So the question this week is Aspergers and intimacy. As you can imagine AS does limit what you are willing to do when it comes to any kind of physical contact. You have to catch someone with AS on a good day and the right time if your planning on giving them a hug or a kiss. Get them right they will hug, kiss and hold hands no problem and we do it just as good as any of the NT folk out there. Catch them on a bad day or bad time or even trigger the wrong senses and it’s your ass when an Aspie goes incredible hulk on you. The trick is I think knowing what someone with AS likes and doesn’t like and if your going to try something new then make sure they are having a good day. The more I trust someone the more I am willing to let them get away with, if a stranger enters my personal space I am aware, alert and am looking for the exit. Someone I know gets in there no problem, someone I trust I will enter their personal space. This may sound the same for the NT world but for Aspies there is an entirely different physical reaction, heart rate increases, blood pressure changes sometimes even a cold sweat. Working in retail when someone got too close to me I would take a step back and I would let them know that they were crossing a boundary, if someone touched me, I had been known to even say “Don’t touch me” admittedly looking back at this I am surprised I didn’t ever get into arguments with strangers, I did practise my stern looks in the mirror to deploy on unsuspecting touch-ers which is probably how I avoided an aggression.

Any Aspies out there want a practise one it looks like this:

Use this coping mechanism at your own peril.

A lot of AS people out there class themselves as asexual because they don’t like to be touched, they aren’t tactile and they don’t feel the need to have sex. This isn’t a rule for all but it does seem to come up a lot. There have been stages of my life where I was like this, at one point I went over two years without experiencing any sort of intimacy with anyone and I didn’t miss it. I have asked NT people what it is that they seek, with one night stands or having a good sex life with a regular partner. It sounds like an emotional thing more than anything. That there is some sort of connection you have with someone or there is some sort of chemical release that makes you feel good. A variety of things an NT person feels before, during and after. That they seek it and some even come addicted to it. I am not saying that all Aspies don’t feel this, don’t enjoy it and would never seek it out but I imagine that it is a rare trait to find in one. All though I do like a good hug, mainly because the deep pressure of having one is awesome. One of the main things I think I have an issue with is kissing, personally I have always found it weird and sometimes disgusting. The sounds I hear when someone is doing it and the feeling itself when I am the one involved is something that I rarely enjoy no matter who I am kissing, I figure that it is the sensory trigger it has. Logically however how touching mouths with anyone is a a good thing is beyond me. I do have an NT girlfriend and I know that if you want to make an NT/AS relationship work you have to compromise.

I don’t see gender and have never seen gender. How I see a man and how I see a woman is the same. I see all NT people the same. Who I can and can not get a long with has nothing to do with what sex they are. What I mean by get along with is in all sense of relationships. I can be in a relationship with a man or woman. As long as they understand me and get the obstacles and challenges that come with trying to make a connection I couldn’t care less. I can’t just be with anyone and I don’t make my decision on gender. I know there are many NT people out there that can be bi, hetro and homosexual and a lot of their decisions are made on a physical and sexual nature. When you ask someone what they prefer they are going to think about the sexual aspect above other things. I don’t so much, many Aspies I have spoken to feel the same way, because they can be asexual and they are not seeking a relationship for sex, they have completely other reasons when they want to be with someone. I always make non-gender specific decisions when talking to people and deciding to interact with. I can get angry with either gender for the same reason when it comes to physical contact and getting a hug from a woman has just the same reaction from a man (providing they have their technique down).

This blog is based on my experience on knowledge if I have offended anyone or made any one angry. It wasn’t my intention. All people with ASD are completly different and I never speak for us all.