Sizes And Colours: Why Is There Even A Standard For Measuring Beauty?
Ma was reading the newspaper and she read out, “School test ki umar mein beauty test kyon le rahe ho?”. I said, “What?”
She passed the paper in my direction and then I saw it, the ad campaign for Dove in the newspaper. Personally, I don’t like Dove and its products. But I’ve always liked their brand image, promoting real beauty, real women. Today’s campaign hit differently because it was not for real women but real girls. Girls who at the age of 13 feel pressurised to wax their legs, slim down their waist and tie ponytails and never plaits.
As soon as I went through it, I said to my mother, “God, this is so true.” I remember feeling the same throughout my school years, especially high school. When people reminisce about their childhood and say they wish they could go back to the good old days, my reaction is “God, no! Never in a million years! I’m so glad school is over!”
Okay, I exaggerate a bit. I did like school but just the parts where my friends and I lived in our own bubble, studying together and planning for the future. The other part of school, that is, encountering the cool kids on the block?….God, I wanted to run as far away from them as possible. The guys were effing hot, the girls were already Kendall-Jenner-Kind pretty and they had one common trait about their good looks- they knew about it.
I’m not here to troll them really, but I do wonder if some of the pressure all kids face in their teenage years stems from being compared to their peers. I think if all of us continued to look like “Ugly Betty” in school while Gigi Hadid looked like Gigi Hadid, I don’t think it would matter so much then because we would be consciously aware that Gigi Hadid is the only person who looks like a specimen of human perfection. After all, she is who she is, a supermodel, with a team of stylists, dieticians, trainers, therapists and God knows what else.
I remember telling a friend of mine in college that I used to be quite insecure about my looks in school. It took time for me to see that my dusky skin is beautiful the way it is and had I been even a shade lighter, I don’t think it would have complemented my features that much.
Today, when I saw this ad, I said to Ma, “I’ve faced both of these issues. Dark girls and even boys are often made fun of for their skin colour. We had a medical examination in 9th grade and everybody got to know that I weighed 57 kgs at the time, you have no idea for how long everyone made it seem like it was the end of the world. A friend of mine weighed 50 kgs and then, our classmates compared us saying 50 is still fine. At that moment, all I wanted was to be her.”
At first, I was embarrassed to write about this. Nobody wants to dig up their own dirt and bring ghosts from their past to life. But now that I’ve moved on from all the drama we bring upon young kids, I feel compelled to talk about this, this unreal beauty standard that we are forced to meet and if we don’t, we either accept our fate as the ugly-unfuckable one or rise above the bullshit and realize that this wouldn’t matter in a few years, the latter seeming an impossible thing at 15. Influencers today talk about body positivity but are we really body positive as a society? I don’t think so.
Girls on the internet give you hacks for better hair removal methods, adding a disclaimer that this is just what I do, you do you, but let’s be honest, the underlying message in that sentence is “but don’t, okay?”
I went for my first ever wax in 7th grade. I applaud my mom who handled it so maturely. Till 10th grade I think, I used to wear a lot of sleeveless tops and in 7th grade, I was just hitting puberty so it wasn’t a big deal for me to wear halter tops and off-shoulder dresses for all social functions. But I had a light dusting of hair on my armpit and looking at other girls, I grew conscious of it. For a week, I threw a tantrum at home, “I have hair under my arms and now I can’t wear sleeveless, Mom, do something.” She did. She told me she was taking me to the parlour only because she doesn’t want me to do anything stupid and try and remove hair on my own and hurt myself in the process. The waxing ritual started and it has never stopped, only replaced by shaving and epilating.
So, when people say, if you have body hair and don’t want to remove it, it’s completely fine. Guess what, it’s not. Because even though you may feel confident, the society we live in won’t let you live the way you want to.
Just recently, I was reading up on the rise and fall of Victoria’s Secret. If there’s ever a brand I have salivated for, it’s VS. I used to love everything about them, their history of how it started off as a brand for men, a store where men could buy lingerie for women (founded by Roy Ramond), then switched off as being a brand for women (acquired by L Brands), something women could feel desirable in, then introducing the angels and bringing some iconic names such as Tyra Banks and Gisele Bündchen to the forefront. In an age where models were expected to be skinny from head to toe, Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated endorsed the idea of a curvier woman as sexy- still skinny but with a nice pair of boobs and a perky butt.
Now, Victoria’s Secret is on the brink of going down because people don’t feel they endorse real beauty standards and still stick to the same idea of beauty that they’ve had for decades. Ed Razek (then Chief Marketing Officer- VS) made things worse in 2018 when he said in a Vogue interview the reason why they had no plus-size and transgender models in their fashion shows was that “It’s a fantasy.”
I was appalled at his statement but inwardly, in agreement too. If I were to not be politically correct, even I know I would choose a model like Candice Swanepoel or Adriana Lima over a transgender model or a plus-size model like Ashley Graham (who’s stunning, by the way!). The simple reason is catering to a larger palette- everybody wants to fuck Candice Swanepoel and only a few would want to fuck Ashley Graham. I know that’s harsh but so is showbusiness. When Ed Razek says about selling a fantasy, they know they’re not just selling the lingerie but selling it on Adriana’s body, so that everybody wants to touch her wearing it but subconsciously know, they can’t.
So yes, when it comes to beauty standards, we as a society love to pinpoint all things that are corrupting our mindset but seldom take responsibility for how much corruption stems from our own selves. We put the blame on brands and products that sell an idea, but never acknowledge the double standards we portray in our expectations of beauty. Parents, aunties, uncles, relatives, friends, peers- all of us together form this society, we pit ourselves against each other, compare by looks, weight, height, marks, thinking to soothe our insecurities by bringing the other down.
I just hope that when I share this, women and men who’ve faced similar experiences in some capacity, feel understood and realize that their worth doesn’t stem from their physical appearance alone. I know it’s hard for a teenager to understand, who’s already going through so much due to hormonal changes, but if you just hold on and don’t let these petty issues get to you, you’ll see how much more life has to offer. It takes a lot of courage to be who you are but if you do, it’ll be worth it. If not now, then someday. I promise.
