Stephanie Huhn of HealingTheWhole.org: How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person

Reframing how you view being a sensitive person: I put this as number one because in order for you to be able to thrive as a highly sensitive person, you first and foremost need to stop viewing it as a problem, a defect and a weakness and start viewing it as something that makes you special. For most of my life I bought into what most people told me about myself: I was too sensitive and that was bad. Now I understand that people either did not understand my sensitive nature or they were threatened by it. Being highly sensitive, I was able to pick up on emotions, circumstances, feelings and so on that some individuals did not want me to bring attention to. Once I came to a point of realization — a “light bulb moment, if you will — understanding on a deep level that my sensitivity is not inherently bad, and further that it is sort of special, like a superpower I have, then everything changed. I accepted, and moreover, valued, this part of myself; and when I valued me, I noticed others started to do so as well.

As a part of our series about How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person, I had the pleasure of interviewing Stephanie Huhn, Licensed Psychotherapist, Trauma and Addiction Specialist, Public Speaker & Educator and a Highly Sensitive Person herself!

Stephanie is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, mental health educator and advocate. She holds specializations in complex trauma, addiction and neuropsychology. Stephanie is passionate about sharing her personal stories and experiences as well as her professional knowledge and expertise, in a way that is relatable, engaging and easy-to-understand — with the goal of promoting healing, growth and wellness. www.HealingTheWhole.org

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?

Thank you for having me! I am always excited to speak about mental health and wellness. I am a psychologist who specializes in complex trauma, addiction and the brain, and I am proud to say I am also a highly sensitive person or HSP. I have been practicing psychology for over twelve years, I am a fierce mental health advocate and I have an inner fire and passion for speaking about and educating people on mental health issues, especially healing from the effects of generational and societal trauma. I find it so fulfilling when I can help someone understand themselves on a deeper level, knowing I have “planted a seed” in their mind, or that they have had an “ah-ha” moment. I enjoy doing psychotherapy with my clients as well as speaking to groups at professional conferences, for seminars and webinars, at trainings and educational events, on the news, for podcast interviews, on my social media accounts and basically anywhere anyone is willing to listen!

Thank you for your bravery and strength in being so open with us. I understand how hard this is. Can you help define for our readers what is meant by a Highly Sensitive Person? Does it simply mean that feelings are easily hurt or offended?

Absolutely. Again, I love sharing my knowledge and experiences on these topics. In layman’s terms, a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, is someone who feels and experiences the world at a heightened or intensified level compared to the average person. A Highly Sensitive Person may feel emotions deeper and more intensely in their bodies and minds. They can be intensely sensitive to the people around them, picking up on their moods, feelings and energy. For an HSP, being in a crowded room might feel like being bombarded by a swarm of insects. The stimuli that goes unnoticed by most, such as distant laughter, faint conversations, the hum of the air conditioner, the buzz of fluorescent lights, the smell of perfume, is amplified for HSPs and can quickly become overwhelming and difficult to process. When experiencing an emotion such as fear, an HSP may feel physically overtaken by the feeling, as if a tsunami wave is rolling through their bodies.

From a medical perspective there is no formal diagnosis or definition for a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), however there is a similar term called Sensory processing sensitivity or SPS, first coined in 1996 by psychologists Elaine and Arthur Aron. SPS is described as a personality trait that a person is born with and can possess to varying degrees. Someone with SPS is thought to have a hypersensitive central nervous system and process feelings and other stimuli on a deeper level than most.

Being an HSP is not defined by being easily hurt or offended — this is a big misconception. Consider the many people in this world that we encounter or hear about that are not highly sensitive people, yet they are easily triggered and are frequently offended or hurt. On the other hand, you can be an HSP and be extremely grounded, non-reactive and emotionally balanced. Being easily offended is more about a person’s beliefs about their own value and self-worth. When individuals hold a deep-down belief about themselves (called a core belief) that they are “not good-enough,” many things in their lives will trigger them, offend them, hurt them and feel like a personal attack. On the other hand, when individuals love and value themselves, when they have healthy boundaries and good coping skills, then they are able to keep calm and hold their inner sense of peace in most situations.

Does a Highly Sensitive Person have a higher degree of empathy towards others? Is a Highly Sensitive Person offended by hurtful remarks made about other people?

Not always, but the potential exists. Inherently HSPs have the ability to feel other people’s emotions, moods, intentions and energy deeper than most and because of this they do have the ability for higher degrees of empathy; however, if an HSP is overwhelmed and having trouble coping, it is really difficult for them to see outside of themselves and empathize, as it would be for anyone. Empathy can be a tricky thing for HSPs. We are so sensitive and attuned to those around us that it becomes vital for us to recognize and protect this sensitivity. We must learn to cope with the influx of amplified feelings, emotions and experiences we have, otherwise it can be difficult to engage with others let alone empathize with them.

Does a Highly Sensitive Person have greater difficulty with certain parts of popular culture, entertainment or news, that depict emotional or physical pain? Can you explain or give a story?

Generally, yes. HSPs ability to feel and experience on a deeper level applies across the board — in real life, on TV, in books and in movies — whether fictional, false or factual. Before ever hearing the term or even acknowledging myself as an HSP, I quickly learned I wasn’t able to handle watching TV, the news, pop culture shows, etc. like most people are able to. When the TV series Dexter came out my husband and I tried to watch it together, yet despite loving the story line and the characters I could not get through a season. I knew on a rational level that all of the gore and the trauma was fake, but it didn’t stop me from feeling them as if I was watching it happen in real life. Even seemingly more benign shows, like Grey’s Anatomy or This Is Us, I must be careful with. The intense emotions brought up by these storylines can overtake my being and I have to make sure I am in the right state of mind to handle these shows, meaning I am able to manage or cope with the emotions they will bring up for me. There are many things in the media I will not watch, such as reality shows that exploit or belittle people, shows that are sensationalistic, shows that promote inauthenticity and conforming to stereotypes or dysfunctional norms. As an HSP, when it comes to TV and media, I decided that there are enough deeply emotional events that occur in my real life that it is not worth my energy exposing myself to the ones that occur on TV (in most cases). I do sometimes choose to subject myself to media that depicts highly emotional events, such as documentaries, historical depictions or stories of people sharing their life experiences. I do this because I know that even though it may be painful for me, it is necessary for me to see and hear these things in order to grow and have deeper levels of understanding and empathy for others.

Can you please share a story about how your highly sensitive nature created problems at work or socially?

Before I knew I was highly sensitive, and back when I believed my sensitivity was a defect, I was very shy and often suppressed my emotions and opinions. As you might have guessed, this caused problems for me, both in work as well as social situations. I would not speak up and I wouldn’t share my opinions or show my emotions, for fear of being viewed as “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “too much.” This suppression of self and lack of self-confidence led to missed career-opportunities, a lack of close friendships, social anxiety, isolation and dysfunctional ways of self-soothing. Now, being confident and loving myself as an HSP, it is very freeing to be able to embrace my authentic self and express who I am, regardless of what others may think.

When did you suspect that your level of sensitivity was above the societal norm? How did you come to see yourself as “too sensitive”?

Like many Highly Sensitive People, growing up I was often told “You’re too sensitive” or asked, “Why are you so sensitive?” which innately implied that my sensitivity was a defect of character. Being told these things from very early on, I believed them, and because in our society we tend to promote being sensitive as a weakness, and being insensitive as a strength, I also felt “less than”. I believed I was weak and inferior to other people. I thought to myself, “I can’t do that because I am not a strong person. I am too sensitive. I would crumble. I would fail.” It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I had this great realization that sensitivity is my gift to be treasured.

I’m sure that being Highly Sensitive also gives you certain advantages. Can you tell us a few advantages that Highly Sensitive people have?

Yes, it absolutely does. Sometimes I think people forget that being highly sensitive works both ways — We don’t just feel “bad” things deeply, we also feel love, gratitude and joy at a deeper level. This is certainly a gift. Being an HSP also comes with a heightened level of emotional intelligence which gives HSPs an increased sense of self-awareness.

Can you share a story from your own life where your great sensitivity was actually an advantage?

For myself, being an HSP has definitely served me well as a psychotherapist. My innate ability to pick up on subtle cues, to feel others’ energy and moods, to notice slight differences in tone of voice, body language, or behaviors, has allowed me special insights into my clients’ lives. Of course, I never make assumptions based on my impressions, but these clues give me something to ask my client about — something to delve a little deeper into. Sometimes I find I am able to pick up on a feeling or issue they are facing that they themselves are not even aware of yet or something they were afraid to talk about initially.

There seems to be no harm in being overly empathetic. What’s the line drawn between being empathetic and being Highly Sensitive?

Empathy is being able to understand and share the feelings of another. It is being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes without judgement or imposing your opinions or experiences. As I mentioned earlier, a Highly Sensitive Person may or may not have increased levels of empathy. If an HSP is highly empathic this trait can become unhealthy if they have poor boundaries in relationships, such as feeling so deeply for another that they put that person’s needs, feelings and problems before their own.

Social Media can often be casually callous. How does Social Media affect a Highly Sensitive Person? How can a Highly Sensitive Person utilize the benefits of social media without being pulled down by it?

Yes, social media can be harsh in many ways — we see bullying, judgement, shame and harmful messages promoting inadequacy, anxiety and fear. HSPs (and really everybody) can benefit from setting limits and structure around social media use. Knowing how social media affects you can be a good strategy for limiting it. Make a list. How do you feel after being on social media? Uplifted or down? Anxious or calm? Inadequate or empowered? Drained or energized? Does going on social media generally make you feel better or worse? Try to pay close attention to what emotions come up for you when you’re on social media. If you become triggered by something you see, ask yourself why? Once you have more insight and self-awareness about how using social media affects you, it can be easier to set limits, such as setting a timer, unfollowing unhealthy or triggering pages or people and setting other boundaries. As HSPs we need to be intentional about setting limits to protect our emotional and physical energy and wellness.

How would you respond if something you hear or see bothers or effects you, but others comment that you are being petty or that it is minor?

This depends on the context, including what is said, who said it, what it is about and the severity and importance of the issue. If the person calling me petty or “too sensitive” is a friend and I want to preserve the relationship, then I take the approach of respectfully, yet assertively, explaining to them that my thoughts, opinions and feelings are valid and important to me, even if they are not important to them. If the person is a stranger, I will decide if it is worth my energy to confront them. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. When I decide not to say anything or confront the person, it is always because I am grounded and stable enough in my own sense of self-worth that I do not have the need or desire to defend myself to that individual; however If it is an issue where what is being said is hurtful, harmful or oppressive to another person, I will (again assertively and respectfully) confront the situation and defend the person being harmed, regardless if others believe I am petty or too sensitive. The great part about learning to love yourself is realizing that others’ opinions of you is not a reflection of your worth or value.

What strategies do you use to overcome the perception that others may have of you as overly sensitive without changing your caring and empathetic nature?

I love the quote, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” I think one of the biggest factors in overcoming someone’s perception of me, is realizing that their perception is not a reflection of who I am. I get to decide who I am, not someone else. If we let other peoples’ opinions of us rule our sense of self, we will be on a self-esteem roller coaster. Stability comes from within. Once I learned to love and value myself then I was easily able to depersonalize others’ criticisms of me as being “too sensitive.” The next best strategy I found is educating others and providing them with a new point-of-view. For far too long in our society we have viewed sensitivity as weak and insensitivity as strong. I try to break this stereotype, reframing being highly sensitive as a special trait, something to treasure and that I am grateful for.

What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a Highly Sensitive Person? Can you explain what you mean?

The biggest myth I would like to dispel is that being sensitive is weak or a defective trait. The desire to break this myth really ignited for me recently when my son, who was in kindergarten at the time, was beginning to be labeled as having problematic behaviors. He would get overwhelmed by noises, voices, situations, feelings and other kids’ actions in the classroom, and being five years old, was not sure how to handle this barrage of sensations. Sometimes he would disengage and shut down, other times he would cry or scream. I had to advocate for him and provide education for those working with him in the school. Lucky for us, he has a great set of teachers and administrators that were very empathic. I talked to them about the qualities, strengths and needs of highly sensitive people like my son and once they understood him better, they were then able to reframe his behaviors as a response to being overwhelmed and provide him with some simple classroom accommodations. This myth — that highly sensitive people are defective — is probably the most important one to dispel as it can cause such pervasive damage to the highly sensitive person.

As you know, one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that it just doesn’t work that way?

Well, the question itself is flawed. Asking someone, “Why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” implies being sensitive is bad or wrong and that sensitivity is a flaw or defect. Again, I approach that question with education and advocacy, promoting sensitivity as a “superpower”. In these situations, I find that kind, yet assertive education is key. I think we need to reframe how we view being sensitive in this world. Often, I explain to people that my sensitivity allows me to be a good therapist and that my clients tell me they feel deeply understood by me. I tell them that my sensitivity allows me to see, feel and experience things others cannot and because of this I am often able to give valuable feedback when problem-solving at work or at home. When I can kindly educate others on how I view my sensitive-nature in a positive light, they often no longer ask me that question and hopefully I have given them a new perspective.

Ok, here is the main question for our discussion. Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person? Please give a story or an example for each.

1: Reframing how you view being a sensitive person: I put this as number one because in order for you to be able to thrive as a highly sensitive person, you first and foremost need to stop viewing it as a problem, a defect and a weakness and start viewing it as something that makes you special. For most of my life I bought into what most people told me about myself: I was too sensitive and that was bad. Now I understand that people either did not understand my sensitive nature or they were threatened by it. Being highly sensitive, I was able to pick up on emotions, circumstances, feelings and so on that some individuals did not want me to bring attention to. Once I came to a point of realization — a “light bulb moment, if you will — understanding on a deep level that my sensitivity is not inherently bad, and further that it is sort of special, like a superpower I have, then everything changed. I accepted, and moreover, valued, this part of myself; and when I valued me, I noticed others started to do so as well.

2: Knowing yourself. Being self-aware of your sensitive nature is the first step, and beyond this highly sensitive people need to identify and be aware of what overwhelms them, what triggers them, what is “too much” to handle. Maybe this is being in large crowds, being around a barrage of sounds and lights, being somewhere with a group of people for an extended amount of time. When you know your triggers, then you can plan for how to deal with them. For example, if you are at a friend’s wedding and you know you will be overwhelmed if you stay too long, plan in advance a time you will leave and make sure the person or people you are going with are aware. You might also plan for a place to step away and decompress when needed, such as sitting in your car or in the lobby, away from stimuli for whatever amount of time you need.

3: Grounding & Restoration. Grounding is being able to come down from that state of internal chaos and feeling overwhelmed, and back down to a sense of inner calm. This is an important practice for highly sensitive people, as we are more frequently overwhelmed and overstimulated by internal and external circumstances. There are many grounding techniques, but one easy exercise you can use is to focus on your breathing. Bring all your attention to breathing in and out, as you feel the air gently enter, and then leave your lungs. You can also practice what is called square breathing. This is a technique where you visualize the four sides of a square, as you consciously breathe in counting to five, then hold your breath for five seconds, followed by breathing for five seconds, and lastly hold your breath again counting to five — and repeat as needed. Restoration is another important practice, especially for HSPs. I think of restoration in the way we think of restoring something. If we restore an old, broken down car we are refreshing it. Making it new and ready-to-go again. We can think of our bodies and minds the same way. After a long day, especially for us highly sensitive individuals, we can feel drained from the energy and stimuli of the day. When we restore ourselves, we are filling our tanks back up and making ourselves anew. Like grounding, there are many restorative techniques you can use. One I often use is taking a shower or bath. For me, the warm water cleanses my energy, restores a sense of inner peace and feels restorative and rejuvenating. Other restoration practices include rest, mindfulness, meditation, keeping a gratitude journal, painting or being creative and music. Everybody grounds and restores themselves a little differently, so it is important you find what works for you.

4: Boundaries are key: Boundaries are lines we draw or rules we put in place to protect and care for ourselves. As an HSP it is vital we identify and set physical, emotional and psychological boundaries around space, time and energy. Boundaries are an act of selfcare for everyone, but for HSPs, they are especially important to help us protect our gift of sensitivity. This might take for form of: saying ‘no’ to events or situations we know will overwhelm us, not subjecting ourselves to people, places or media that drains our energy, being direct and assertive when communicating your needs or monitoring your internal feelings and stepping away for alone time when needed.

5: Loving yourself. I realize this is easier said than done. I wish I could wave a magic wand and we could all love ourselves for who we are, right here, right now; but that’s not how it works is it? Healing and growth are more of a dance (two steps forward, one step back) than a light switch you can simply turn “on” or “off.” With that being said, a journey towards self-love and acceptance is always worth it and there is nothing more important. When you are able to accept, love and value yourself for who you are, then thriving (whether you’re a highly sensitive person or not) is much easier. You have no problem setting boundaries and taking time to protect and nourish yourself and your energy, because you know you are worth it.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

The movement most important to me, that I speak about the most, is educating and bringing awareness to the societal and generational trauma that has been normalized, accepted and passed down through generations. I love the quote by psychologist Carl Jung, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” When we learn and understand how we were hurt and we can look at, acknowledge and hold our own pain, then we open the door to healing, to self-love to empathy and compassion for ourselves and for those around us.

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Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.

Thank you. Its been an honor.

Thank you for having me, it has been an honor for me as well!