Workplace Conflict Resolution: Birthe Nohrden Of TeamTalks On How Team Leaders Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts

An Interview With Eric Pines

Self Awareness

Increase your own and your team’s self-awareness as this will lead to a more emotionally mature workplace culture. Once I understand what triggers me, I can choose my response instead of reacting and regretting it later.

An important component of leadership is conflict resolution. Why is conflict resolution so important? How can leaders effectively incorporate conflict resolution into their work culture? In this interview series called “Workplace Conflict Resolution: How Team Leaders Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts,” we are talking to business leaders who can share insights and anecdotes from their experience about how to implement Conflict Resolution at work. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Birthe Nohrden.

Growing up on a farm in a traditional German village where everybody knew each other’s business Birthe Nohrden recognised early — the more you try to make your family look perfect from the outside the more imperfect it will be on the inside. Today she lives in Sydney and is a thought leader when it comes to dialing up the human factor at work. With expertise as an innovative learning designer, she has become a sought-after speaker and facilitator, specializing in leadership, productivity, workplace wellbeing, and personal development.

In 2022, her Sydney based company TeamTalks Pty Ltd achieved a significant milestone by winning a seat in the prestigious EY Foundry Start Up Accelerator Program in APAC.

Leveraging a unique combination of technology and human-centered design, Birthe’s company has successfully created an innovative employee experience that fosters the sense of belonging among hybrid teams, resulting in increased collaboration, employee engagement and the wellbeing of people and business. She coins this state as achieving Teamship.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

I remember being 5 years old playing along in my pre-school in Germany, when my friend Katrin came over to ask me. “Birthe, can you help me? This boy is mean to me.” I went over to talk to the boy, told him off and gave a warning that if he was to continue there would be consequences. Then I would talk to Katrin and tell her what to do the next time the boy would pick on her. By the way — I was and still am mostly the shortest person in the room.

So, I guess from a young age my superpower was to navigate the human factor. I got fulfillment form helping others to help themselves.

Subsequently my career took me down the HR, Recruitment and Learning & Development path.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

It was 2007 in Germany. I had just been promoted to my first managerial role as Branch Manager for a large international recruitment firm. Until I started TeamTalks Pty Ltd this role had been the most challenging in my life. The branch’s numbers were in deep red, it was a 100% new team of five including myself, we started with no client network, no trust, no income.

Now, I am a person who thrives under pressure. I see what needs to get done, set the target and I get to work. As a first-time manager I thought that everyone would think, and act like me. However, I quickly noticed that I was wrong. I got particularly frustrated with one employee who only seemed to do the bare minimum and surfed the internet after he had completed the officially required 40 cold calls. However, his equivalent colleague would either keep calling clients or took initiative to drive out and try face-to-face visits to potential clients.

Naturally curious I asked him my favourite management question “Help me understand — why…” It turned out that he hasn’t been trained to think for himself. After 10 years in the army his default was “I do as I am told.” He has had no bad intent, he wasn’t lazy. He just hadn’t acquired the awareness and confidence to use his own ideas to look ahead, be innovative and try different solutions.

Once I understood what he needed from me I started managing him more closely and with more guidance. Over time he became an asset to the team. Within a year our branch became the best performing in the region.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr? It has guided my energy management since I can remember.

“Dear God, please give me the serenity to accept things I can’t change.

Give me the courage to change things I can.

And give me the wisdom to know the one from the other.”

I think I intrinsically understood very early on that when it comes to the human factor — I couldn’t change people. But what was in my control was to help them see my point of view, to be curious to understand theirs and to have the courage to tell them how they made me feel and what my expectations and boundaries were.

I grew up in a household with very strong characters. Dad was stubborn, Mum was proud, I was the youngest of four, we had little money, and our little village closely monitored each other. A perfect storm for constant conflict. Using the serenity prayer has been my energy management tool to let go of the things that were outside my control.

These days I find immense fulfillment in helping others to acquire the wisdom which battles can or can’t be fought at home or in the workplace.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

I love challenging the status quo. Have you ever heard this comment in the workplace: “This is how it is done because it has always been done this way”.

Maybe it is my German heritage which makes me look for the best and most efficient option of achieving an outcome but when it comes to creating a thriving workplace environment there are two things I approach very differently:

1. People initiatives are not programs you roll out and forget about. What makes us different is a forever approach. Working on the human factor needs to be embedded in your weekly to do list in the same way you have the weekly report or delivery deadline of a project.
   When we work with our clients, we build habits over a long period of time so the learning can turn into embedded action. Too many programs stop at the conscious state of: “I know what I should be doing, I will start tomorrow.” And then tomorrow never comes.
2. For too long we have been told that Leadership Development Programs will help to increase engagement. The truth is, only 15% of companies confirm the desired outcomes of those initiatives.
   Our “3 Steps to Teamship” framework takes a collective approach in which both, the leader and the team are experiencing continuous growth. This way everybody is empowered and on the same page.

You see, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Training leaders only will in fact divide the team and increase a disconnect. The future of work requires the human skills of collaboration, communication and creativity. A collective growth supports the ultimate goal when the whole is bigger than the sum of all parts.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

• Curiosity and Care about people
  I have an unstilled hunger to listen to people’s stories. I somehow always knew that behind everybody’s facade there is a reason, a story which explains people’s behaviour and action.
  It almost feels like a treasure hunt for a bridge that connects the façade with the true human or the bigger picture, no matter their seniority. Teachers, Managers, CEO’s or a Frontline worker — to me everybody deserves to be listened to.
  This trait has helped me to build trusted connections and networks quickly. Despite moving to 8 different cities in 3 countries throughout my life — it never took me long to build a supportive community around me. We know from the American Association of Psychology that strong connections are your No 1 indicator to resilience. And as a mother of two and entrepreneur — you need plenty of that!
• Grit and Determination
  When I worked as the branch manager of the recruitment firm, I mentioned earlier, a client gave me a nickname: Jack Russel Terrier. What he meant by that was that I wouldn’t let go until I achieved my goal. I would never accept the first “No” as a final answer. Building TeamTalks Pty Ltd tested this determination to the end’s degree. As an entrepreneur you are swimming against the stream a lot, it can be a very lonely place. Every time I was about to give into the sweet smell of secure employment it was my community that encouraged me to keep going. I am far from where I want to be with TeamTalks but I am proud of how far I have come, every little step forward is a celebration.
• Positivity
  Some people would label it as naive; I label it as my superpower. Positivity is a choice and a mindset. I always assume best intent and give people the benefit of a doubt.

Did you know that pessimists are 7 times more likely to suffer from depression?
Positivity flows through so many scenarios in life. Whatever happens to you, you can look at it with a fixed or growth mindset. For example:

• My child is sick — It gives me the opportunity to have more time with my child and forces me to slow down.
• I receive negative feedback — It gives me an opportunity to learn and grow.
• Someone doesn’t reply to my email — I assume the best (the person is busy), not the worst

Today’s topic is conflict resolution, right? A lot of conflict handling is not just navigating a difficult conversation but your mindset before you enter the conversation will determine 50% of your success rate.

Leadership often entails making difficult decisions or hard choices between two apparently good paths. Can you share a story about a hard decision or choice you had to make as a leader?

This answer might not fit 100%. What comes to mind has been more a continuous learning process of many choices than just one hard choice. Starting out with TeamTalks Pty Ltd in late 2020 with merely an idea and a shoestring budget the product development and facilitation of pilots felt like an achievable task. However, when it came to the going to market strategy, I made the mistake of trying everything at once and by myself. The result was a very average result in all areas. So, the tough decisions I had to make was “What do I say no to?” This could entail sales funnels, social media accounts, target audiences, advertising expenses and even clients. I learned the more I was able the focus on one area the more momentum I achieved.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does Conflict Resolution mean?

Let me quote a definition I found by Harvard Business School “Conflict resolution can be defined as the informal or formal process that two or more parties use to find a peaceful solution to their dispute.”

What are some common misunderstandings about Conflict Resolution that are important to clear up?

1. One misconception can be a belief that if you had a perfect culture you wouldn’t have to deal with conflict. This is fundamentally wrong and impossible. Whenever you have two or more human interacting at home or at work conflict is inevitable. However, the state of their relationships will help to keep it at “above the line conflict” vs “below the line”
2. Conflict is an opportunity — not a threat.

The opposite is true: Having no conflict is a threat. Why? Because that would mean that some people don’t speak their truth and hold back. Those are the environments where the elephant in the room gets fueled by silence and grows into toxic culture. The best cultures are embracing productive conflict conversations and will reap the benefits in the form of an engaged workforce.

This might be intuitive to you, but it will be helpful to clearly express this. Can you please explain why it is so important for leaders to learn and deploy conflict resolution techniques?

I mentioned earlier that the mindset you hold going into a conflict resolution will determine 50% of its success. Why? The answer is to be found in neuroscience.

In very simple terms –if you feel out of control your brain will switch into stress mode and as a result you loose full access to your higher thinking parts of your brain. Yet, those parts are the ones needed to think quickly, be able to see the other person’s point of view, take the birds eye perspective and also have creative ideas for possible resolution.

The more you learn conflict resolutions techniques and the more you embrace it, the higher the chance that your brain stays calm and in control. This doesn’t just help with choosing the right responses, but it also puts you into an emotional state of calm.

Why is that important? Because emotions are contagious. The good vibes and the bad ones.

Therefore the more you stay calm the higher the chances that the other people will calm down with you.

On the flip side, what happens to a work culture when there is not an effective way of resolving conflict? How does it impact employees?

If conflict isn’t addressed fairly and/or effectively, negative emotions will build up. E.g. Anger, resentment, nervousness, anxiety and more. By design this will lead to a more uncivil workplace culture over time. Trust and respect will erode. The two biggest foundations to high performing teams. Indicators for the organisation could show up in the form of high absenteeism, costly turnover, quite quitting and increase mental health conditions.

Can you provide examples of how effective conflict resolution has led to increased team performance, collaboration, or innovation within your organization?

As TeamTalks is only small I think the better example is one of our clients who booked the “3 Steps to Teamship” program with us. The company was based in Sydney with 16 people in one office, sitting on four pods. They worked in the energy sustainability sector and each pod had a different focus. Engineering, sales, operations, and strategy. In the two months program everybody learned content about social psychology, personality- and communication styles. In addition, we paired up the participants into groups of two and made them talk about their reflections on the content.

The feedback was fantastic. “4 pods became one” “increased team effectiveness” “increased trust and collaboration” and most importantly “It helped me to understand different personalities in the team and how to adjust my communication style, so they understand me better.”

I still get goose bumps every time I hear such feedback. Just imagine what this does to people’s and business’s wellbeing.

What are your “Five Ways Every Team Leader Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts”? If you can, please share specific examples of a workplace conflict you’ve encountered, and how you applied conflict resolution techniques to address it.

1 . Self Awareness

Increase your own and your team’s self-awareness as this will lead to a more emotionally mature workplace culture. Once I understand what triggers me, I can choose my response instead of reacting and regretting it later.

I am currently working with a transport company with many blue-collar workers. They still encounter pockets of 1980’s culture where screaming is deemed as ‘normal’. After working with me, instead of screaming back, workers would stop, stay calm and voice their boundaries that they won’t continue the conversation unless the voice is lowered.

2 . Priorities relationships over tasks

Relationships are like exercise. They never feel urgent — until it is too late and someone hands you their resignation.

Trust is the best foundation to keep conflict resolution in the healthy zone instead of the blaming, shaming or shouting zone. To build trust your employees need to receive regular belonging-cues from you which will send the message of:

“I care about you and your wellbeing.”

Here are some examples of belonging cues you can build into your daily habits. On their own they don’t seem big but added together they will build consistency:

• When you start an email, spend 5 seconds to start it with an ice-breaker. This way you connect with the person first. “ Happy Monday”, “Thank you for your email”, “I hope you had a nice weekend” “I hope this email finds you well” are such examples.
• Establish an open-door policy by inviting employees to reach out when they need help.
  “Please come to me with any grievance or question you have.” And thank them if they take up the offer which will encourage them to come back.
• Have weekly 1:1 check-ins. According to a Harvard Business Review article the silver bullet to high performing teams: “Coach me once per week”
• The busier the team is, the more you need to emphasis team bonding activities. Don’t wait to the end of the project. Having some fun together is like recharging the teams’ batteries.

3 . Meeting rules

Funny fact, some managers would choose a root canal surgery over a meeting.

Bad meeting habits can be a big trigger for conflicts. Yet, meetings are often the main space where team culture shows its true colours.

E.g. Someone interrupts or talks over people, turns up late for meetings, has the camera off (for online meetings), or holds heated discussions that turn nasty in front of other team members.

Setting team standards and behavioural expectations from the start will avoid many of these conflicts in the first place. It will also offer a platform to speak up and refer to meeting rules in a less personal and instead more process driven way.

Your meeting rules could look like this:

• On time is late
• No meeting without an agenda
• Invitations will need at least x days notice
• Online meetings are a camera on event
• One of my favourites, have a timer that goes off about 8 min before the official finish time. This way you have time for an effective wrap-up, repeat decisions made, clarify who will action what and collect topics which need to be moved to the next meeting.

4 . Team rules

Make it explicit what good ways of working with each other looks like.

A tool I recommend is the Team Canvas. It is used to create alignment amongst team members and requires a facilitated discussion about some core questions around roles, team rules, values, purpose and shared goals. Making this a priority at least every quarter will send a signal that the leader truly prioritises: “Let’s stay on the same page”

5 . Smart communication techniques for conflict resolution

Here are some of my favourite tips to handle curly conversation with smart language.

• Give all parties time to prepare for the grievance handling meeting, including yourself.
• Find a neutral space, free from interruptions.
• When the participant shares their point of view or complaint, don’t interrupt but you can actively listen with comments like:
  “I see why this is hard for you”, “Help me understand, how did this come about?” “You don’t have to apologise, let’s focus on the solution”, “I am sorry that you feel this way or that I made you feel this way” “Tell me more, is there anything else?”

You see, 50% of conflict resolution is validating the other persons emotions, and make them feel seen, heard and understood. This will deflate the balloon of built-up emotions.

• Paraphrase to make sure you understood and to signal the speaker that you have listened. For example:

“Let me repeat, what I am hearing from you is…. , have I missed anything?”

• Lastly when it comes to the resolution part my favourite two comments are: “Help me understand what a good outcome would look like for you” “Help me understand what you need from me to support you.” This way the other person has ownership of the solutions, which in turn creates a high buy-in, too.

For the more heated conversation when the tipping point goes past the healthy conflict my secret weapon is to elevate the conversation.

Divert from the current issue and talk about the shared purpose of both people. Let’s say both people are working for a bus company. The shared purpose would be to get the busses out safely and on time.

Once both parties agree to that, you divert back to the previous conflict and ask: Is the behaviour you are currently displaying serving your shared goal to get the busses out on time?

Mostly the answer is no — and you have extinguished the unhealthy fire in the conversation.

In summary — the only way to resolve conflict is through healthy dialog. As long as we are talking things are progressing, when we stop talking we have a real issue.

As a leader you have to model a positive conflict resolution, set examples that it is OK to make mistakes and embrace a productive speak up culture.

In your experience, what are the most common sources of conflict within a team, and how do you proactively address these potential issues before they escalate?

The most common landmines for conflict I see:

• Generational gap (ways if working and thinking)
• Different personality styles (will think and communicate differently)
• Cultural differences (Believes, habits, behaviours, language)
• Entitlements
• No clarity about expectations
• Power play
• Increased workload and tight deadlines
• Toxic culture

You made a very good point in your question, Eric. The best conflict resolution is to avoid misunderstandings in the first place. To me, the best prevention is

a) Collective uplift and education to shape a self and team- awareness about the potential landmines and

b) Create team rules and expectation about what to do when a landmine blows off. This way everyone will feel more in control and empowered to use the known conflict resolution techniques.

Let me share and interesting fact about Senior Leadership: Often, the higher you go up the ladder that less self-aware you become. Simply because you are missing a healthy feedback-loop from your peers and can then develop blind spots about what is going on at base level. For example, EY released the APAC EY belonging barometer in November last year. It identified that Top Leadership had a 35% higher sense of belonging (around 70%) than the staff level (around 35%). As a Top Leader this can create an assumption that everybody feels the sense of belonging you do.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

That’s easy — I have a dream that we come to work with one intent: To lift each other up.

Imagine your KPI would be to make at least one person smile each day. How many micro moments of belonging this will create every day? The ROK (Return on Kindness) is immediate. The results are happier employees, happier business and happier families. Because we come home with positive emotions and with energy left in the tank.

How can our readers further follow you online?

I contribute to many channels, but I am most active on LinkedIn where I share a mix of thought leadership, research and best practice examples on how to dial up Teamship.

Please follow me and my company.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/birthe-nohrden/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/team-talks/

Or go to my website and sign up for my regular newsletter

www.teamtalks.com.au

Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

About the Interviewer: Eric L. Pines is a nationally recognized federal employment lawyer, mediator, and attorney business coach. He represents federal employees and acts as in-house counsel for over fifty thousand federal employees through his work as a federal employee labor union representative. A formal federal employee himself, Mr. Pines began his federal employment law career as in-house counsel for AFGE Local 1923 which is in Social Security Administration’s headquarters and is the largest federal union local in the world. He presently serves as AFGE 1923’s Chief Counsel as well as in-house counsel for all FEMA bargaining unit employees and numerous Department of Defense and Veteran Affairs unions.

While he and his firm specialize in representing federal employees from all federal agencies and in reference to virtually all federal employee matters, his firm has placed special attention on representing Veteran Affairs doctors and nurses hired under the authority of Title. He and his firm have a particular passion in representing disabled federal employees with their requests for medical and religious reasonable accommodations when those accommodations are warranted under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (ADA). He also represents them with their requests for Federal Employee Disability Retirement (OPM) when an accommodation would not be possible.

Mr. Pines has also served as a mediator for numerous federal agencies including serving a year as the Library of Congress’ in-house EEO Mediator. He has also served as an expert witness in federal court for federal employee matters. He has also worked as an EEO technical writer drafting hundreds of Final Agency Decisions for the federal sector.

Mr. Pines’ firm is headquartered in Houston, Texas and has offices in Baltimore, Maryland and Atlanta, Georgia. His first passion is his wife and five children. He plays classical and rock guitar and enjoys playing ice hockey, running, and biking. Please visit his websites at www.pinesfederal.com and www.toughinjurylawyers.com. He can also be reached at eric@pinesfederal.com.