Susan Zinn of Westside Counseling Center: 5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change
Get Support — Often, when people go through dramatic loss or change, they are initially in a state of shock and do not realize the impact the event has on their emotional and physical well-being. They may even feel like they are “fine.” However, when the loss sets in, their nervous systems usually dysregulate, and they experience intense feelings in their body.
Asking for help isn’t always easy, and people can feel shame about needing it. But people need to remember that we are social beings and need others to help us, especially in times of crisis. Seeking professional support can help people avoid the long-term impacts of a dramatic loss or change.
The world seems to be reeling from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, economic uncertainty, political and social turmoil. Then there are personal traumas that people are dealing with, such as losing a loved one, health issues, unemployment, divorce, or the loss of a job.
Coping with change can be traumatic as it often affects every part of our lives.
How do you deal with loss or change in your life? What coping strategies can you use? Do you ignore them and just push through, or do you use specific techniques?
In this series called “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change”, we are interviewing successful people who were able to heal after a difficult life change such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or other personal hardships. We are also talking to Wellness experts, Therapists, and Mental Health Professionals who can share lessons from their experience and research.
As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Susan Zinn.
Susan Zinn, LPCC, LMHC, NCC, is a licensed psychotherapist, certified trauma and eating disorder specialist, and the founder of Westside Counseling Center in Santa Monica, California. Susan speaks nationally to academic, healthcare, government, and business audiences on building strategies and environments that support mental wellness. She is also an author, a mom to two teenagers, and the recipient of President Obama’s Volunteer Service Award.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I grew up in a rural town in New Jersey, where my family lived in a log cabin for three generations. While growing up in a small town was a magical experience, it did have its limitations. When I was in fourth grade, I was diagnosed with dyslexia. At that time, my local school did not have the services or know-how to teach a child with dyslexia. Being diagnosed with a learning difference in the ’80s was very different from today. While today, people struggle as much as I did, it wasn’t until the 1990 enactment of the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) required that “persons with learning disabilities to have access to accommodations.” Luckily, my parents were resourceful and found a tutor to support my learning challenges, which changed my educational trajectory, and honestly, my life. As much as I struggled with dyslexia, it also gave me an advantage. It made me a great observer of human behavior.
Like many children who have differences growing up, I became proficient at identifying people’s behavior patterns and learning what I needed to do to fit in and avoid getting teased or bullied. But this was not just a childhood social survival skill. Decoding human behavior was a passion that inspired my life’s purpose as a psychotherapist, certified trauma specialist, and researcher. I learned to study human behavior patterns to help people improve their lives.
Can you please give us your favorite” Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Ironically, through the challenging time in my early life, I also received one of my most treasured gifts. My seventh-grade English teacher Dr. Quinn introduced me to the poem Desiderata, written by Max Ehrmann. I carried this poem with its frayed edges in my wallet for decades. The part of the poem that always resonated most with me is:
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Strive to be happy.”
This life lesson reminds me that while, like many people, I had experienced struggles, I also had the CHOICE to move forward and “strive to be happy.” Today, I have sat with thousands of people who have experienced catastrophic heartbreaks. What I have learned, and what this quote expresses, is that life isn’t just about surviving and thriving. We get to CHOOSE to live a joy-filled life too. Our joy and happiness are not accidents, but we have to practice them every single day.
You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much? If you can, please share a story or example for each.
That is a great question and so interesting to reflect on. Most people in helping professions — such as mental and health clinicians, first responders and teachers — will agree that we choose our careers because we genuinely want to help people. But what makes trauma so fascinating to me is how people are able to thrive after adversity. I want to know what made them find meaning in their lives afterward and maybe even flourish? How did they experience post-traumatic growth? These are the questions I have spent the past two decades of my career trying to understand. My curiosity, hope, and love for people has made me successful at my job. Although I don’t think of being a trauma therapist as a career. For me, it is a life’s calling.
The second quality that makes me successful is my ability to visualize. While being present in the moment is something I work at daily, visualization has helped me to be strategic in creating a blueprint for my life. When we visualize doing something, there’s a part of our brain, the motor cortex, that rehearses the movement. This primes the brain and body for motion and makes us move more effectively. You can see Olympic skiers in the starting gates, moving their bodies with their eyes closed as if they are going through the course gates. Visualization teaches their brains routine movements over time, allowing their actions to become more automatic. While I have a strong work ethic, if I don’t have the vision for where I am going and how I want to feel doing it, it is impossible to execute.
Lastly, I genuinely do not believe my life or career would have the same significance without the community surrounding me. This past year was a testament to this. Like most frontline workers, I worked 6–7 days a week, and by February of 2021, was emotionally and physically exhausted. It was sort of like when you go on vacation, and then you get sick. When the vaccination rate in Los Angeles went up, my immune system and body finally gave out from exhaustion. The blessing was that because we did not have our traditional support networks at our hospitals or clinics, I became affiliated with a larger virtual group of doctors, mental health and wellness practitioners, and neuroscientists online.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Healing after Loss’. Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers about your dramatic loss or life change?
I have thought a lot about this over the past year. I was living in New York in 2001 and witnessed the Twin Towers collapse from the roof of my office on September 11th. It completely shattered my sense of safety. The loss I experienced on September 11th feels particularly pertinent today as many people experience the coronavirus pandemic as a global and community trauma. According to the American Psychological Association, trauma is defined as “an emotional response to a terrible event. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer-term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms. While these feelings are normal, some people have difficulty moving on with their lives.”
September 11th was just an ordinary Tuesday, just like Friday, March 13th, 2020, when we started quarantine in Los Angeles, California. On these historic days, we descended into shock and later became paralyzed with fear of the unknown and uncertainty about the future. People may have their feelings about the relative amount of trauma from these events. But our bodies don’t discern the severity of the events; whatever feels traumatic, whether it is heartbreak, failing a driver’s test, or experiencing a terrorist attack or pandemic, feels the same in our nervous system. What I fear will happen now, and we already see it, is an increased need for mental health support for people struggling with post-traumatic stress, depression, anxiety, and loss. Many people, particularly first responders, needed help after 9/11. I imagine it will be the same for frontline workers in the coming months. Witnessing chronic loss is brutally challenging on our nervous systems, especially day in and day out, as our frontline workers did this year.
What was the scariest part of that event? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?
The scariest part of the terrorist attack was watching in disbelief — the iconic New York skyline forever changed when the Twin Towers crumbled to the ground in a huge grey cloud of dust. I will never forget the fear in that moment of not knowing which of my friends were alive or dead. However, what I worried about the most happened two days later when, still in a state of shock, I had to attend a meeting in Detroit the day LaGuardia Airport reopened. Entering an empty plane accompanied by U.S. Air Marshalls, the feeling of danger kicked in, and I worried about my own life. I felt like I was holding my breath for the entire flight, gripping my armrest and waiting for terrorists to overtake the plane. Luckily, I have gotten over my fear of flying now, but that was terrifying.
How did you react in the short term?
In the short term, I struggled with post-traumatic stress and was very forgetful, leaving my phone in taxis all over New York City. I could not sleep at night because of the noise of the garbage bags I had put over the windows of my Lower East side apartment to keep the dust out. In the weeks that followed, I felt utterly disconnected. It seemed like everyone I knew, including my friends who lived in New York City, wanted to hear first-hand what it was like to be on New York’s downtown streets on the morning of September 11th. I was so grateful for their concerned calls and emails. But it also made me relive the story repeatedly, which I was desperate to avoid.
After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use?
During this time, my refuge and coping mechanism was the tremendous community support I found in my neighborhood, particularly at my local fire station. It was referred to as “Fort Pitt”: Engine 15, Ladder Company 18, located on Pitt Street. I began making daily stops to offer fresh cookies and lunch — any excuse to be close to the heroes of 9/11. I felt helpless not be able to be more of service. I struggled with wondering what difference I was making with my life as the first responders set off to experience “the Pile” of Ground Zero every day.
The firefighters allowed me to experience what it meant to have a purpose in life, and in the weeks that followed 9/11, I felt the call of service, directing my life down a different path. This strong connection to my community, and the fire station, helped me stop holding my breath in fear. I began to sleep at night, and I began to feel safe again. In psychology, we call this post-traumatic growth a positive psychological change due to adversity that allows you to rise to a higher level of functioning and even find meaning.
Can you share with us how you were eventually able to heal and “let go” of the negative aspects of that event?
A year after 9/11, I began working in the emergency room of St. Vincent’s hospital as a volunteer for the Rape Crisis Program. While thoughts of what I saw on that autumn morning still wafted through my mind from time to time, helping others helped me heal too. I could feel my heartbeat again. The New York firefighters unknowingly taught me not to hold on to trauma or define myself by my pain or suffering but rather by my strength. It made me want to start volunteering in the emergency room. In the months following September 11th, I learned that we don’t always get second chances in life, so I had better make this one count.
Aside from letting go, what did you do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?
Have you been to the Holocaust museum in Israel, where they have the bar/bat mitzvah twinning program for the children who were murdered during the Holocaust? After 9/11, my internal emotional shift was similar. I wanted to make sure I was living my best life for those who were no longer there. Since that day, I have taken the attitude Mary Oliver so eloquently encourages in her poem The Summer Day, “Tell me, what is your plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” In the months that followed 9/11, I kept a daily religious gratitude practice. I was thankful I was alive, and I got to live my precious life.
Humor and laughter were then and continue to be incredibly healing tools for me. Research has shown that when we laugh during times of stress, it helps to build resilience. I know it seems ironic since I have such a serious job, but I try to find the humor in just about anything, even things that are not so funny sometimes. My patients know that I use humor as a healing modality, too, because, neurologically, there is such a fine line between laughter and tears. My love for humor recently spawned a podcast called “Laughter Is the Best Medicine” with Dr. Matt Iseman, an M.D. turned stand-up comic, where we interview inspiring people who have overcome adversity and gotten to the other side. Our goal in starting the podcast is to help educate and support as many people as possible with medical and mental health information after the COVID19 pandemic.
Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?
Countless people helped me heal and cope after the tragedy of 9/11, from my parents to my family, friends, co-workers, and my community. It was also the city itself that helped me heal. In the weeks that followed the terrorist attack, New York City felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes stronger and more powerful. The city gave me the strength to know we would heal as a community together and get out on the other side.
Were you able to eventually reframe the consequences and turn it into a positive situation? Can you explain how you did that?
If it weren’t for the horrific events on 9/11, I would not be a trauma therapist today. It completely changed the trajectory of my life, and I am continually honored by the courage of the people who allowed me to walk alongside them in their healing journeys. September 11th, and what followed, truly taught me about the resilience of the human spirit and the human capacity to grow despite pain, suffering, and adversity. It is how I found purpose in my life and made meaning of my experience. While many people’s 9/11 stories are different, there are still common threads that bind us together. They are stories of loss and life, of tragedy and courage, of bravery and despair. Most of all, they are stories of love — love for one other because the bond that united everyone who experienced the tragedy of September 11th is so strong. We are so much stronger together.
This year is the twentieth memorial anniversary of September 11th. I wrote a short piece about my experience, which is part of a book launching this summer called “The Epiphanies Project: Twenty Stories of Personal Revelation.” I hope that sharing my 9/11 experience may help someone else struggling with loss. Sharing the pages with the other authors in this book, I was inspired by their epiphanies, too, and I feel honored to be part of this book project. As people begin to heal from the pandemic, I genuinely hope they will all find post-traumatic growth and meaning from this historical time. I hope, in some small way, our stories in The Epiphanies Project may help others too.
What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? Can you please explain with a story or example?
One of the key things I learned about myself from September 11th is that I gained a deep conviction that I should see every day as a gift and make the most of it. This view on life has allowed me to walk in darkness many times in my life, but still, I get up every day and feel blessed that I get to live my one precious life.
Fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give others to help them get through a difficult life challenge? What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change? Please share a story or example for each.
Everyone needs different things to heal after a dramatic loss or life change. Yet, there are still some universal needs that support people’s healing journey. My top 5 things people need are:
1. Get Support
Often, when people go through dramatic loss or change, they are initially in a state of shock and do not realize the impact the event has on their emotional and physical well-being. They may even feel like they are “fine.” However, when the loss sets in, their nervous systems usually dysregulate, and they experience intense feelings in their body.
Asking for help isn’t always easy, and people can feel shame about needing it. But people need to remember that we are social beings and need others to help us, especially in times of crisis. Seeking professional support can help people avoid the long-term impacts of a dramatic loss or change.
(If you are struggling to find a mental health provider, ask your primary provider for a referral, call your insurance company, or contact your community mental health center, urgent care, or local hospital for support. Other resources are PsychologyToday.com,TryFrame.com, Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 800–273-Talk, and Physician Supportline, 888–409–0141.)
2. Stick To A Schedule
One of the first things I tell my patients when they start treatment after a loss is to create a consistent routine and schedule. It doesn’t mean that they can’t have spontaneity in their lives but the more predictability they provide to their bodies, especially in times of stress or after a loss, the more their nervous system can calm down. When we are healing, creating everyday routines — like when we get up, eat, exercise, socialize, and sleep — helps us be in calmer states. Essentially, how we feel in our body and nervous system is the major dictating factor in our lives, and it starts with a good routine and structure in our lives!
3. Breathe
After a dramatic loss or change, people just want to be functional again in their lives and have the physiological symptoms dissipate.
One of the best real-time tools to help alleviate agitation and anxiety feelings is being studied at Jack Feldman’s lab at UCLA. It’s called the physiological sign. I am not talking about breathwork. This is different and super simple. If your exhales are more extended and slower than your inhales, it slows down your heart rate. The idea is if you do a double inhale through your nose and long exhale, it reduces that agitation. If you do this exercise three times, it can bring your stress down pretty fast. Meditation, breathwork, sleep, exercise, and nutrition are all fantastic tools to help reduce stress symptoms. However, those are not all real-time tools when we are dysregulated and want to feel better immediately.
4. Connections
One of the most significant ways for us to heal is through the power of our connections. There is fantastic research looking at organizations like the Boulder Crest Foundation for veterans and their families which shows the impact that connection has on healing. I was also fortunate to work on research that helps create the psychological trauma prevention curriculum for EMTs and first responders where we saw the impact that partnership and community had on thriving after loss and trauma.
Connections give us physical benefits, too. We get a rush of serotonin when we see someone we recognize and trust, which makes us feel better biologically. I know it seems small and simple, but never underestimate the power of getting a hug and talking about your feelings. Having connections is a key to healing after loss.
5. Choose To Find Joy Every Day
We have all experienced or will experience loss and change at some point in our lives. Pain is inevitable. Yet we can work to have happiness and joy in our lives. The fantastic thing about joy, too, is that it compounds for us and those around us. The more we seek it, the more we find it, and we start to live in abundance rather than scarcity. While we can feel guilty if we’re happy or joyful after a loss or trauma, it is essential to our healing that we find things to delight us too. Our brain produces serotonin when we do playful and joyful things, which is a secondary gain of helping us feel better after a loss. Most importantly, it is the magical moments that make life worth living, and we deserve to experience them even after a dramatic loss or change in our lives.
You are a person of significant influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
I hope I am starting to do that now by helping to destigmatize mental health so people can heal and start focusing on their emotional health. Our mental health matters and people need to realize its impact on our overall wellness since how we FEEL impacts everything in our lives.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in business, V.C. funding, sports, and entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the U.S. with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-).
There are so many people! Where do I even start! Besides the New York firefighters Engine 15 in New York City that I truly thank for their impact on my life. I would have to say Dr. Andrew Huberman from Stanford University, who is creating a free neuroscience educational platform. I am genuinely grateful for his work in the science, psychology, and mental health community, helping educate people about the importance of our mental health and wellness.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Your readers can find me on social media on Instagram @SusanZinnTherapy, Twitter @SusanZinnLPCC, and my website is
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
