Women In Wellness: Melissa Bennett-Heinz On Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing

An Interview With Wanda Malhotra

Wanda Malhotra
Authority Magazine
Published in
10 min readJun 4, 2024

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Learn to love yourself and in loving yourself be kind, gentle, and be your best friend. Until you can do this, you cannot accept love, kindness, or gentleness from anyone else.

Today, more than ever, wellness is at the forefront of societal discussions. From mental health to physical well-being, women are making significant strides in bringing about change, introducing innovative solutions, and setting new standards. Despite facing unique challenges, they break barriers, inspire communities, and are reshaping the very definition of health and wellness. In this series called women in wellness we are talking to women doctors, nurses, nutritionists, therapists, fitness trainers, researchers, health experts, coaches, and other wellness professionals to share their stories and insights. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Melissa Bennett-Heinz, LCSW, LICSW.

Melissa Bennett-Heinz obtained her master’s degree in clinical social work from Columbia University (Class of 2002) and is a graduate of Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy in New York City, NY (Class of 2011). She is a licensed clinical social worker and certified Gestalt Psychotherapist in private practice in the states of New York, Texas, Washington and North Carolina and has over 20 years of specialized training and experience in the treatment of addiction, PTSD, sexual trauma, childhood abuse, chronic mental illness, and mood and anxiety disorders. In her practice today, Melissa specializes in treating adult men and women, C-Suite executives and other high achieving people who appear to be fine on the outside, doing well even, but underneath are secretly miserable, struggle with perfectionism, codependency, and putting themselves first.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?

I grew up in a family of classical musicians, the youngest of four kids. I attended the Manhattan School of Music in New York City, with the goal of winning a principal oboe position with a symphony orchestra. Just prior to my college graduation, my mother passed away suddenly. A year later, while pursuing my graduate degree at MSM, I lost a dear loved one to suicide, and my father died a short time later. I had struggled for many years with episodes of depression and anxiety, feeling quite isolated, and I carried a sense of deep shame. Just before the death of my mom, I began seeing a therapist for the first time. Over a period of 10 years, I tried working with several therapists with varied expertise and theoretical approaches (psychodynamic, CBT, DBT, eclectic), but they never seemed to help much. I wasn’t happier. Life wasn’t easier. I felt disconnected, lost, lonely, and filled with shame. I went through more than a decade of therapy and not much changed in my life. It was when I discovered Gestalt therapy that things shifted. I had completed graduate school and was working at my first job as a therapist in community mental health. My clinical supervisor at that time lead me to Gestalt as it was through her eyes that she saw in me what turned out to be a beautiful fit for this particular type of therapy.

Alongside my love of music, helping others and being of service had been lifelong interests, so I pursued a second master’s degree in social work from Columbia University. Yet it wasn’t until I completed graduate school that I was introduced to the Gestalt method by my first clinical supervisor, who used the approach to guide the way she lived her life and our work together. That’s when I consider Gestalt Psychotherapy to have found me. I went on to complete the clinical fellowship program and certification at Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy in New York.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?

One interesting experience I had since beginning my career was getting sick with a cancer scare. It started with a fever and the symptoms compiled from there, I couldn’t get out of bed, I had no appetite, and I was in excruciating pain for a couple of months. I received negligent care from doctors and hospitals and had to do my research on my symptoms, schedule my tests, and eventually had to search for an oncologist on my own. After a battery of tests and a major surgery that had several potential life-altering consequences, I found out I was not facing cancer. This experience terrified me on so many levels. One, I was afraid to NOT to be working as I knew I would not be able to support my family for long lying in bed. Next, I had not been prepared well for taking care of this part of my life and quite honestly, had avoided looking at it as I didn’t know any other way. I was in fear of ultimately losing my business and home. When I was well enough to sit up and work for a few hours, I felt resentful that I had to work and fake that I was well enough to do so. Thirdly, this sacrifice I was making of my own needs to attend to my practice and patients was not appreciated. You know that saying, “No good deed goes unpunished? Well, this was yet another example of this being true. I knew something had to change. After I recovered from surgery and gained my strength back, I was inspired, rejuvenated, and ready to put my needs first and foremost, every single day. I learned how to attach a monetary value to my services that were what I needed to live and sustain my lifestyle. I learned to separate my own learned narrative about success, worth, and value from my business practices and began to get very clear and set different boundaries from what I had been taught from my family of origin, but also society, culture, and my profession. I began to think of my business as a living thing that has needs and since I am not only at the helm, but I am the business and brand, I have to be well taken care of so that I can continue and thrive. In doing all of this, I am more satisfied in the work I do, and more fulfilled in every aspect of my life, and the understanding that my needs must come first has only been reinforced as I continue to heal, rejuvenate, and become expansive. I do now show up feeling resentful any longer. No day is wasted, and no amount of health and time is taken for granted. I work hard but not to the detriment of my existence. I also play and rest every single day. I take breaks and time off. In turn, my work as a psychotherapist is more grounded, present, centered, and focused

It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I laugh as I recall a memory from over ten years ago when I learned about the “reply all” button in email. At that time, I was working in the health insurance side of healthcare. I was responding to a corporate email that came from a higher up at a very poorly managed company, morale at this company was at an all-time low where the environment was quite toxic. The email was stating how much the company cared about their employees, or something to that effect, and it was so obvious to most who employees were taken advantage of and mistreated. Well, I hit “Reply All” when I was trying to forward it to a friend so we could “rant” and commiserate. Well, you can imagine how that turned out! Luckily, it was not a too hard of a lesson as I didn’t say anything too awful, just used some sarcasm, so the consequences weren’t all that grave. I am now super careful every single time I get an email that is addressed to multiple people. I was really quite embarrassed and am so grateful it wasn’t worse than it could have been.

Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?

As a therapist, I work with either one person at a time, or a small group of individuals at once. I am limited being one person doing this type or micro-healing work. I accepted long ago that as one person, I am not going to singlehandedly make a huge impact in the enormous world we live in. However, the impact of the work I do with individuals helps change the way people work, parent, and love. It is a ripple effect that the work of a psychotherapist has on making a bigger impact. A professor I had in graduate school drilled into me that my job is to plant seeds and we might not ever see them bloom, but the hope is they do.

Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing?

1. Practice Mindfulness by learning to be present in the moment without judgment. Forget about yesterday, it is gone. Don’t live in tomorrow, it is not here yet.

2. Learn to love yourself and in loving yourself be kind, gentle, and be your best friend. Until you can do this, you cannot accept love, kindness, or gentleness from anyone else.

3. Prioritize putting your needs first before you put others needs. If you are not well taken care for, you will not have the full capacity to care for anyone else.

4. Learn to set healthy boundaries and say no. Setting boundaries is the greatest gift you give to someone else and the world.

5. Be willing to be authentic and vulnerable, show up with your whole heart in work, play, and relationships.

If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I would like to inspire a movement of courage and bravery in relationships to one another in the world, a place designed to build connection between people. I myself felt lonely and isolated for too many years, stuck in my own fear, isolation, and shame. I hear so many of my patient’s express feelings of loneliness and isolation and I wish I could introduce my patients to each other. What is missing and what has been accentuated with what technology has brought to our lives is connection. We have lost the ability to be present with each other. From sharing such a space or being with another person emerges the possibility of empathy, understanding, and connection — the opposite of loneliness and isolation. In this space, people would take the time to hear another’s story, see another human’s eyes, take in body language and notice facial gestures, and stay present in the moment, together. From experiences and connection such as these, people would begin to imagine and remember that while we each have different stories, we experience similar feelings, and, as a result, we would potentially diminish feelings of loneliness and isolation. We would return to a place of togetherness, a sense of community, a feeling that we are not alone, but rather, there is solidarity and unity.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?

Great question! First, prioritize getting your finances in order that align with putting your needs first both today and planning for the future. Second, you don’t have to sell yourself short — charge the fees in your business that you need to be earning to live the life you want to live. Third, you cannot take care of or give to anyone else what you don’t have to give. This is the oxygen mask premise — we must be breathing to care for the person next to us. Fourth, this is a long game and to play it well, you need to have patience, persistence, and fortitude. Five, you are not alone and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Sustainability, veganism, mental health, and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?

While these are all important topics, the one nearest and dearest to me is mental health. If we are not mentally healthy, everything we do and everyone who is in our life will be impacted negatively. There is absolutely no shame in attending to mental health care which means long term, every day dedication to the relationship we have with ourselves. Attending to mental health care means we will be taking better care of our physical bodies as well. When we are anxious or depressed, life is just getting through and surviving from one moment to the next. This impacts our physical well -being, energy, and vitality. All our relationships suffer. It is not selfish to focus on yourself, it is selfish not to.

What is the best way for our readers to further follow your work online?

I would be delighted for everyone to visit my website at www.melissabennettheinz.com. I regularly update it with a new blog post that I would love for you to read. I also have a LINKEDIN profile at https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-bennett-heinz-149807a/

Thank you for these fantastic insights! We wish you continued success and good health.

About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com .

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Authority Magazine
Authority Magazine

Published in Authority Magazine

In-depth Interviews with Authorities in Business, Pop Culture, Wellness, Social Impact, and Tech. We use interviews to draw out stories that are both empowering and actionable.

Wanda Malhotra
Wanda Malhotra

Written by Wanda Malhotra

Wellness Entrepreneur, Lifestyle Journalist, and CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living.

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