Women In Wellness: Julia Bendis On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
An Interview With Kristen Shea
Listen to your gut and intuition more, we all have it but ignore it.
As a part of my series about women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Julia Bendis.
Julia Bendis is a matchmaker, author, mother and relationship educator who specializes in sex, intimacy, dating and relationship coaching. She recently published a comedic book called: ‘No Smiling Allowed: Growing up in Soviet Russia and other funny stories from a Jewish immigrant’.
She decided to start her matchmaking and coaching business after matching people as a hobby her entire life. Food, intimacy and human connections are the most important aspects of life and why Julia spends her life educating people about love, sex and how to date properly… but before the matching can begin, she focuses on wellness and getting individuals emotionally ready for that journey.When she isn’t working (which seems to be all the time) she is meddling into her sons’ love lives, cooking for loved ones and helping those in need.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
I would love to! As an immigrant, I have always been incredibly aware of the generational struggle that all immigrants carry with them, some for their entire lives. Most of us never fully heal from the emotional trauma that is sustained during the process of fleeing one’s country. My family was no different, we left everything and everyone behind to escape persecution and for hope of a better life. Because of that reason I have been on a path to help people: whether it’s just lending an ear or guiding people through life’s struggles, but one thing was always constant — even from a young age I wanted to know if they are single and how their sex life is! Food, sex and emotional well-being are one of the most important aspects of human life, and why I started my practice. I wanted to be able to help more people and spread the message of hope and healing. No matter where you come from or how difficult your past may have been, there is always hope and there is always a way to heal from your past. When people come to me for dating support or matchmaking, we first start with their mental health and prepare them emotionally before any kind of dating can take place.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
Oh I have so many stories, in fact I’ve been writing them down in the hopes of one day publishing them all. I think the one that always stays with me is from the meeting I had with a man who was still deeply in love with his ex. They had broken up for various reasons, one being him not being able to commit to marriage. They had been dating for close to five years and she got tired of waiting… Even though many months had passed since they broke up, he was still very much in love with her and it was clear that he was in no shape to be meeting new people or dating. I declined to take him on as a client and instead told him we need to figure out why he was so afraid of committing, and then go get her back. He actually bought a ring, proposed and they’ve been together ever since. That was about ten years ago.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
There are so many mistakes people make when first starting out, but that’s what helps you and your business grow. I truly believe that without those lessons you will not grow as an individual or as a business. One of the biggest mistakes I made (and I wish someone was there to tell me) was to hire so-called marketing, sales and other ‘experts’. That was not only a waste of money but time as well. Just as I tell my clients to listen to their intuition when dating, the only person that knows what’s right for your brand and your business is you! Nobody else will know that. We all need to stop relying on someone else to create things for us and trust ourselves more. I ended up learning a lot from it and became a pro at Gorilla style marketing as it came to my business. It basically means taking charge and promoting yourself in whatever style and means necessary. Legally of course!
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
Well, between my day job and my non-profit work I would like to think that I’ve been able to help people see things in a different way, rely on their intuition and learn to love themselves. A lot of times we question who we are and what we are doing and whether we are doing the right things, but all it takes is to see a difference we made in one person’s life to realize how needed we are. We are all here for a reason, I truly wish more people realized that.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
The biggest thing I tell people is be positive, yes I know it’s such a cliché but it’s true. What you put out there, comes back to you. Life is truly like a Boomerang, what you put out there is what comes right back at you. If you are not positive or not ready to date, what is the point of being on dating apps, right? If you are just going to criticize every single person that you meet (professionally or personally), you will never have a truly fulfilling life. And will stay single or unhappy in your job, career, etc. Positive breeds more positive!
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Spreading positivity and support for one another, especially with women. Too many times women are competing with each other instead of supporting one another.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
- Stop taking advice from everyone! Only you know what’s right for yourself and your business
- Listen to your gut and intuition more, we all have it but ignore it.
- Pay attention to the red flags, they are always there.
- You definitely do NOT need to ‘spend money to make money’. That’s a very old-fashioned and wrong advice that people should forget.
- Take it slow, don’t rush the process: you can’t see results right away and you shouldn’t because it takes time to build things the right way. (it took well over a year before I saw any kind of results in my business)
Sustainability, veganism, mental health, and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Definitely mental health and environment! I wish more people paid attention more to their mental health and talked about it. Although I don’t eat pork or red meat, I do love fish and chicken once in a while. I am an Eastern European — we cook a lot!
What is the best way for our readers to further follow your work online?
My website has a wealth of information compiled over twenty years, my Youtube channel and social media as well. Linktree.com/Juliabendis has all the links and matchbyjulia.com
Thank you for these fantastic insights! We wish you continued success and good health.
