Valerie Smith of Sugar Maple Counseling and Ecotherapy On Strategies for Rebuilding Life After Trauma
An Interview With Nancy Landrum
We don’t have to allow our pasts or our losses to define us unless we choose to do so. Instead, we can harness those experiences to plant and harvest genuine depth, beauty, connection, and compassion in our lives. Our narratives can transform us into remarkable individuals rather than merely victims of circumstance, provided we are honest with ourselves. It’s essential to confront and process our pain rather than try to ignore it; otherwise, that pain tends to accumulate, leading to further distress and weakening our spirits and stopping self-actualization.
Trauma can arrive dressed in many different circumstances. You may be the victim of a criminal act. Your house may be destroyed by fire, flood or tornado. You may be fired from a job you loved. An illness or accident may change what you physically can do. Someone you dearly love may reject you or die. Even good things require us to explore a different version of who we are. We fall in love, marry, have a child, start a new career. No one gets through life without a trauma or two changing the trajectory of your future. At those junctures in life, we have to reimagine who we are now. What changes must I make in order to live the life I now have? Today I have the privilege of interviewing Valerie Smith, LCSW, CFTG.
Valerie Smith, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and CFTG (Certified Forest Therapy Guide), is the founder and owner of Sugar Maple Counseling and Ecotherapy, located in the Hudson Valley of New York. A summa cum laude graduate of the esteemed Fordham University, she is also certified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy, a highly effective, evidence-based approach to treating traumatic stress. Her areas of expertise include guiding individuals through overcoming complex trauma, the transitions of new motherhood, the profound grief of losing a parent at a young age, and the unique challenges faced by caregivers.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Please describe who you were before circumstances required you to change.
Yes, and thank you for the invitation!
I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Certified Forest Therapy Guide (CFTG) in the scenic Hudson Valley region of New York. I am primarily a remote-based psychotherapist, but I also run forest therapy sessions throughout the area, and gained my certification through the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy. Otherwise, I utilize EMDR to treat clients who are experiencing trauma and bereavement. I also work with caregivers and with new mothers.
But enough about my professional life. More about me at the core, my raw self: live with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), a condition that develops after prolonged exposure to repeated trauma, often in situations where escape isn’t an option. Unlike PTSD, which typically stems from a single traumatic event, CPTSD is rooted in long-term trauma, such as ongoing abuse or neglect. For me, growing up in an environment marked by addiction, violence, and emotional abuse like suicide threats meant there was no ‘before’ — no life prior to trauma. It was simply the reality I knew.
This is important to understand because, for many with CPTSD, the focus isn’t on what happened before the trauma. It’s about what comes after — when they finally find the space to heal and rebuild.
For me, that turning point came when I was 24. By then, I had moved away from my parents, lost my mother to complications from her addiction (and later my father to the same), and survived a toxic relationship where both my former partner and I were bad for each other — we both came too wounded. Yet once I left, it was the first time I experienced true safety and freedom. Finally, I could focus on myself instead of the people who kept me emotionally and spiritually captive.
I was already in college but had suffered from a series of disruptions due my circumstances. When I was finally able to dive into my studies with undivided attention, I chose social work. It felt like a tribute to the social workers who supported me through my darkest moments and a way to find meaning in everything I had survived.
Was the life change something you chose? Or was it thrust on you unexpectedly, as a surprise? Please explain in detail.
Things didn’t go as planned after I left my former partner. I experienced a period of homelessness — not on the streets, not that type of homelessness, but couch-surfing here and there, which made it difficult to move forward while living in poverty. I was also working a series of part-time jobs, but never enough to make rent. During that time, I was accepted into a college to study social work, but unfortunately, I ran into issues proving my residency and some other factors, which blocked me from securing the financial aid and grants I needed.
Eventually, my now-husband provided the stability I needed to rebuild. With his support, I was able to prioritize my studies and complete my degree at a different university. I earned my Bachelor of Social Work from Adelphi University and later my Master of Social Work from Fordham University, graduating summa cum laude from both. I can’t say my success was mine alone; finally having my basic needs met was essential to achieving my academic goals.
What were your initial feelings about this change in circumstances? Give a few examples.
While I was grateful for the change in my circumstances, it felt strange at first. Foreign. I had always yearned for order, yet only knew chaos. I was conditioned to live in a constant state of fight-or-flight, either reacting impulsively or feeling dissociated. So, when I finally experienced calm and stability, it felt unfamiliar. It took a lot of work in therapy to understand that it’s okay not to be on ‘high alert’ all the time and to allow myself to embrace peace and calm.
For example, I was accustomed to loud and turbulent environments — yelling, screaming, violence, threats, and the sound of police sirens. Transitioning to a space where conversations were calm and aimed for compromise and harmony, not power, was challenging. I knew it was the norm and what I had always wanted, but I found myself expecting the worst, as if I had been conditioned to anticipate pandemonium.
How long did it take to see how you could survive or thrive in your new circumstances?
I want to say three years or so, maybe slightly longer. It required dedicated effort on my part through learning to trust others, accept when my therapist challenged me meant it was to help me grow and not to rewire me, and ultimately accepting that I was worthy of love. When someone is a product of a dysfunctional family, that can be the most difficult thing to accept — that we are all worthy of love, when those people who were supposed to provide us that were unable to do so. Essentially, I needed to learn to parent myself.
What are five important choices you made that helped you adjust to the change in your life?
1. I completed my academics, formalized training and supervision, and licensure requirements to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW).
2. I married my best friend, who has always been my rock and source of strength. He saw qualities in me that I did not know I carried. He encouraged me to foster them with utmost care and watched me flourish, like a gardener cares for his flowers with tenderness.
3. I found my ultimate purpose is to serve others, and especially to raise a child who is ethical, loved, and adored. I have 15-month-old son, and he is the fire in my heart.
4. I worked toward the goal of having a happy life because I realized I deserved one just as much as anyone else.
5. Perhaps above all… I learned to love myself.
Have you been able to flourish in your new circumstances?
Yes! My husband and I are homeowners in a beautiful, quiet community on two acres of forest. We love it here. In the daytime, I am greeted by the sounds of birds, and at night, by the croaking of frogs.
Additionally, I am the owner and founder of a psychotherapy practice where I combine evidence-based therapies such as EMDR with complimentary arts such as forest therapy. I mostly work from home, but I also offer in-person, immersive experiences in the woods as an alternative pathway toward healing.
What do you like or value about the new you that has emerged as a result of these circumstances?
In reflecting on the “new me” which has emerged from my traumatic upbringing and having found the will to make changes, I find that my resilience and newfound strength stand out as the qualities I cherish most. Facing such profound challenges compelled me to confront my weaknesses and has helped me recognize and celebrate even the smallest achievements in life. This journey has deepened my empathy for others, allowing me to understand that everyone faces their own struggles. As a result, I feel more connected to those around me and am motivated to assist others in their healing processes.
Moreover, I’ve come to realize how crucial self-care and boundary-setting are, which has enabled me to put my own well-being first. My experiences have also sparked a strong desire to advocate for others and guide them through their trauma which is why I am now a psychotherapist. Ultimately, although the path has been tough, it has transformed me into a more compassionate, resilient, and purpose-driven person.
If some time has passed, have you found things about the original trauma for which you now feel gratitude?
I’ve gained a greater understanding of my own resilience and strength, which has instilled a greater confidence in my ability to navigate challenges. Additionally, my trauma has enhanced my empathy, allowing me to connect more authentically with others and support them in their own journeys.
Moreover, it has fueled my passion for helping others, inspiring me to pursue a career in therapy. This path has not only allowed me to contribute positively to the lives of others but has also been a source of healing for myself. Overall, while I wouldn’t wish the trauma on anyone, I recognize that it has shaped me into a more compassionate and purpose-driven individual.
What are the best outcomes that are a direct result of the personal growth that was forced from you as a result of this trauma? Describe.
The best outcome from all my experiences is the wisdom I gained as a result. I learned about myself and the strength of the human spirit through having endured, taking my post-traumatic stress into opportunities to evolve. I can share this much of my wisdom:
The reality is that no one has the power to imprison you or dictate your happiness. You are not bound by anyone’s actions or subjected to ongoing mistreatment. Our existence reflects the standards we are willing to accept. I firmly believe that we can emerge from the depths of our suffering — from profound grief, intense emotional turmoil, abuse and neglect, and indifference — not just to endure, but to flourish.
We don’t have to allow our pasts or our losses to define us unless we choose to do so. Instead, we can harness those experiences to plant and harvest genuine depth, beauty, connection, and compassion in our lives. Our narratives can transform us into remarkable individuals rather than merely victims of circumstance, provided we are honest with ourselves. It’s essential to confront and process our pain rather than try to ignore it; otherwise, that pain tends to accumulate, leading to further distress and weakening our spirits and stopping self-actualization.
Was any particular person, or book instrumental in helping you formulate who the new you could be following this trauma?
Although I am ultimately responsible for myself and my outcome, I deeply appreciate the unwavering support I’ve received from my husband and his family. Without their assistance, I can’t imagine where I would be today.
Most importantly, and above all, I must thank my son. He fills me with endless gratitude. He is my inspiration, my hope, and the very reason for all of this to have happened to and to make sense — so I can be the one to end the intergenerational trauma and let him have a life of stability and love. He motivates me to strive to be a better person every day.
Have there been opportunities to encourage or support others who are going through similar traumas? Please describe.
I can certainly share an example of how I create opportunities for others.
As I mentioned earlier, I faced the loss of both my parents due to complications related to addiction. When I was 22, my mother passed away from hepatic encephalopathy and cirrhosis, which ultimately progressed into septic shock after years of battling a war with vodka. Then, at 34, I lost my father to a rare form of adenocarcinoma that metastasized and led to severe neurological complications. During this time, I took on the role of caregiver and organizer, making all the end-of-life and funeral arrangements, driven by my sense of duty as their daughter and a desperate attempt for closure.
However, I never found the closure I was searching for. My mother exhibited dementia-like symptoms and didn’t fully comprehend my pain, while my father remained in denial about what had transpired when I was a child and adolescent. I longed for apologies that never materialized.
In all this turmoil, I again tried to make sense of it all. I grappled with countless questions about my formative years, the burdens I carried, and the deaths of parents at such a young age. I found myself overwhelmed with “why” without any clear answers.
After my parents passed, I noticed that there were bereavement groups for adults who lost a parent. However, there seemed to be none for the young adults who went through it. Losing a parent hurts at any age, but as a young adult it is a different kind of pain because it makes it hard for others to relate since they never went through it, and because it is on the cusp of dependence versus independence — you are not truly a child anymore, but you are still learning how to be an adult. Furthermore, it is a time of milestones in which society expects parents to be present — graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren, and so on. But I knew my experience was not unique and that there were other parentless young adults out there.
Thus, understanding that my experience wasn’t isolated, I established a virtual support group called Millennials in Mourning. This eight-week program provides a space for young adults to come together, share their experiences of loss, and work toward healing collectively. It is open to anyone across New York State, but I am in the process of getting it approved for other states as well.
Is there any particular person with whom you’d love to share a meal or a conversation about the lessons learned through trauma?
I would love to have a conversation with anyone who has experienced trauma and growth because I believe we all have unique and powerful stories to share. Each person’s journey offers valuable insights into resilience, healing, and the lessons learned along the way. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or someone I’ve just met, I find that these conversations can cultivate connection and understanding. Sharing our experiences can help break down barriers, inspire hope, and create a sense of community. It’s amazing how much we can learn from each other’s struggles and triumphs, no matter who we are.
I am so grateful you’ve been able to share this experience. It is truly inspiring!
Thank you for the opportunity!
About the Interviewer: Nancy Landrum, MA, Relationship Coach, has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married and Love it” and “Stepping Twogether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy has been coaching couples and stepfamilies with transformative communication skills for over thirty years. Nancy is an engaging interviewer and powerful speaker. Nancy has contributed to The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Authority, Medium, Yahoo, MSN, Psych Central, Thrive, Woman’s Day magazine, and more. Nancy is the Founder of the only one of its kind online relationship solution, www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com. Nancy coaches couples across the globe in person and via Zoom. Nancy’s passion is to guide couples and families to happy lasting marriages where children thrive and lovers love for life.
