Self-Care & Mental Wellness: Psychotherapist Janet Zinn On The Top Five Selfcare Practices That Improve Mental Wellness

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Laugh. Watch or read funny things. Meet with friends who make you laugh. Laughter truly is medicine of the best kind.

Let’s face it. It seems that everyone is under a great deal of stress these days. This takes a toll on our mental wellness. What are some of the best self-care practices that we can use to help improve our mental wellness and mental well-being? In this interview series, we are talking to medical doctors, mental health professionals, health and wellness professionals, and experts about self-care or mental health who can share insights from their experience about How Each Of Us Can Use Self Care To Improve Our Mental Wellness. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Janet Zinn.

Janet Zinn is a psychotherapist and coach in New York City with over twenty-five years’ experience. She is the author of a weekly blog “In the New Abnormal” that includes self-care tips because she practices self-care and knows that we need a wide menu of options when thinking of what’s best for us.

Thank you so much for doing this interview with us.What is your “WHY” behind what you do? What fuels you?

I am moved by the courage of my clients and others. When we move through internal or external limitations, we improve the quality of our lives. The more we learn and grow from our experiences, the more we build our self-esteem, and the more we have the capacity for compassion for others. All this expands our lives and helps heal the riffs between us. This will always inspire me.

Sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake or failure which you now appreciate has taught you a valuable lesson?

One of the biggest ongoing mistakes has been making assumptions in my marriage. If my husband said something like, “I don’t want to do that, when I brought up an activity, I assumed that was a hard no. I would feel disappointed. And, if I really wanted to do said activity, let’s say, see a theater performance or a concert, I’d silently stew. I built up a hefty pile of resentment, thinking he was selfish and not thinking of my needs. The truth was, I wasn’t thinking of my own needs. I rarely asked him a favor. I would bring up a topic, like, “That looks good,” or “I really like James Taylor.” What I wanted him to say was “I know how much you like them, let’s go together,” or I hear you, Janet, would you like that as a gift?” Instead, he’d tell me that he didn’t want to go, and that was that. It took a friend to suggest, after 20 years of assumptions, to simply ask for what I wanted. When I did, I was pleasantly surprised that he was happy to go with me or support me going. My mistake was to not ask. Learning to ask for what I want and need has been deeply fulfilling. This has helped me in many cases. Rather than assume what others mean when they say something, I am much more curious, and learn more about them and about myself.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Courage

• I have always been moved by others, specifically clients, going out of their comfort zones to live fully. I have learned from them and make a point of making choices that can be hard. A few years ago, at the age of 56, I entered and ran the New York City marathon. I never thought I could run. I’d get cramps, my thighs would rub together, and I’d get winded easily. Rather than run in a style popular with long distance runners, I ran very slowly, which accommodated my body and allowed me to train and complete the race. It was one of the highlights of my life. The good will and well wishes of strangers along the path empowered me in ways that have remained a part of me.

Compassion

• It’s so easy to judge others. Sometimes I make quick judgement. When I remember that the person I’m judging has been through their own trials and tribulations in life, I can lighten up and see the whole person. After 9/11 I was running trauma groups downtown in New York City at a number of companies. It became obvious there was a specific need to run separate groups for professionals from Middle Eastern countries. They were not only traumatized by the attacks, but many were being discriminated against on a daily basis. It was enlightening to hear what they were enduring. Especially since so many were high powered executives with stiff upper lips, so it wasn’t externally apparent that they were suffering. After hearing their personal struggles, and the courage they had to walk down our city streets, I made a point of greeting all New Yorkers who were from Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, and neighboring countries, with warmth and care. Whatever I may be experiencing, I became acutely aware that so many others endure private pain.

Vulnerability

• I believe vulnerability is a gateway to personal freedom. I grew up ashamed of my body. I thought I was fat, and was always praised when I lost weight, even when it was harmful to my health and well-being. I lost my sense of worth. My extended family valued thinness, and that just wasn’t my body type. I would feel defensive going to family events as they sized up my size. This went on into my thirties. At that point, though, I felt courageous enough to speak up with vulnerability about how hard it can be to reside in a larger body in this society. In doing so, some family members took stock in how they were unconsciously treating me. In sharing my vulnerability, I released the shame I had had for my body, and I learned to eat with my hunger rather than sneak eat after family events. My vulnerability is a strength that feeds other strengths.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now? How do you think that will help people?

I am working on a book called, Life-Sized Courage, Living Powerfully as Yourself. It is broken into chapters about different types of courage, among them, vulnerably, grit, the courage of Yes, and the courage of No. I believe that we all have innate traits of courage. One facet may be stronger than another, but learning to tap into our courage ,depending on the situation ,can be invaluable. Each chapter ends with self-care tips and practices so we can build our self-care toolbox. Building our courage affirms us, while pushing us to move forward so we can live our best lives.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview, about the interface between self-care and mental health. From where you stand personally or professionally, why are you so passionate about mental well-being?

First, I am a mental health profession, so mental health is first and foremost a core value in my personal and professional lives. Also, we need daily check-ins to bring self-care when we need it, rather than waiting until we are in crisis.

Based on your research or experience, how exactly does self-care impact our mental wellness?

There are so many levels of self-care. There is physical self-care, emotional self-care, self-care, and spiritual self-care. They all contribute to our mental wellness because of the mind-body connection. And because mental wellness is a comprehensive term, meaning each aspect of our lives nourishes or potentially poisons our mental health. Our mental wellness can be a reflection of how we live our lives. Therefore, when we institute daily self-care, we regularly bring more satisfaction into our lives.

Here is our primary question. Can you please share your “Top Five Selfcare Practices That Each Of Us Can Use To Improve Our Mental Wellness”?

• Laugh. Watch or read funny things. Meet with friends who make you laugh. Laughter truly is medicine of the best kind.
• Acknowledge what you’re experiencing. So many people deny their unhappiness. Often, they do so because they believe it means they are weak, or it puts them in a bad light. However, when we acknowledge when things are difficult, we can care for what ails us. It’s like looking at a map. If we know where we want to go, finding the arrow that states, “You are Here,” allows us to move in the direction that gets us to our goal. But if we follow a map starting from a point of denial, we will not find our way so easily.
• Be kind. We are so hard on ourselves. And by extension that can mean we are hard on others. When we bring kindness to ourselves, we find that a gentle hand soothes. For example, when we are anxious or we hear our thoughts going in a judgmental route, use that as information. Tell yourself, “Oh, I’m being mean to myself, something must be going on.” Or, be curious, “I wonder what the anxiousness is trying to say to me?” Being curious is a kindness. It opens it up. When we ask, “what’s wrong with me?” the assumption is that there is something wrong and you have to name it. But when we ask ourselves what’s happening? then we can do a further inquiry and see that our feelings are trying to tell us something. Maybe we have to slow down, or say no to a request. Whatever it is, kindness will help us through it.
• Check in with yourself multiple times a day. Take 30 seconds to see what physical sensations you’re experiencing. This is best done with a quick body scan starting with the top of your head moving down your body, or starting with the soles of your feet and moving up your body. Name the physical sensations. It might be tightness, warmth or cold temperatures, or pulsing, or even numbness. Ask yourself if you are feeling any specific emotions. Then take a couple of cleansing breaths. This is a way to say that you matter. It’s also a way to find compassion for yourself.
• Do something physical. The easiest, if you are able to do them, is stretch, followed by balancing on one foot, then the other. Our muscles get tight. They can hold stress. Stretching allows emotions to move out of our bodies. Balancing is also wonderful, as it requires focus. That focus takes us out of our minds, which gives us a mental break while also building the strength of balance.

Can you please share a few of the main roadblocks that prevent people from making better self-care choices? What would you suggest can be done to overcome those roadblocks?

• Time is a huge roadblock. Break down any self-care tips into the smallest bite-sized components. Start with 10 second check ins. Or take one cleansing breath. (Breath in as if you’re smelling a flower, breath out as if you’re blowing out birthday candles). Building a self-care practice is a long-term goal, so make the tips work within your busy schedule.
• Underestimating the value of self-care tips. Sometimes people will say, “I tried that, and it didn’t work.” That’s okay, they don’t need to do something that didn’t work in the past, try something new or different in small increments. They may have underestimated self-care because they don’t know their own worth. The self-care may have to start with affirmations of self-worth. What are you proud of that you did today? If someone is experiencing a major depression, then brushing their teeth is a huge accomplishment and should be acknowledged. Writing down what you are proud of can be invaluable. in seeing the small and large things you’ve accomplished in a day, you are able to acknowledge yourself and the value of self-care.
• People thinking self-care means they are weak. Having them reflect on strong individuals whom they admire and what they do to practice self-care can be inspiring and motivating.

In one sentence, what would you say to someone who doesn’t prioritize their mental well-being?

A self-care practice is the best vehicle to reaching your personal gratification, and you deserve to enjoy a deeply gratifying life.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.