Coach Laura Amador on Five Keys to Happy, Lasting Marriages

An Interview With Nancy Landrum

Prioritize Self-Care: While husbands desire their wives’ happiness, true happiness comes from within. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation because you deserve it. A fulfilled and content wife inspires her husband and invites him to participate joyfully in her happiness.

Marriage is a complex journey that combines love, partnership, and mutual growth. To explore the foundations of successful marriages, we are talking to experienced marriage and family therapists. who guide couples through their challenges and triumphs. This series will delve into professional advice and strategies that foster long-lasting, fulfilling relationships. As a part of this series I had the pleasure of interviewing Laura Amador.

Laura Amador is a relationship coach specializing in empowering wives through the transformative Six Intimacy Skills. With her expertise, she guides women in revitalizing their relationships by fostering connection, intimacy, peace, and passion single-handedly.

As a wife and mother of three children, Laura embodies the principles she teaches, applying them to cultivate the nurturing home and fulfilling relationship she had always envisioned. Her personal journey with these skills has fueled her mission to combat global divorce rates, empower women, and promote thriving, healthy families.

Laura’s commitment extends beyond individual coaching sessions; she strives to equip women with practical tools and insights that not only restore marital harmony but also foster enduring love and mutual respect. Her vision is grounded in the belief that empowered women can transform their relationships and contribute positively to broader social change.

Through her work, Laura aims to create a world where marriages flourish, families thrive, and individuals experience the joy of deeply fulfilling partnerships. She remains steadfast in her mission to make a meaningful impact on the lives of women and families worldwide.

Learn more at: https://www.coachlauraamador.com/)

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what inspired you to become a therapist?

I once heard it said that research often begins as “me-search,” and this sentiment rings true in my own journey. Just a few years into my marriage, I found myself scouring the internet night after night, desperately seeking ways to improve my relationship. The sense of loneliness and lack of appreciation I felt was overwhelming, and I couldn’t understand how we had drifted into this state.

As I delved deeper into forums filled with disgruntled spouses and consumed every article and book I could find, I quickly became overwhelmed by the myriad of conflicting advice. The more I read, the more hopeless and confused I felt. Much of the guidance assumed that both partners would be equally committed to fixing things, but if that were the case, I wouldn’t have been searching for help in the first place.

I approached my marriage like a lab experiment, meticulously trying out different pieces of advice, analyzing the results, and moving on when they didn’t work. Despite my efforts, nothing seemed to make a difference. In fact, the more I tried, the more strained our relationship became. Date nights and heartfelt conversations weren’t bridging the emotional gap I longed to close.

The turning point came when I discovered the Six Intimacy Skills. These skills were transformative, producing tangible positive changes almost immediately. For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful. I immersed myself in these new strategies and was able to single-handedly restore the connection in my marriage.

The profound impact of these skills inspired me to help others. I trained with Laura Doyle, the world-renowned creator of the Six Intimacy Skills, and joined her mission to end world divorce. Through this training, I have had the privilege of coaching dozens of women, guiding them to rekindle the love and fulfillment in their own marriages.

My personal experience, combined with the stories of the women I’ve coached, affirms that it is absolutely possible to turn a marriage around. A fulfilling and loving relationship is within reach. My hope is that this interview will provide your readers with the encouragement and hope they need. No matter how dire the situation may seem, there is always a path to transformation and joy.

What are some common misconceptions about marriage that you frequently encounter in your work?

My work focuses exclusively on empowering women through the Intimacy Skills, allowing them to experience the joy of being desired, cherished, and cared for by their husbands. What I’ve found, and what resonates deeply with the women I work with, is that these gestures are most meaningful when they stem from genuine inspiration rather than obligation.

One of the most pervasive myths I encounter is the belief that a marriage cannot be healed or saved unless both partners are equally invested. While this idea makes sense in theory, the reality is often different. If both partners were already fully committed, they likely wouldn’t be facing difficulties in the first place.

In many cases, I see wives repeatedly communicating their needs to their husbands, yet little to no progress is made. This can lead to feelings of resentment, hurt, and exhaustion as they feel burdened with carrying the entire relationship. Such experiences can erode their self-confidence and sense of self-worth, which is profoundly demoralizing.

In response, husbands may withdraw or become distant and defensive, exacerbating the negative cycle. Left unchecked, this cycle can escalate, posing a serious threat to the marriage.

When a wife begins practicing the Intimacy Skills, she often takes the initial steps towards change. However, it’s remarkable how quickly her husband begins to respond differently. As she embraces her new approach, he may naturally step into the role of her hero — supporting her, appreciating her efforts, and actively participating in nurturing their relationship.

This shift isn’t just about redistributing responsibility; it’s about fostering a dynamic where both partners feel valued and fulfilled. By empowering women with these skills, I’ve witnessed countless marriages transform from distress to connection, demonstrating that positive change can indeed begin with one person.

How can couples keep the romance alive, especially after many years together?

Many wonder how to maintain romance and passion in a marriage. It can be a challenge, especially as stress, busy schedules, and routine set in.

Love in marriage thrives on the warmth and comfort of familiarity, where couples feel close and deeply connected. Conversely, passion, desire, and romance are sustained by the mystery and intrigue that inspire a husband to continually court his wife. The question is how to maintain a balance between familiarity and mystery to maintain romance.

Women often crave to feel desired and cherished through romantic gestures, while husbands typically find fulfillment in expressing their masculinity and knowing they can bring happiness to their partner.

For women, feeling desired goes beyond physical attraction; it encompasses being pursued and cherished in ways that affirm their emotional connection. Romantic gestures, quality time, and emotional safety all contribute to stroking the romantic flames.

On the other hand, husbands often feel satisfaction from fulfilling their roles as providers and protectors. They take pride in knowing they can bring joy and fulfillment to their wives through their actions and decisions. This fulfillment reinforces their sense of masculinity and strengthens their bond with their wife.

Understanding and honoring these dynamics can enrich a relationship by fostering mutual appreciation and deepening emotional connection. When both partners feel valued and understood in their respective desires, it creates a foundation for enduring intimacy and romance in the relationship.

What often happens is that over time, as familiarity grows, the mystery and polarity dynamics can diminish, taking with it the sparks of romance and passion. To sustain a vibrant relationship, both elements must coexist harmoniously. Couples can nurture familiarity by building a shared life together, while also fostering mystery by maintaining individual interests, friendships, and hobbies.

When couples do everything together, they risk losing the sense of mystery that ignites desire. Conversely, when they grow too distant, they risk losing the cozy familiarity that anchors their bond.

Wives play a pivotal role in restoring this balance by prioritizing their own desires, interests, hobbies, and self-care. This not only cultivates a deeper sense of self-love but also introduces an element of mystery as they pursue fulfilling and enriching experiences independently.

Another crucial element in revitalizing marital romance is cultivating gratitude. This goes beyond simply acknowledging daily tasks; it involves deeply appreciating one another for who they are and the unique contributions they bring to the relationship. Expressing genuine gratitude fosters emotional safety and intimacy, essential for rekindling romance and nurturing a thriving marital culture.

What are some common conflicts that couples face, and how can they resolve these conflicts in a healthy manner?

Conflicts within a marriage can manifest in countless ways, often rooted in underlying feelings of resentment. One or both partners may feel unappreciated, unsupported, and disconnected. I often hear from wives that they feel like their husband’s never want to spend time with them, and don’t seem to care anymore which can be deeply disheartening when they originally envisioned their spouse as their lover, friend, and steadfast emotional support for life.

When addressing marital conflicts constructively, many people initially think of open communication as the solution. While communication is indeed crucial, effective communication that fosters deeper connection is often completely misunderstood.

Typically, attempts at open communication for the betterment of the relationship can unintentionally devolve into listing grievances about the marriage and each other. This approach, far from instigating positive change, tends to leave the other spouse feeling criticized, wounded, and compelled to withdraw. Instead of fostering closeness, such communication often breeds further distance.

While it’s essential for individuals to communicate their needs, desires, and limits, a more effective, compassionate, and productive approach begins with gratitude. Partners are encouraged to reflect on everything that is going well in their relationship and acknowledge the positive contributions their spouse makes to their life. Even in the face of disappointment, this exercise is pivotal because what we focus on tends to expand; dwelling solely on negatives can perpetuate dissatisfaction.

In any vulnerable communication, it’s crucial to avoid control, criticism, and judgment, as these behaviors undermine respect and hinder relationship growth. Respectful communication creates a foundation where marital conflicts diminish significantly.

Recognizing that no one is perfect, it’s important for both partners to take accountability for their actions during conflicts. Conflict rarely arises from a single source, so evaluating one’s own role, no matter how small, and offering a sincere apology without deflecting responsibility is key to restoring respect and trust.

It’s natural to want to influence our partner’s growth, yet it’s equally vital to focus on our own personal development. Rather than fixating on how we wish our spouse would change, we empower ourselves by directing our energy towards our own growth and self-improvement. This mindset fosters humility, openness, and a continual quest for personal and relational enhancement.

In essence, the foundation of a thriving marriage lies in respectful, grateful communication, accountability, and personal growth. By nurturing these principles, couples can navigate conflicts with grace and build a resilient partnership that grows stronger over time.

How important is trust in maintaining a strong marital bond? What strategies do you recommend for rebuilding trust after it has been broken?

Trust forms the foundation of emotional safety within a relationship, essential for fostering deep connection and intimacy. Yet, many couples grapple with trust issues, whether stemming from past traumas held unconsciously or breaches of trust within the marriage itself.

When a couple endeavors to rebuild trust after it has been shattered, it’s common for the partner who broke trust to be given a set of conditions to meet in order to regain trust. While this approach seems logical, it often proves inadequate in practice. Time and again, the betrayed spouse continues to scrutinize their partner’s actions, searching for evidence that they’re partner will hurt them again. This behavior stems from a protective instinct, as trusting someone who has hurt you deeply can feel very scary.

Meanwhile, the partner striving to regain trust may feel trapped in a cycle where no amount of effort seems sufficient to erase the past transgression. They may perceive themselves as eternally cast in the role of the villain, with the shadow of their mistake looming over the relationship. This perception can lead to feelings of hopelessness, defeat, and exhaustion.

Genuine healing of trust requires a courageous choice to trust again. Requiring one partner to constantly prove themselves as a condition for earning back trust is ultimately controlling and undermines the healing process. This approach presumes one person has good intentions while the other harbors ill will, fostering an adversarial dynamic that erodes connection. Such a mindset only perpetuates a cycle where one feels constantly scrutinized and condemned, while the other is perpetually expecting and waiting to be hurt and disappointed.

In reality, it’s impossible to completely protect ourselves from potential hurt. Love and trust inherently involve vulnerability and risk. Fostering an environment conducive to healing involves cultivating mutual respect and treating one’s partner as though trust has already been restored, if forgiveness and healing have been chosen.

Trust, like a muscle, strengthens through practice and exercise, not through withholding until specific conditions are met. It requires a commitment to vulnerability and mutual understanding, where both partners actively work towards rebuilding trust through consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity.

Can you share some practical communication techniques that couples can use to improve their relationship?

Most importantly, effective communication in a relationship excludes judgments, criticisms, and any form of control — a fundamental principle often overlooked as society teaches us that “being honest” is a pass for being disrespectful. Most people don’t even recognize when they’re disrespecting their partner because they think they’re simply expressing themselves.

The success of a marriage hinges on the accumulation of everyday interactions between partners. While it may seem benign to point out how the dishwasher was loaded incorrectly, these seemingly minor exchanges accumulate over time and profoundly impact whether a marriage feels distant and cold or vibrant and connected.

Every critical comment, no matter how trivial it may appear, exacts a toll on intimacy. Partners are encouraged to reflect on whether sacrificing intimacy over how a chore is performed is a worthwhile trade-off.

In contrast, successful and happy couples prioritize preserving their connection and avoid letting minor annoyances overshadow their relationship. They refrain from attaching personal significance to their partner’s actions and instead respect each other’s autonomy. This entails allowing their partner to handle tasks in their preferred manner without interpreting it as a personal affront.

Resentment often builds up in relationships, manifesting in petty behaviors, passive-aggressive remarks, and frequent criticism. It serves as a red flag indicating unmet personal needs, desires, or boundaries. Partners are urged to cultivate self-awareness to identify and assert their needs and desires without assigning blame to their spouse.

Ultimately, the way we allow ourselves to be treated and loved by others begins with how we treat and love ourselves. By honoring our own needs and boundaries, we set a precedent for others to do the same, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling relationship dynamic.

What are five skills or concepts that you’ve found beneficial in your marriage that you also share when working with couples?

These five concepts are transformative strategies I share with my clients (wives) to help them rebuild a deep connection with their husbands. While they may initially seem counterintuitive because of their indirect approach, these proven strategies have successfully worked for thousands of women worldwide.

1. Express Your Desires in an Inspirational Way: Instead of shouldering everything yourself, empower your husband to step into the role of your hero. Share your genuine desires with him, whether big or small. Experiment with phrases like, “I’d love a cup of coffee,” or “I’d love to explore that new restaurant in town.” Inviting him to fulfill your desires not only strengthens your connection but also fosters a sense of partnership and shared joy.
2. Practice Gratitude: Expressing appreciation is a powerful tool for nurturing intimacy. Take moments to genuinely acknowledge and thank your husband for his actions, however small. Specific gratitude, such as saying, “You remembered how I like my coffee! Thank you, you’re the best,” enhances the emotional bond and encourages reciprocal appreciation from him.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: While husbands desire their wives’ happiness, true happiness comes from within. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation because you deserve it. A fulfilled and content wife inspires her husband and invites him to participate joyfully in her happiness.
4. Give Your Partner Full Autonomy: For a man to feel like a hero, it’s crucial to trust and respect his decisions and actions. Avoid correcting or controlling behaviors, such as jumping in to correct how the dishwasher is loaded or telling him how to take better care of his health. Trusting his capabilities and decisions fosters his confidence and strengthens your mutual respect and connection.
5. Combat Resentment with Self-Awareness and Limits: Resentment undermines love and intimacy. Learn to say no to activities or requests that overwhelm or deplete you. Prioritizing your well-being is essential for showing up as your best self in the relationship. Honoring your needs and limits fosters a healthier dynamic, even if it means momentarily disappointing your partner. Building the skill to assert boundaries enhances your self-respect and strengthens the relationship in the long run.

How hard is it to practice what you teach couples in therapy?

I’ve integrated the Intimacy Skills into my daily life long before I began coaching, making them a natural part of who I am today. However, like any person, I’m not perfect, and there are times when I don’t always live up to my ideals. Yet, these moments serve as opportunities for growth and learning.

When I do slip up, I’m grateful that I possess the knowledge to restore connection in my marriage swiftly. Central to this process is taking full accountability for my actions. Acknowledging my missteps and their impact allows me to address them sincerely and rebuild trust and intimacy with my spouse.

By practicing accountability and humility, I not only uphold my commitment to personal growth but also continue to strengthen the foundation of respect and understanding in my marriage. These experiences reinforce the importance of the Intimacy Skills not just as tools for coaching others but as guiding principles that enrich my own relationship journey.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Who has been the inspiration or model for your marriage? Can you share a story about that?

My journey into marriage and relationship coaching was sparked by two remarkable women who shaped my perspective profoundly.

First and foremost was my grandmother, who married my grandfather at the tender age of 14 and remained devoted to him until her final breath. Witnessing their enduring love and beautiful relationship instilled in me a deep desire for a similar connection in my own life.

My second inspiration came in the form of my mentor, Laura Doyle, the visionary and creator behind the Six Intimacy Skills. Her teachings not only empowered me to strengthen my own marriage but also equipped me with the tools to help other women transform their relationships. Laura understood the frustrations I faced when seeking advice to mend my marriage, which often centered on directing my husband on how to make me happy — an approach I had already exhausted to no avail.

What set Laura apart was her belief in empowering women with skills that were entirely within their control. Instead of relying on ineffective communication tactics or trying to change my husband, her approach focused on empowering me to create positive changes in my relationship independently — a revelation that filled me with hope and relief.

Through Laura’s guidance, I discovered that nurturing a fulfilling relationship doesn’t require bending someone else to your will but rather mastering skills that enhance intimacy, respect, and understanding. Her mentorship not only transformed my marriage but also ignited my passion for guiding other women toward happier, more connected relationships.

Is there any particular book or concept that helped you overcome a turning point in your marriage?

The foundation of my coaching philosophy, which I wholeheartedly recommend to all my clients, is “The Empowered Wife” by Laura Doyle. This transformative book introduces the Six Intimacy Skills, which form the foundation of my approach to helping women enhance their relationships.

“The Empowered Wife” resonates deeply with my clients for its blend of humor and relatability. Many women find themselves saying, “It’s like the author wrote this book specifically about me!” Doyle’s insights are not only insightful but also practical, offering actionable advice that women can implement immediately to see positive changes in their marriages.

Through Doyle’s teachings, women learn how to reclaim their sense of empowerment within their relationships by focusing on nurturing intimacy, fostering respect, and understanding the dynamics of partnership in a new light. Her approach shifts the focus from trying to change their partners to empowering women to create the loving and fulfilling relationships they desire.

I consistently witness the profound impact “The Empowered Wife” has on my clients, guiding them towards deeper connections and a renewed sense of joy in their marriages. It’s a book I wholeheartedly endorse for anyone looking to transform their relationship dynamics and cultivate lasting love and harmony.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

Divorce is a heartbreaking tragedy that fractures families and hearts. It is my heart-centered mission to empower as many women as possible, guiding them toward thriving and enduring marriages and families.

My focus is on empowering women who are committed to healing and transforming their marriages. I provide them with essential skills and unwavering support on their journey.

Through various platforms including my blog, a weekly newsletter brimming with practical tips, transformative workshops, and a cost-effective 6-week program, and coaching, I equip women with the tools they need to strengthen their relationships. Additionally, a portion of all profits is dedicated to supporting UNICEF, contributing to the well-being of children worldwide.

My commitment extends beyond immediate solutions; it is about building a foundation for long-lasting happiness and fulfillment in marriages, positively impacting individuals, families, and future generations.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I imagine if every couple expressed three things they were grateful for about their spouse every single day, there would be a lot more happy and fulfilling marriages.

The essence lies in understanding that directing someone else’s actions is controlling, whereas we have the power to lead by example, encourage, and see the best in others. By consciously choosing to embody gratitude, trust, and respect in our interactions, we set a positive tone in our relationships.

When one partner initiates a practice of expressing gratitude daily, it often sparks a reciprocal response from the other. Before long, this simple yet powerful gesture begins to permeate the relationship’s culture, fostering an environment of appreciation and mutual respect.

This shift isn’t just about words; it’s about cultivating a mindset of appreciation and acknowledgment for each other’s contributions and qualities. As couples embrace this practice, they cultivate a deeper connection and strengthen the foundation of their relationship.

By prioritizing gratitude and mutual respect, couples pave the way for enduring happiness and fulfillment in their marriages. It’s a small daily commitment that yields profound benefits for both partners, creating a ripple effect of positivity in their lives and beyond.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quotes”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Perhaps the biggest mistake I made in the past was that I believed love was about finding the right person. In reality, love is about becoming the right person. Don’t look for the person you want to spend your life with. Become the person you want to spend your life with.” — Neil Strauss

This quote summarizes my entire approach to relationships. For many years, I found myself scrutinizing the shortcomings of those around me, trapped in a mindset of victimhood and self-assuredness. It took awareness and introspection to realize that true wisdom requires humility and a willingness to grow.

Central to the success of any relationship is self-love — a commitment to nurturing oneself and evolving into the best version possible. Without self-love, individuals may succumb to pettiness and resist engaging in personal growth if they perceive their partner isn’t doing the same.

Self-love isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about making a dedicated effort to understand and enhance oneself. It involves acknowledging imperfections, embracing strengths, and continually striving for personal betterment. This journey fosters inner peace and resilience, enabling individuals to approach relationships with empathy, patience, and a genuine desire for mutual growth.

In my own evolution, I’ve learned that fostering self-love is pivotal not only for my well-being but also for cultivating healthier connections with others. It’s a continuous process of self-discovery and self-improvement that enriches every aspect of life, including our relationships.

As I encourage others to embark on their own journeys of self-love and growth, I emphasize the importance of personal accountability and the transformative power it holds in building fulfilling and lasting relationships.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)

I love encouraging women to embrace growth, learning, and creativity, as this is a great way to develop confidence. One individual who has profoundly influenced my appreciation for feminine flow, courage, and creativity is Brie Stoner. Her art, music, and philosophy have been a wellspring of inspiration for me over the years. I deeply admire her ability to navigate life’s darkest moments with grace, dignity, strength, and courage.

To have the opportunity to engage in a conversation with Brie about her journey through self-discovery would be a tremendous honor. Many of the women I support find themselves facing profound challenges, particularly when their marriages are in crisis. Understanding how to offer meaningful support during such times and helping them to thrive is an ongoing priority for me.

Brie’s influence has been pivotal in my personal journey of letting go of what I cannot control, overcoming fear, and embracing the richness of life’s experiences. Her example serves as a constant reminder of the power of resilience and the capacity we all possess to grow and thrive even in the face of confusing and scary times.

I am continuously inspired by Brie Stoner’s ability to blend creativity with profound personal insight, and I am committed to integrating these lessons into my work to empower women in their own paths of healing, growth, and self-discovery.

How can our readers follow your work online?

Readers can check out my blog at: https://www.coachlauraamador.com/blog

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__lauraamador/

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

Thank you, it’s been a pleasure!

About the Interviewer: At 79 years young, Nancy guides couples to transformative relationship skills, specializing in strategies for stepfamilies to succeed. Nancy brings her MA in Spiritual Psychology, personal experience and research proven strategies to guide couples to healthy communication skills and relationship happiness. Nancy has contributed to multiple media outlets including Huffington Post, Psych Central, and Woman’s Day magazine, to name a few. Nancy coaches in person, on Zoom, in her online courses at www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com , on “Relationship Rehab” TV and Talk and has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married & Love It!” and “Stepping TwoGether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy’s goal is to lower the divorce rate globally.