Here is my brain, have a go
Asperger’s is a fun filter to have on your life. I was thinking this after banging my leg on the same draw that I do at least once a month. I know it is there, I have used that draw hundreds of time, yet the bruises on my shin tell me that I apparently am unaware of its existence. One of the things that I have due to my AS is really bad spacial awareness and I mean really bad. I put my shoes on sat down (always) same with trousers, sometimes I like to risk it and put them on standing up when I want to live life on the edge. The risk of putting both legs in the same trouser hole or when taking them off getting a leg stuck and then falling over is a real adrenaline rush. The amount of times I have fallen off my bike and the two times I have been hit by cars (I do wear a helmet) has never stopped me from cycling, the deep pressure of cycling on a heavy gear gives me too much pleasure. I know this sounds like I could be a menace to the roads and there are probably some motorists that are reading this and thinking “this is why I hate cyclists” I don’t swerve out on the road, I stay as close as I can to the curb and I do stop at red lights. Before cycling I had a car, nine to be precise over the space of ten years. At least seventy percent of them have been crashed or written off. I have never been injured and I haven’t injured anyone, I hit inanimate objects. I am a good driver not a threat to life I have never been involved in anything high-speed. My issue lies in parking and manoeuvres but spacial awareness is always a challenged. A few weeks ago I was driving a small one litre compact car and my girlfriend couldn’t stop laughing at how many attempts it took me to get it into a space the size of a bus.
My options? catching a bus believe me I am probably more of a hazard on a bus then anywhere else. Tight packed in a metal tube with loads of people being noisy and strange lighting is good way to get a meltdown out of anyone with AS. An adult freaking out on a bus is never a good thing. Also the amount of times I have gotten whiff of a bad smell and stated out loud that my nostrils have been violated has always done more bad than good. How I haven’t been in public transport brawls is a miracle.
One of the latest discoveries I have found is my ability to tackle stairs, if I do not watch my feet when I do it then I am not going to be able to up and down them with ease. Which makes sense when I think of the times I have tried moving furniture up and down stairs has resulted in dents and scratches. Even the way people with AS walk and sit is different, the way I walk has been commented on as a slight swagger motion. Which means on shoes I wear holes in them quickly through the left heel due to my sense of balance and now as I get older I am noticing pains in my hips, back and left knee. Recently discovering Yoga and it’s benefits has helped with a lot of this.
All though I do enjoy knocking my balance off. Heights, hanging upside down, jumping off things or between things give me some sort of strange sensory enjoyment. Also travelling at high speeds has always been something I enjoy, when I am not the one controlling whatever it is that is moving at speed. This isn’t the case for all the Aspies of the world but I have met enough to know that I am not alone, rock climbing and roller coasters bring some Aspies great enjoyment and even as relaxation weird as it sounds. All though to be fair I get enjoyment hanging upside down off a chair and watching TV at a strange angle. Which in old jobs caused issues with health and safety when I scaled shelves and used step ladders in a way other than it was intended or cramming myself into tiny spaces. Weirdly these kind of things don’t scare me, when someone warns me what I am doing or about to do is dangerous I pay it no never mind. However plan a surprise change on routine with me in a place I don’t know and a cold sweat will come over me and I will be terrified.
There are therapies out there to help with this kind of thing I have had a few sessions and learnt some therapies to help me save money on shoes, I haven’t crashed a car or a bike in a while. There isn’t a way to stop my weird need to seek out ways to tingle my senses but I think as I get older you grow a common sense and at some point I will be too old to climb things that are not meant to be climbed. You’d think knowing I could fall or be thrown off-balance would be enough of a deterrent.
The featured image of this post is what I did to my first car when I was nineteen. Long story short, I was crossing a bridge with a tractor carrying a plough on the back. Tried to drive past, thought I could make the gap didn’t notice that the plough was actually over my side of the road. No one has been injured, I wasn’t moving that fast.
