Talaya Dendy of On the Other Side: I Survived Cancer and Here Is How I Did It

An Interview With Savio P. Clemente

Published in

Authority Magazine

16 min readSep 9, 2021

Don’t be afraid to explore integrative care and complementary therapies. Those options are available to help reduce side effects, optimize conventional care, and as a whole, improve the quality of life. For example, acupuncture has helped many people that I know personally. It helped to reduce their pain, sleep better, and reduced stress and anxiety.

Cancer is a horrible and terrifying disease. Yet millions of people have beaten the odds and beat cancer. Authority Magazine started a new series called “I Survived Cancer and Here Is How I Did It”. In this interview series, we are talking to cancer survivors to share their stories, in order to offer hope and provide strength to people who are being impacted by cancer today. As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Talaya Dendy.

“Talaya Dendy is a ten-year cancer thriver, Cancer Doula, and the founder of On the Other Side, an organization dedicated to providing personalized cancer support using a patient-centered and holistic approach.

Talaya uses her experience as a 10-year cancer thriver to serve as a partner and expert navigator by helping her clients navigate their cancer journey and ensure they are not overwhelmed, crippled by fear, discouraged, and alone. Talaya’s support and guidance allow her clients to take charge of their health and focus on healing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Therefore, creating a better outcome and quality of life that they desire.”

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! We really appreciate the courage it takes to publicly share your story. Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your childhood backstory?

As a child, I always loved to be outside playing, riding my bike, and roller skating. I grew up in St. Paul, MN, sometimes called the Twin Cities, because Minneapolis is just across the river. Winters can be long and brutal in the Twin Cities, so I always made sure to enjoy my time playing outside as much as possible.

My favorite childhood memories were when I spent the summers in Ponchatoula, LA visiting my grandma Net. Being a girl from the North, I could not get with all the bugs, wildlife, and extreme heat. However, I was fascinated by the town alligator, Ole Hardhide, and I loved spending time with my grandmother! She had so much knowledge and wisdom. She was a great cook and so much fun. Her favorite past times were playing bingo, watching the Price is Right, and the Wheel of Fortune.

I loved to listen to her talk. It seemed like there was nothing that she did not know. She seemed to have an answer for everything, whether you wanted to hear it or not. If I happened to get sick or get bad insect bites, she went to the kitchen, not the drug store. Grandma Net taught me a lot about life and how to make the best homemade pecan candy.

My grandmother showed me and taught me what unconditional love is and how it feels. She always told me that I was beautiful, smart, that I would do something with my life, and that I would do great things in this world. She would crack up when I talked because she said I was so proper and pronounced every syllable. People say that I have an old soul. I believe some of that is due to how much time I spent with her.

I remember being very uncomfortable as a child when people would stare at me. I always wondered why, what they were thinking, and what they were looking for when they stared at me. She said to me, “Don’t worry about that! They are staring at you because you are so beautiful. Did you ever think of that?” Talk about a grandmother’s love! Today, her words are with me. When I get that uncomfortable feeling, I think about her, I smile, and I say to myself, “She is probably right.”

She is with me in every way! One night I was really sick. All I could do was get up and pace the floor, praying for the pain to go away. She came to me and said, “Don’t worry about anything. Everything is going to be alright. Don’t worry.” That was when I knew for sure that cancer was not going to end my life.

I can’t talk about my childhood without mentioning my mother. I loved when Christmas rolled around. She made sure that we always had the best Christmas. We spent the whole day decorating the Christmas tree, watching Christmas movies, baking cookies, and laughing. My mom always made sure that I had what I needed and many of the things I wanted. She taught me the importance of having a good work ethic, taking care of myself (inside and out), and being self-sufficient. She always told me that I could do and achieve anything that I want.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

My favorite life lesson quote is from Lena Horne. “It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” This quote has been relevant to me throughout my life so far. There have been many tough times and uncertainty in my life, but I did not allow those things to lead me down the path of consistent negativity. I realized that the way I chose to look at those situations highly determined the outcome. I had to lean on my analytical skills and figure out what was really at the core of what was taking place. What, if anything, could I control? What is the lesson, and how do I use it to be stronger and better, especially if it doesn’t kill me?

There is always a lesson to be learned in the things that show up in our lives. This quote spoke to me in more ways than one when I was diagnosed with cancer more than any other time in my life! I had to decide what I wanted my outcome to be and learn what I needed to do to get that outcome or get pretty close to it. I could not let cancer carry my mind away even though it was attacking my body. I learned how to let my mind lead the way. I had to learn fast how to properly carry the load that cancer had placed upon me. It was a time when I had to carry the load from within! There were days when the load seemed too heavy, and on those days, I had to shift the weight and take things on a minute-by-minute basis.

I learned in life that the way you carry the load might change several times in each situation, but what matters is that you carry the load in a way that benefits you and your wellbeing. You can use the same load that was sent to break you down, to build yourself back up.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about surviving cancer. Do you feel comfortable sharing with us the story surrounding how you found out that you had cancer?

In 2010, I went in for my annual physical exam. I told my primary care doctor at the time that I had a small lump on my neck that had been there for a few weeks. She asked me if I had been sick. I told her that I had not been sick. She knew that I had been working out quite a bit, so she said it was probably just a pulled muscle. She did not look at it. She did not touch it or anything. She just blew it off as nothing to be concerned about.

Fast forward a year later. I found a new primary care doctor because the same lump was still there, only larger, and harder. Also, I did not like the lack of regard that I received from my previous doctor. I knew something was wrong. I told my new doctor about it, and she immediately looked at it, touched it, and started asking questions.

I could tell by the look in her eyes that it was not good. She told me that I needed to get an ultrasound as soon as possible. Mind you I was about 2–3 weeks into a new job. I went in for an ultrasound and the technician had the same look. She said that everything would be reviewed, and a doctor would get in touch with me. A few days later, I got a call saying that I needed to come in for a fine needle aspiration because they were not able to determine what was going on from the ultrasound. They wanted to be sure before making a final diagnosis. I had the fine needle aspiration done and it came back inconclusive because the sample size was not large enough to make a final determination.

Finally, I went in for a full biopsy of the swollen lymph node in my neck. A couple of days later, I got the dreaded call! I found out that I had cancer on a Friday, driving home from work. I received a call from a nurse, and she informed me that the biopsy concluded that I had Hodgkin lymphoma. She told me that she could not tell me more than that, but she assured me that everything would be ok because her husband had it before and he was doing fine.

A WHOLE year later, a WHOLE year after walking around with cancer in my body, I received the news, and it was time to take action. It was time to face what I had known for a year, that something was terribly wrong.

I credit Dr. Sadia Ali Jama with HealthPartners for not blowing me off, seeing me as a human being, caring for me, and helping to save my life!

Let me make it clear, I take some responsibility in a year going by and I would never put off my health like that again! Life and fear paralyzed me and the hope that the lump would magically go away. Through this experience, I became the best self-advocate there is!

What was the scariest part of that event? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?

Looking back, the scariest part of that event was the first day that I started chemotherapy. I did not know how it would affect my body. I did not know if it would work and kill the cancer.

I thought the worst thing that could happen to me was that I could die from the chemo killing my good cells as well as the bad cells. It was so unorthodox that the treatment that I was being given was keeping me alive, and in a way, killing me at the same time.

How did you react in the short term?

In the short term, I prayed for strength every day, all day. I educated myself more on the power of mind-body connection, and I created a healing journal that consisted of healing scriptures that I read every morning. I allowed myself to feel and work through the different emotions that showed up, and I let them go so I could create space for whatever was next. I also learned as much I could about the type of chemotherapy I would be taking, the side effects, and other options.

After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use? What did you do to cope physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?

After the dust settled, I coped physically by continuing to exercise as much as possible. It was important to me to keep moving. Even though I could not work out at the same intensity as before, I did something every day, even if it was just stretching.

I coped mentally by talking with a social worker at the hospital where I was treated. This helped me openly talk about what I had been through and start to think about how to move forward. Journaling also helped me cope.

I coped emotionally by truly acknowledging what I was feeling, the good and the bad. I needed not judge myself or my feelings. I tried to focus on things that helped me laugh and relax, like reading and watching comedy shows. I created a vision board of the hope I had for my future and what I wanted it to look like. Also, gratitude became my best friend!

I coped spiritually by continuing to read my healing scriptures daily, and I prayed and meditated. I deeply got in touch with values that were important to me and that I would not compromise. I envisioned a way of living that I wanted, focused on, and centered around peace. I realized that I was taking on too much. Everything and everyone did not deserve a place and space in my heart and head. I began to focus only on what was important to me and the things that mattered.

Is there a particular person you are grateful towards who helped you learn to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?

I am very grateful for my mother. She was there for me throughout the entire ordeal. She went to just about every chemo infusion with me and she would stay with me for a couple of days after to make sure that I was not alone, and I did not have any adverse reactions to the treatment.

Below is a short paragraph that I submitted for The Celebrating Moms of All Ages-Phenomenal Mother contest, which sums up how my mother helped me cope and heal.

I am nominating my mother, Lois Dendy. There are many reasons why I could nominate her, but there is one specific reason that I would like to spotlight. In 2011, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma.

When I told my mother, she said, “I am with you until the end, baby girl.” She did exactly that! My mother stood by my side the whole time and even after. She took off work and went to every chemotherapy treatment with me except for one, but even then, she made sure that I had someone to go with me.

After my treatments, she would come and stay with me for a couple of days before going back to work to make sure that I did not have any bad reactions and be there with me when I was not feeling well. She did this for six months straight! She made sure that I had what I needed.

Whenever I had an appetite, my mother would cook whatever I wanted, which usually was red beans and rice. She would come to my home and clean. She would go on different outings with me when I needed to get out of the house. She helped me to stay positive and uplifted. I knew that my mother was afraid, but she did not show it. She did not complain. She was my rock. She did not crumble.

Years later, my mother said that the hardest part was not being able to do anything. What she didn’t realize is that she did everything and then some. Her actions helped to keep me alive and give me hope. Her love helped me heal!

I am very honored and happy to say that my mother was one of the winners of the contest!

In my own cancer struggle, I sometimes used the idea of embodiment to help me cope. Let’s take a minute to look at cancer from an embodiment perspective. If your cancer had a message for you, what do you think it would want or say?

If my cancer had a message for me, it would say, life is too short to follow societal norms. You are put on this earth to do more! Believe in yourself and stop shrinking for others.

Your life has been about firsts, so stop putting yourself last! You spend too much time worrying about what others think, and it is time to let go, live, and go after your dreams.

I was sent to help you get moving and to get out of your comfort zone. I am here to reveal your purpose, which you have prayed for so long.

It is not pretty right now, but it gets greater later!

What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? How has cancer shaped your worldview? What has it taught you that you might never have considered before? Can you please explain with a story or example?

During this difficult experience, I learned that I had blind spots when it came to how I valued myself and past traumas that I had not completely worked through. I had a lot of emotional healing that I had to do. I never had the time to sit down and think about it and heal from it. Cancer made me be still long enough to revisit and work through those things. It was a part of my total healing that had to take place at that time.

Cancer has shaped my worldview by encouraging me to look at things from multiple perspectives. Realizing that there is more detail and meaning in the bigger picture and sometimes the answers are outside of me and sometimes they are inside of me. The key is not to be afraid to look and explore.

Cancer taught me that the things that I thought were hard, were actually a piece of cake. It taught me that I can do and come out on the other side of anything if I put my mind to it. It taught me to value every aspect of my life because things can change so quickly. As long as I am breathing, I am LIVING not existing!

How have you used your experience to bring goodness to the world?

I have used my experience to bring goodness to the world by volunteering with cancer organizations and serving as a mentor to those diagnosed with cancer.

I started On the Other Side to help cancer patients and their loved ones through a tough time that impacts every area of their lives.

I am also sharing my story more openly to create awareness, educate, advocate, and encourage others who have received a cancer diagnosis.

Cancer is not something that most people want to talk about or think about. However, it is necessary given the fact that more and more people are being diagnosed with cancer.

What are a few of the biggest misconceptions and myths out there about fighting cancer that you would like to dispel?

A few of the biggest misconceptions and myths about fighting cancer that I would like to dispel are that people that have cancer look a certain way. That everyone loses their hair and looks sick, and if they don’t look sick, they can’t be sick! Different kinds of treatment cause different side effects, and everyone is not affected the same way.

When the treatment is complete, the cancer journey is over, and things will go back to normal. That is a HUGE misconception. It is not over! It means that the person is entering into a new phase. There is something called the cancer continuum, and it lasts the remainder of one’s life.

Fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give to others who have recently been diagnosed with cancer? What are your “5 Things You Need To Beat Cancer? Please share a story or example for each.

You must start with your mindset. I am not talking about pretending to be positive. Instead of thinking catastrophically about cancer, think about what you can control and manage. That will help you to start thinking about cancer as being manageable. This outlook is empowering. It can have a positive impact on your health, healing, and well-being.
Form a partnership with your oncologist and health care team. You are the captain of the team! Talk openly and honestly about your needs and what you want. It is the time to over-communicate and ask a lot of questions. Take notes, and if possible, bring someone with you to your appointments. As a team, you should be working together effectively. If you feel that is not happening, it is ok to replace or reassemble your health care team.
Don’t be afraid to explore integrative care and complementary therapies. Those options are available to help reduce side effects, optimize conventional care, and as a whole, improve the quality of life. For example, acupuncture has helped many people that I know personally. It helped to reduce their pain, sleep better, and reduced stress and anxiety.
You are not a burden. Ask for help from those you trust and who are reliable. Many of your friends and family want to help. They may not know how to help or what you need. When you know, communicate that to them. If you are not sure what kind of help you need, communicate that as well and let them know that you are trying to figure it out. No one is going to have all the answers.
Try not to isolate yourself. I know that it can feel like no one understands what you are going through. However, it is important for your well-being, and emotional and mental health to stay connected to others as much as possible. Isolation can be a result of insecurity and negative self-talk, so be mindful of your thoughts and how you are talking to yourself. This ties back to #1. Start with your mindset.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be?

I would make sure that everyone has access to quality and equitable health care and education. When we know better, we do better.

I want to make sure that the WHOLE person is cared for. It is tough for someone to focus on their health if they are focused on finding shelter for the night. I believe that a movement focused on starting at the base of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (physiological and safety) and working up will bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people. That is where the foundation is started and built. Everyone needs that foundation.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)

I would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with Maya Moore for several reasons. On the court, she is my all-time favorite WNBA player on my favorite team, the MN Lynx. Off the court, her faith and strong desire to help others are commendable.

Maya received the 2021 Arthur Ashe Courage Award in July.

Her acceptance speech touched me. She urged emotional courage and using our power to empower others. She is a great example of how women can show up and serve in many different areas and have a huge, long-lasting impact. She saw a need, and she stepped out on faith to fight against injustice, and she did it at the height of her WNBA career. She is without, a doubt, a game-changer!

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Your readers can follow my work online on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube. I recently started a podcast called Navigating Cancer TOGETHER. It is on Anchor and other podcast apps.

Website

https://www.ontheotherside.life/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/talaya.dendy.3/ (personal profile)

https://www.facebook.com/ontheothersidecancerdoula (business page)

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/ontheotherside17/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/talayadendy/ (personal profile)

https://www.linkedin.com/company/on-the-other-side/ (business page)

YouTube Channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5VNLrkFvS2QSz5IUmLA4bA

Podcast