Vivien Roggero On How To Listen Effectively To Succeed Personally And Professionally

An Interview With Doug Noll

Put aside personal opinions and emotions — this is important because if we let our emotions speak for ourselves, then we would not be able to connect to the other person and fully understand what he/she is trying to convey.

It’s hard to be a good listener. We are programmed to want to talk, and to share. It takes effort to stop and to listen. But anyone who has achieved great success will tell you that listening is such an important quality to have. What are some ways that influential people have learned to listen, to succeed both personally and professionally? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Vivien Roggero.

Vivien Roggero is an Executive Empowerment Coach, the Co-Founder of ICC: International Coaches Collective and Your Digital Self, and Vice-president of Information Technology Operations & Security at AyoConnect. Over the last decade, Vivien has led high-performing teams for Startups, Unicorns and Decacorns worldwide. After building a successful career as an executive, Vivien is now focused on empowering people to reach their true life through a freedom-centric approach to life.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I was born in France in the suburbs of Paris. My father left when I was 3 years old and he moved when I was around 5 to the US. I grew up with my mother and my second father, whom she married when I was around 6, in L’hay-les-roses, a city in the suburb of Paris known for its “calmness” and its roses park. I had a relatively standard childhood, between school, sports or even the challenges of growing up in a Parisian suburb. Let’s say, it was not always a walk in the park but by far it was safer than a lot of other places in the world.

I was an introverted child in many ways but also a non-conformist, being a martial artist and dancer at the same time. That made me bullied but also more open-minded and mentally stronger than most children of my age. As an anecdote, I was a daredevil since I was a child, and on my first day of kindergarten school, I escaped the school and was found several streets away.

Part of my childhood and the foundation of myself were closely related to my family, my father and grandmother on my father’s side had quite an impact. Both were travelers that have expatriated several times in their life at times when expatriation was a bigger challenge than nowadays. And brought back with them a different view of the world and its richness. At the same time on my mother’s side, they stayed mostly in the same area of Paris, never being far from each other. It made me an avid traveler and the expatriate I am today. I love learning about new places, new people, and new cultures, … It also made me quite a spiritual person, loving to understand better the different frameworks that we call religion, and made me more open to differences, as we are less different than we have in common.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

My favorite quote would be “FREEDOM IS THE ABILITY, CHOICE, AND PURSUIT OF consistently Doing THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FREE,” and this one is relevant to my life because at one point in my life, I lost everything at once. I lost my father, my job and my marriage. These happened all in the same year and I can say, it was one of the lowest points of my life. You know, when you are at the rock bottom, there is no other way but to stand up and to get the freedom you badly wish to have. This soul-searching, life-breaking period of my life led me to recreate my life and redefine my values and goals. This made me vow to dedicate my life to supporting people who are ready to change and build a better life for themselves, a life centered around freedom, joy and success.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

Well, it is so hard to choose one, but “Find Your Why” by Simon Sinek is one of my favorites. This book, along with another book entitled “Ikigai” helped me redefine who I was and why I was doing coaching. And I am doing this to help people so they don’t have to go through the same pains I have had to face. Also, I have to become a better person for my son, so he can grow into an even better person.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly does being a good listener mean?

The simple definition would be someone that not only hears but listens.

The more complete definition would be someone who not just listens to hear but to understand. Someone who is able to let go of their ego and subjectiveness to understand what the other person is telling them from that person’s point of view. So they can actually process and react to what the other person is telling them with a full comprehension and not just their subjective understanding of it.

That also means that a good listener needs to be active, not passive. They need to ensure their understanding is correct during the conversation and react appropriately. We can definitely say listening is a skill and being a good listener is something you can learn and train.

Why is effective listening such an important quality? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

Effective listening is such an important quality, especially for a leader, because it allows someone to understand the needs and concerns of others. It also builds trust and rapport with team members in an organization. Third, it avoids misunderstandings and it is effective in solving problems. With all these that I have mentioned, it creates an overall impact on the organization. Decision-making becomes better because the communication within the organization is effective.

The basis of being a good coach is to be a good listener. As such when training to be a coach, I learned to improve my own listening. But something unexpected happened; I started to notice how untrained leaders are on the topic of listening. Since then, I have developed programs to help leaders to learn how to listen and how to communicate, because there is no good communication without good listening and there are no successful companies without good communication. This program recently helped a new leader go from someone who was on the verge of losing his position, to a recognized leader in and outside his team. And let’s be honest, in our current world of remote working, there is no stronger tool to achieve your goals than efficient communication.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that hold someone back from being a good listener?

There are a handful of common barriers that holds someone back from being a good listener, and these include: prejudgements and biases, distractions or interruptions, being reactive instead of listening, focusing on personal opinions– you know, this is when someone listens not to understand but listens so they can make a reaction after the other person speaks. Other factors would be lack of focus in the conversation and overthinking. I think these main things contribute to being an ineffective listener.

What are some practical techniques that have helped you become a more effective listener?

The most fundamental and simple one, do not speak first. For example, when you are in a meeting with your team and you are trying to solve a problem, listen to everyone’s solution and opinions before speaking. But don’t listen just to listen, listen to understand their point of view and visions. And when you have finished, ask questions to confirm your understanding. Now is the time for you to speak, give your opinion and be open to what your team will say about it.

Learn to cultivate silence. We live in a busy world of notifications, of perceptual stimulation– with social media, Youtube, Netflix, and so on– and this makes us used to constant noise and interaction, flooding our brain with insane amounts of dopamine. This leads to silence and none-stimulation, making us feel uncomfortable. The truth is silence is good, it is the place where we think, the space we give to people to speak, the space we can actually listen to. So learn to cultivate your ability to stay silent. You could do that through meditation, but if you are not a meditation fan, you can simply try to have a dedicated time everyday where you live in complete silence.

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that listening effectively can help someone succeed personally and professionally? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.

1 . Active listening — this is when one entails paying proper attention to what the other person is saying without pre-emptively formulating an answer.

Here is a useful example for any leader in companies. During a team meeting, a coworker expresses a concern about a project. Rather than immediately dismissing their concern or offering a solution, you actively listen by asking follow-up questions to better understand their perspective. You paraphrase their concerns to ensure that you have correctly understood them, and you take the time to reflect on their input before responding. By demonstrating active listening, you show that you value their opinion and are open to constructive criticism, which can lead to better teamwork and more successful outcomes for the project.

2 . Show genuine interest and empathy — it is easy to spot someone who is not interested in a conversation and if someone is just pretending to listen, this is somehow disrespectful to the other person.

For example, you are having dinner with a friend, and you start to share about this important event that you will be leading, telling them your challenges and your goals. While you are doing this, they are just on their phones, replying to you with statements such as: “Oh nice”, “Really”, “I see”, and never looking you in the eyes. How would you feel? Unheard, disrespected, hurt, right? Because to show genuine interest and empathy, people need to be fully present and show care through the discussion.

3 . Put aside personal opinions and emotions — this is important because if we let our emotions speak for ourselves, then we would not be able to connect to the other person and fully understand what he/she is trying to convey.

An example of putting aside personal opinions and emotions is when having a difficult conversation with your partner. By actively listening to their perspective without allowing emotions to take over, you may be able to better understand where they are coming from and find a solution or compromise that works for both parties. This can be helpful in avoiding further conflict and maintaining a healthy relationship.

4 . Ask clarifying questions — this is also important because if there is something that you do not understand with what the other person is saying, it is good to always clarify in a respectful way. We should not jump into conclusions without clarification.

My wife and I know that we don’t always understand each other properly. We are two different people and this means we think differently. As such, we always use clarifying questions. These are the basis of our strong communication and healthy relationship. It recently saved us from an argument as I was expressing some things that I thought we should change, and she was starting to be angry, but then she stopped, and asked some probing questions, and we discovered that she was misunderstanding me, and I was misunderstanding her. We were actually saying the same thing but with different words.

5 . Reflective listening — we should always acknowledge, and even provide feedback to what the other person is saying. Reflective listening makes it possible for the other person to truly feel heard and understood.

Here’s an example of reflective listening: A friend is sharing with you about a difficult situation they’re going through at work. Instead of just nodding along, you take the time to ask clarifying questions and repeat back what they’ve said to you. You say something like, “I understand that you’re feeling really overwhelmed with the amount of work you have right now, and it’s causing you a lot of stress.” This shows that you are truly listening and trying to understand their perspective. It also gives your friend the opportunity to clarify or correct any misunderstandings, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful communication. By reflecting back what your friend is saying, you can help them feel heard and validated, which can go a long way in building trust and strengthening your relationship.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I would love to promote mental health as an integral part of the education system. Mental health is an essential component of overall health and well-being. When students are struggling with mental health issues, it can significantly impact their academic performance, relationships, and quality of life. Given the high prevalence of mental health problems among young people, it is essential to provide education and support in schools. This will also help them build a stronger mental health foundation for their adult life. And my secret wish on this is to raise the next generation to be more compassionate for others and more caring for themselves and others.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

Tony Robbins or Jay Shetty are both people I would love to have lunch with. Tony Robbins and Jay Shetty are successful figures in the personal development industry, and both have a lot of knowledge to share.

Tony Robbins has a lot to share about motivation, productivity, and peak performance, while Jay Shetty is more in the realm of spirituality, mindfulness, and personal growth. But both have been examples for me for years on how impactful one person can be to the world around them.

(Disclaimer: I am a certified Jay Shetty coach.)

How can our readers continue to follow your work online?

You can follow me online through my website vivienroggero.com where you can access my social media pages and blogs. I have over 70 articles for our readers and I publish about 2–3 new articles every week. The topics are all within the scope of my expertise which include articles for executives, for personal development, grief & loss, and divorce & relationships. Also, you can access my free Awareness Workbook through the website. This self-empowerment workbook is designed to help you understand your life and yourself better, so you can make decisions that will move you forward to a life of Freedom and Joy.

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!

About the Interviewer: Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA was born nearly blind, crippled with club feet, partially deaf, and left-handed. He overcame all of these obstacles to become a successful civil trial lawyer. In 2000, he abandoned his law practice to become a peacemaker. His calling is to serve humanity, and he executes his calling at many levels. He is an award-winning author, teacher, and trainer. He is a highly experienced mediator. Doug’s work carries him from international work to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts. Doug teaches his innovative de-escalation skill that calms any angry person in 90 seconds or less. With Laurel Kaufer, Doug founded Prison of Peace in 2009. The Prison of Peace project trains life and long terms incarcerated people to be powerful peacemakers and mediators. He has been deeply moved by inmates who have learned and applied deep, empathic listening skills, leadership skills, and problem-solving skills to reduce violence in their prison communities. Their dedication to learning, improving, and serving their communities motivates him to expand the principles of Prison of Peace so that every human wanting to learn the skills of peace may do so. Doug’s awards include California Lawyer Magazine Lawyer of the Year, Best Lawyers in America Lawyer of the Year, Purpose Prize Fellow, International Academy of Mediators Syd Leezak Award of Excellence, National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals Neutral of the Year. His four books have won a number of awards and commendations. Doug’s podcast, Listen With Leaders, is now accepting guests. Click on this link to learn more and apply.