience. I learned that I am not the master of the universe, and am therefore not responsible for anyone’s feelings but my own. So if something doesn’t work for me, I’m responsible for making the decisions that will keep me whole — even if they’re uncomfortable.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

When I look at my success over the years, I have to say that radical authenticity has been the most critical trait for me — and the one that took the longest to lean into. We, especially women, are taught to separate ourselves and our emotions from our professional persona, and I think that causes an imbalance that has a ripple effect over time. For me, wearing a veil of strict seriousness — the “fearless leader” facade — eventually led me to detach from my own vulnerability. It also left me a bit lost.

Just last year, a loved one was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer and I reacted in a way I’ve never reacted to anything in my entire life: I stepped back. I allowed myself to actually FEEL every feeling that washed over me. I stepped away from projects I’d been cultivating for months and turned down others that were in the pipeline — because that’s what I needed to do. To compare, when my father passed away in 2008, I only took a day off from work. It’s not that my father was less important to me; it’s that I couldn’t possibly allow my clients and my vendors and my friends to think I would fall apart or consider me to be weak. In my mind, that bit of weakness, no matter how justifiable, would cost me everything. In my quest to be the most dependable and the best business owner — an impossible standard for sure — I put myself and my heart last.

Once I recovered from that tragedy, I vowed to myself to never, ever put myself in that sort of emotional and spiritual black hole again. So in the shadow of this major stressor, I’ve been able to be extremely honest with myself, and had the humility to say out loud that I wasn’t ok. I’ve been explicitly clear with myself that I needed the time and space to get back to feeling whole before I could serve my public. And myself.

By being authentic, honest, and humble, I don’t need to maintain the facade of perfectionism, and I certainly don’t feel the need to live according to others’ standards. It’s my life, and I am dedicated to living it my way.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now? How do you think that will help people?

I’m working on some fabulous things in 2023, including the development of a mentoring program for movement teachers with a dear friend of mine and the relaunch of Beyond the Bull$hit — Mentoring for Evolution and Empowerment, which is a program designed to help movement teachers lead their businesses by keeping DEIAB at the forefront of their development strategies.

But what I’m most excited about is a media project that’s in the works. I can’t say too much yet, but I’ll tell you this: our goal is to shift perspectives on wellness across all strata, and this excites me because we’re going to help people see that wellness is more than just exercise and maintenance. Nor is it just for “those people” with gobs of disposable income. In my opinion, wellness is survival, and everyone should have access to it.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview, about the interface between self-care and mental health. From where you stand personally or professionally, why are you so passionate about mental well-being?

I’m so passionate about this I could talk about it forever! For too long, we’ve considered self-care to be nothing more than vanity — primping and maintenance. It’s so much more. Yes, primping and maintenance are important from the physical perspective, but they also have a tremendous effect on our mental health as well. It’s how we manage our stressors, and how we nourish our body, mind and spirit. It also allows us to check in to see where we are energetically — how much we have in our tank. If we don’t take the time to “feed” ourselves, we won’t be able to maintain a life we can appreciate or enjoy. We’re more susceptible to illness, experience diminished self esteem and worth, and other things that inhibit our ability to live our best lives. It’s a cycle that can quickly spin out of control.

Life is far too short to deny ourselves the opportunity to enjoy it. Even when life is difficult, we must allow ourselves the space to reset and recalibrate — so the tough times don’t overtake us. We’re no good to others if we’ve allowed ourselves to break down.

Based on your research or experience, how exactly does self-care impact our mental wellness?

In my experience, the best self-care is the type that gives a positive intrinsic reward, because it’s that reward that allows us to feel better about ourselves — about who we are inside. It comes from doing or accomplishing things we find to be internally satisfying, and it’s hard to know what provides those rewards when we’ve detached from ourselves. Once we become so far removed from what and how we’re feeling physically/emotionally/spiritually, our mental health suffers, and that makes sense, as we’re running on reduced bandwidth and that diminishes our capacity to know what’s really happening inside. From there it becomes a spiral of catching up, only to fall behind.

As a person who for a long time associated mental wellness with mental toughness, it took a long time to recognize the value of self-care — especially rest. I perceived it as wasted time, lost productivity, and I prioritized that “strength-or-bust” mentality over my mental health. I used work as a justification for detaching from my own needs, and because I could still be productive and effective at work, I missed the signs of struggle in other parts of my life. I turned compartmentalization into an art form! Now, I know I’m not alone in this — we are socialized to champion production at all costs — but research shows this is a fool’s wager: by putting self care on the back burner, we run the risk of creating coping mechanisms that will impact our long term mental wellness. It wasn’t until I truly explored and experienced the positive impact of self-care that I realized that mental wellness simply does not exist without self care.

Here is our primary question. Can you please share your “Top Five Self Care Practices That Each Of Us Can Use To Improve Our Mental Wellness”?

I’m happy to share my personal top five, but I’d like to remind you that everyone has their own personal self-care tactics, and it’s important to discover what makes your own heart sing. It’s also fun to discover where you find rest, where you find balance, as each of those may require different strategies and tactics.

My first and most critical self care practice is good sleep hygiene. I’m generally a poor sleeper, so my sleep is sacred to me! I have a strict evening routine that starts about two hours before bedtime — I keep the lights in the house as bright as possible until it’s time to begin winding down. To wind down, I begin dimming the lights as I prepare for bed. All devices are powered down (unless I’m listening to a sleepy time app) about an hour before I go to bed, and my evening routine is choreographed because I know I can’t go into the bedroom until it’s time to go to sleep. And that’s the toughest, but most important part: I only enter the bedroom when it’s time to close my eyes. I also schedule my sleep/wake times to allow for my personal optimal number of hours of shut-eye.

Another self-care exercise I adore is writing. Journaling about my innermost thoughts is generally my go-to, but if I’m having an emotional battle it’s sometimes difficult to make the words flow. In those cases, I’ll find a random journal prompt online and sit still with it. It’s amazing what happens in the mind when we give ourselves permission to have a conversation with ourselves.

I really, really like to take pictures. When I take a walk, I often return with a flash card full of photos. I don’t always look at them after I take them — sometimes it’s the mere act of taking photos that brings me joy! It’s the quiet, the time with nature, and the capture and creation of something beautiful that helps me rest when I’m overstimulated but not able to take a large swath of time away from work.

When I feel generalized physical discomfort that I can’t necessarily explain, I put on my green chromotherapy glasses and climb into my infrared sauna blanket. The green lenses help me find a sense of inner calm, and the heat permeates my body and my soul. I always feel better, physically and mentally, after an hour in my “body burrito,” and I try to use it weekly.

Lastly — as much as I am a lifetime loather of crafts, I’ve started making jewelry. There’s something intrinsically calming about researching the stones and their meanings, creating a pattern, actually creating something physical and tangible that will bring someone else happiness. It’s a gift that gives back. The inner I feel when making jewelry is extremely comforting.

Can you please share a few of the main roadblocks that prevent people from making better self-care choices? What would you suggest can be done to overcome those roadblocks?

Mindset is definitely a barrier to making good self-care choices. As mentioned, as a reforming workaholic — and I use the word ‘reforming’ intentionally — my mindset is something that will always require hard work and self inquiry. For many of us, we need to consistently manage the patterns that drive us to overwork and ask ourselves if we’re using work (or whatever distractionary behaviors we choose) to deny ourselves self care. And then we have to ask ourselves why. Do we believe we don’t deserve self care? Do we genuinely lack the time?

We have to manage our self care like we manage most other activities in our lives — in my opinion, scheduling self-care is a must. I don’t care if it’s 60 minutes or 16: if we don’t list it in our calendars, self-care isn’t given the priority it deserves.

Also, and this goes back to self inquiry, we don’t all appreciate the same things when it comes to self care! It’s not a failure to say that you don’t prioritize self care unless you have an accountability partner, or that meditation is maddening. There is no “one size fits all” approach to self care, but it takes time and effort to find what works for you, personally. For me, an hour-long experience in the Oculus headset allows me to reset, but that could be overstimulating for someone else. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

In one sentence, what would you say to someone who doesn’t prioritize their mental well-being?

Treat yourself with love — you deserve it.

Thank you for all that great insight! Let’s start wrapping up. Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does this quote resonate with you so much?

When I’m entangled in a perfectionism or self-doubt loop, I jot this quote on Post-Its and stick it on the bathroom mirror, the computer monitor, and the dashboard of my car: “When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.” — Shannon L. Alder

It’s a gentle reminder that my life is MINE, and I have the right to live it as I choose. And that when it comes to how I feel about myself and who I am in this world, my voice is the only voice that truly matters. This quote rebalances me.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? They might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

I am in awe of the power and talent of Serena Williams. Of course she’s the GOAT of tennis, but her sheer reach and depth of her empire is aspirational to me. To grab a bite with her would be a dream come true.

I truly appreciate your time and valuable contribution. One last question. How can our readers best reach or follow you?

My Instagram handle is my name: @mistylynnecauthen, and my mentor program can be found at MeetMistyLynne.com. The wellness project hasn’t yet been greenlit, but once it does, I can’t wait to share!

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.