Women Of The C-Suite: Emmy Hernandez of ‘Duality of Athena’ On The Five Things You Need To Succeed As A Senior Executive
An Interview With Ming Zhao
… I have ADHD and it’s my superpower. In the last 2 years, I found out that I have ADHD. Up until then, I just thought I was always hyperactive and my anxiety was “normal.” I use meditation and breathing techniques to calm my nervous system. I truly believe that my ADHD is my superpower and I’m so happy I have it.
As a part of our interview series called “Women Of The C-Suite” , we had the pleasure of interviewing Emmy Hernandez.
Emmy Hernandez is an executive-level love and relationship coach, international speaker, workshop facilitator, and author. She is the founder and CEO of Duality of Athena. Emmy works with women and couples who are committed to co-create an epic, passionate and fulfilling romantic partnership.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
I’m a first-generation Mexican American. I’m the first person in my family to graduate from elementary school and I was one of the lucky ones that got a full ride scholarship to go to college and get out of the streets of LA. Growing up, I had no idea we were broke, everyone on our block seemed to struggle just as much as our family did, but we always had a roof over our heads and delicious Mexican food in our bellies. Oh, and did I mention we had lots of parties?! Boy did we use any excuse to throw a celebration: birthday parties, baby showers, weddings and “just because.” I am so grateful for my upbringing. My parents instilled in me the importance of a strong work ethic at a very young age and it has served me well on my journey to being a successful CEO.
After I graduated from UC Berkeley, I was very blessed to land jobs at places like Caterpillar Inc, doing marketing and years later I was recruited by UC Berkeley to run an entrepreneurship program for different universities around the world. I eventually became an author, an international speaker and well-known tech executive in my space. I was traveling the world and getting to meet interesting people.
There was just one tiny problem…My love life. My love life or rather, the lack thereof was starting to wear on me. Here I was, a successful executive in Silicon Valley and I couldn’t find a healthy, high-quality man to start a relationship with at 30 years old. I went on my own personal and spiritual journey to find what my heart yearned for and I am now happily married AND running my company. Many women started reaching out to me privately after I found my partner, asking me how they could do the same. I realized that there were so many women that were struggling with the same things I struggled with and I decided to answer the market’s needs by launching my company: Duality of Athena, a company dedicated to helping women have the Romantic Partnership that they’ve always dreamed of.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company?
I have many, but I’ll share that I helped a husband and wife real estate power couple go from the brink of divorce to more madly in love with each other than ever before thanks to implementing my strategies. Their business and their sex life is now booming thanks to the advanced principles that I teach my couples about communication.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I booked a flight to the city that I was already in! HA! I was trying to do everything at once without slowing down. I learned that when it comes to clicking “Submit”, “Buy” or “Send” buttons on VERY important documents, I have my team double check what I’m agreeing to before I get myself or anyone else in trouble on accident!
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I’ve had so many people believe in me way before I believed in myself. I will forever be grateful to them. One is Andre Marquis. Andre gave me my first “big break” as project manager at UC Berkeley for a pretty major project. He knew I had potential and he helped me upgrade my skill set to match my energy and enthusiasm. Another person that had a major impact on my life was Jamie Adamchuck. Jamie was my coach for 2 years when I was first launching my Love and Relationship coaching program. He taught me the correct way to do sales that matched my audience, the art of coaching and how to build solid business infrastructure. He taught me how to be a true CEO instead of just an entrepreneur.
As you know, the United States is facing a very important self-reckoning about race, diversity, equality and inclusion. This may be obvious to you, but it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you articulate to our readers a few reasons why it is so important for a business or organization to have a diverse executive team?
Statistics speak higher than any moral standing. Women are, for the first time in history, graduating in higher numbers from university than men. Women are becoming the sole decision makers for purchasing power in the U.S. The U.S. Hispanic population is the #1 consumer market in the nation with a massive family values following. The ‘elder millennials’ like myself are also understanding the power of hiring experts in social platforms. I hire Gen Z to promote and educate my team on Tik Tok and Instagram instead of “so-called” expert consulting firms.
The main business reason for having an executive team is because you can iterate and adapt to customer needs much faster if your team is also part of your client base. One phrase: “Adapt or Die.”
Don’t believe me? Where are Blockbuster and Kodak?
As a business leader, can you please share a few steps we must take to truly create an inclusive, representative, and equitable society? Kindly share a story or example for each.
As a business owner I make sure that my audience knows that I am an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. I personally represent the proud and growing Hispanic population. I even decided to not change my last name to my husband’s so that I maintain not only my autonomy around my identity, but also my heritage. I consciously look for high-level women experts in all fields that are doing amazing things and either hire them or refer them business to my network.
What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a CEO or executive. Can you explain what you mean?
One of the myths is that you have to be working 24/7. The truth that will create the best level CEOs is that boundaries are your best friend. Having set work hours plus designated family time and vacation time are what will make a key difference in your business success, and not to mention a happy mental and physical life.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women executives that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
Pregnancy. Childbirth. Hormones.
We, as women, are absolutely magnificent creatures. I wouldn’t want to be anything other than who I am. I also understand that traditional workplaces were not designed for the lactating mother, or a mother of a newborn or a mom experiencing IVF symptoms and fatigue because she’s trying to conceive. How about the women with PCOS and have massive pain every time she has her period?
These are all things that affect women in general and the more we pretend these things don’t exist, the more women suffer in the workplace.
What is the most striking difference between your actual job and how you thought the job would be?
None because I’ve designed the role to be EXACTLY what I want it to be. I am the CEO of my life, not just this business.
Is everyone cut out to be an executive? In your opinion, which specific traits increase the likelihood that a person will be a successful executive and what type of person should avoid aspiring to be an executive? Can you explain what you mean?
Not everyone wants to be an executive. All roles are necessary and important, including the amazing cleaning lady that cleans my home office weekly. She’s a life saver!
Traits that will increase the likelihood that a person will be successful as an executive are the following: great at holding themselves accountable (even for their team’s mistakes), extremely resourceful (when there’s a will, there’s a way), puts their personal and employee’s mental and physical health above the company’s short term profits, and willingness to train their team with patience and kindness.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why? (Please share a story or example for each.)
- Men are not my enemy. I spent most of my life protecting myself from men because they only wanted “one thing” from me and yet, I yearned to be in a relationship with a man. I created so many fights in romantic AND business relationships due to not being able, in my past, to request my needs directly and instead have everyone guess. I don’t make anyone guess anymore. I’m happier than ever and have amazing relationships with male clients, vendors, siblings and most importantly, my husband.
- My parents are not always right. As a “good Catholic girl,” I was taught that obeying my parents was the best way to live life. I sought their approval and validation even at the risk of my own self-esteem. Once I realized that I only needed to follow my own path and created healthy boundaries with my parents, I started excelling with my finances and in other relationships.
- Not everyone is supposed to like you. Oh boy, was this a tough one! I had to discern the difference between constructive feedback and those that were just bullies. This is still taken on a case by case basis, but at least now I know who I am and no one can attack my self esteem.
- I have ADHD and it’s my superpower. In the last 2 years, I found out that I have ADHD. Up until then, I just thought I was always hyperactive and my anxiety was “normal.” I use meditation and breathing techniques to calm my nervous system. I truly believe that my ADHD is my superpower and I’m so happy I have it.
- My depression was not a sign of weakness, but a time for awakening. I had a few moments in my life where I fell into a deep depression and I thought I was just a “loser.” I am happy that I found personal development seminars and a spiritual practice that fit into my views of the world. I still have moments of sadness, but no longer experience clinical depression the way I did. I know now that there was nothing “wrong with me.” I just needed to uplevel my mindset and my self-care practices.
I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?
Beauty is something that is inherent in the female form. I welcome every woman showing up how she feels the most beautiful. When I am running in-person or virtual training for many people, I like to dress up and do my hair and makeup, but on a day to day basis with client calls, I sometimes wear makeup and sometimes I don’t. I do insist on proper hygiene in-person (men and women). I love my mascara and my lipstick and my voluminous curls. I will keep showing up in my version of beauty and I encourage all women to show up in theirs.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
A love revolution. I want to show women how to ONLY be treated with kindness, respect and do the same with their partners. It makes me sad to see how many couples fight and are unkind to each other for such petty things because one or both parties are too stubborn to be vulnerable. The “power dynamic” destroys relationships and I’m on a mission to help millions of women get out of toxic, abusive relationships and get into relationships that feel like true magic.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them
These women have made a significant impact and changes in society, in their careers, and hold many accomplishments. They are powerful, yet humble women who have instilled values in me that I live by such as: be fearless, to know your worth, to advocacy for others, speaking up is always worth it, sacrifice and perseverance creates opportunities, to pour into others especially those who look like you, success is a result of hard work, there is no room for self-doubt, focus on what you can control and be grateful, “You can’t be what you can’t see.”
My pick would be the following:
Brene Brown, Serena Williams, Sheryl Sandberg, Michelle Obama, Shonda Rhimes, Forbes Riley, Camille Vasquez, Rachel Rodgers, Gabrielle Bernstein, Cristela Alonzo, Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Malala Yousafzai, Marissa Mayer, Simone Biles, and Melinda Gates
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
