Women In Wellness: Elizabeth Ashford of Beyond The Beez On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
Everyone is moving at their own pace, so don’t compare your progress to someone else’s. Just because X brand reached Y milestone doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong with your brand. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.
As a part of my series about women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Ashford.
Elizabeth Ashford is a certified sex educator and the founder of BEYOND THE BEEZ. BTBz is a sexual wellness platform for today, offering a range of sexual education content rooted in research, personal wellness products, and community events where we educate and empower our community to confidently uncover their true sexual selves.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
During my high school and college years, I experienced firsthand the harsh reality of sexual education. It neither explained real experiences, nor explored what our minds and bodies were going through at a formative and confusing stage of life. I wanted to create an empowering and fact-based resource as a way to challenge and change the status quo.
After graduating from Harvard with a psychology degree and serving on the college’s board of Sexual Health Education and Advocacy Throughout Harvard (SHEATH), I channeled my academic and personal interest into the launch of BTBz. Since the launch, I have also completed sexual education training at the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment (ISEE), and earned my certification in 2022.
At BEYOND THE BEEZ, we are continually working to scale and share knowledge with our community, and to elevate the sexual education and wellness experience for young people in the US and internationally.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
It’s important for people to understand that sex educators are learning too — and that while specific stories are juicy, the bigger issue is the overarching “storyline”. Many people have preconceived notions of a sexual educator or of sex positivity — often, they think of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, who was a sex columnist, or her friend Samantha Jones, who was very open about her sexuality. And while I love those characters, those are only two types of sexual personalities.
The reality is that sex positivity is not synonymous with promiscuity. It does not mean you are exempt from painful sexual experiences. It does not mean all your sexual experiences are great or memorable. It does not mean you will want sex 24/7.
It’s about forging a healthy and personal relationship with sex, in a way that serves you best. What is right for me is going to be different from what is right for anyone else on this planet.
Sex positivity challenges the shame some people feel around their sexual identities and helps people to feel confident in expressing themselves. For Beyond the Beez, it isn’t about being super sexually confident or highly sexually active. We see sex positivity as a willingness to experience something new and express your sexual self as an important part of your overall identity.
In short, your sex life is no different from the rest of your life; there are inevitable ups and downs. Therefore, sexual education is meant to give you both the tools you might rely on as you navigate those changes and a sense of empowerment to know that you deserve a sex life that you love.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
It might sound cliché, but the biggest mistake I have made is letting the fear of how others perceive me hold me back. The first two years of working on this start-up brought a plethora of imposter syndrome and anxiety.
For example, each time I posted to Instagram there was a tightness in my chest. Or if I reached a milestone in the company, I wouldn’t always repost it on my own personal social media. I didn’t want to promote myself or my business too much and I certainly didn’t want to get made fun of for it.
But… what a waste! It is a waste of time to not be a support system for yourself. I am now working every day to focus on the positives, such as the people that I am helping, versus the ones who don’t understand either me, my work, or this field.
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
BEYOND THE BEEZ aims to normalize the conversation around sexual health and self-discovery, curating a welcoming community where everyone feels like they belong. We offer factually-accurate sexual education, health and wellness content, vetted products, and events to help you connect with your sexual self and define your own pleasure free of judgment and shame.
We’re saying good-bye to the days of ill-equipped authority figures delivering poor and confusing sexual education to young people. Instead, we’re here to answer questions, clarify confusion and explain experiences — directly from peers who get it, and who talk the way our community does.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
1. Masturbation: Get in touch with yourself — literally! It’s empowering to engage in a pleasure-enhancing practice and to remember that you don’t need a partner to experience your sensual side.
2. Discover your sexual self. Journal about your interests, rather than shutting them down. Sexual fantasies are a great way to connect with your inner feelings, if you only pay attention to them. Take the time to listen to what your body and brain are telling you when you fantasize about a certain person or scenario.
3. Find trusted sources for communication; a therapist, a partner, a sibling, or best friend are all great places to start.
4. Vouch for your pleasure, especially if you’re a woman. The orgasm gap is ever-present — cisgender men orgasm about 94% of the time, while their cisgender female counterparts only orgasm about 57% of the time. However, no matter your gender or sexual orientation, remember that your experience should be EQUAL to that of your partner’s. Speak up for what makes you feel good, and do it with confidence because you deserve it.
5. Develop a practice that brings you into your body every day, whether that be working out, stretching for five minutes, breathwork, meditation, or something else. Even taking a quick walk to pick up an afternoon iced coffee could be you-time.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
You already know what I am going to say…. Sexual education! Here are five reasons why.
1. Com comprehensive sex education lowers unexpected pregnancy rates: Of the 35 most developed countries in the world, the U.S. has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates — and experts directly correlate that to inadequate sexual education.
2. Abstinence-only sex education doesn’t stop sexual activity: People who take abstinence vows are more likely to have anal and oral sex than those who don’t, and over 80% of people who take such vows have given up their vow by their 20s.
3. Inclusive sex education can be affirming for LGBTQ+ people: Researchers have found that some LGBTQ+ people who come from purity culture have comparable levels of PTSD to those coming out of war, and they experience higher rates of suicidal ideation than their peers. There’s a lot of work to be done to make sure that sex education also talks about a range of sexualities and gender differences. One way to start is to acknowledge that sex and intimacy are about way more than penis-in-vagina penetrative sex.
4. Proactive sex education stops slut-shaming culture: Abstinence-only sex education often encourages slut-shaming, as it teaches girls that they have to say “no” to “sex-hungry” boys. But what happens if girls who say “yes” do so because they feel like they have to? And what happens when they internalize the shame they’ve been taught to feel? Boys don’t win out here, either: The stigmas that abstinence teaches them paints them as villains, and they’re often left feeling inadequate if they don’t crave sex 24/7. Young people of all genders deserve better.
5. Inclusive sex education fights toxic masculinity: Sexual conversations that center men are often discussed in what journalist Peggy Orenstein described as “flippant or boastful terms,” focusing on performance and power. Men are therefore pressured to showcase their masculinity, and that leaves little room for questions, exploration, and individuality.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
1. Everyone is moving at their own pace, so don’t compare your progress to someone else’s. Just because X brand reached Y milestone doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong with your brand. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.
2. Find two or three mentors and set up weekly or monthly chats with them. It can really help create a schedule for you and hold you accountable to your goals.
3. You have to love what you are doing and be comfortable not knowing when all the work you are putting in will pay off. Instead, just remember that hard work does always pay off, in one way or another.
4. Read every day. Even committing to eight pages a day results in around 3,000 by the end of the year! Pick books that focus on your industry or the startup world, you’ll be shocked at how much you learn,
5. While we are on the topic of advice…don’t listen to too much advice. Listen to your gut first. There is no better compass.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health, and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Mental health is the dearest to me. In the world of sex, it’s rare to encounter someone who hasn’t experienced shame. Shame is one of the lowest-vibration emotions we can experience. It disconnects us from others and ourselves. Education, communication, community and more are some of the best solutions to move forward, and that’s what we are dedicating ourselves to at BTBz.
What is the best way for our readers to further follow your work online?
Check us out at www.beyondthebeez.com, and follow us on Instagram at @BeyondTheBeez!
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
