Musings
Forgiveness and Reconciliation Make Relationships Stronger Than Ever
Personal relationships can be damaged by grave misunderstanding, hurtful quarrels, acts of treachery, or unexpected disillusionment. Sometimes, the damage runs deep and may seem irreparable
Once the spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation is allowed to heal the hurt and the pain, the former relationship comes alive again. It is elevated to new and unexpected heights. It becomes stronger than ever before.
This reminds me of a treasured friendship that was suddenly torn asunder and was given up for lost. Until the Holy Spirit moved to repair the damage.
Donald was a successful businessman in a tricky line of business. He was a customs broker. He looked and acted tough inside and out. He had to be, in order to survive and prosper in a subculture of cloak and dagger operations, where smugglers and tax cheats reign supreme through a network of corrupt bureaucrats.
But Donald also had a soft heart. He was easy to talk to for donations or contributions to relief drives during times of calamity and disaster. Or for projects to feed malnourished children and bring them back to a fighting weight. Or play basketball with out-of-school youth during weekends so we could chat about the perils of illegal drug use and the benefits of learning a livelihood skill in order to land a job. Or join volunteers that went door to door to get parents to bring their children for vaccine shots against dreaded diseases.
When Donald was invited to join our then relatively new Rotary club, he readily accepted. With his wife Jojo, he saw an opportunity to channel their charitable activities through an international organization with a proven track record in humanitarian service. Their elegant mansion soon became a favorite venue for fellowships with his fellow Rotarians. The couple won the hearts of many new friends. He even got some of us to become his compadres, or godfathers to his children. But no one could convince Donald to consider being Rotary club president. He was just too busy, he said. He often had to take business trips abroad. It would be embarrassing if, as president, he wouldn’t be able to show up for the regular meetings of the club.
Many months later, I was chosen to be the fifth president of our Rotary club. In preparation for my stint, my Board and I did a quick review and assessment of how the club was doing against the basic roles and duties expected of a Rotary club.
The review led to a number of positive decisions aimed at strengthening membership, improving the payment of dues, encouraging more active participation in service projects, and attending club meetings more regularly. But the review also yielded a list of members who, under Rotary rules, were deemed delinquent in either attendance or payment of dues or both. Not surprising, really. Rotarians are usually very busy people in their professions or businesses, and may occasionally need to be reminded of certain responsibilities in their engagement as volunteers.
So, the usual friendly letter reminders were sent out. After two months, when the concerned members still had not replied even to follow-up letters, the Board opted to apply the rules. One of the rules was that if a member has missed four consecutive club meetings without any official explanation, his membership could be withdrawn and he would cease to be a member of the club. The notification letters were sent out accordingly. One of these was sent to Donald.
Two more weeks passed before we heard from him. The members were enjoying our fellowship meeting at the poolside of the hotel where our club held its regular meetings when, suddenly, Donald appeared. He looked very upset and angry as he pushed his way straight to the table where I was seated. He let out a torrent of expletives and curses as he brandished a weapon and accused me and the Board of causing him shame and embarrassment without due process.
Good thing the proverbial cooler heads stepped in. They were able to coax Donald to put down the weapon and gently guided him out of the premises. That was the last we were to see of Donald for a long, long time.
In the meantime, we had our own introspection into how or where we might have erred or could have communicated better. Letters of apologies, visits to his home, the intercession of mutual friends, and more attempts to bridge the gap, failed to placate him. He had simply cut off all ties with our club.
Fast forward to several years later. I was in the midst of a management committee meeting in my office when my secretary told me there was an urgent call from a lady who identified herself as the wife of Donald. As soon as I heard the name, I excused myself from the meeting and took the call. Jojo, Donald’s wife, said she was calling from a hospital where Donald had been confined for several days. At that moment, the doctors had just confirmed that he had cancer at an advanced stage. She said Donald had expressed a desire to see me. Could I come?
I immediately cleared my desk and rushed off to the hospital. When he saw me come into his room, he asked the other guests for a private moment with me. He held my arm and simply said thanks for coming. Mutual apologies were offered, and he asked me to remember him in our prayers. I said of course, and would it be alright for me to ask our other club members to do likewise.
I stayed on for another half hour or so. He and Jojo told me about their plans to go to the US to receive further treatment. He was hopeful he would get better, so he had one request to make. When they return from the US, it would be nice if he could become a member of our Rotary club again. But since that is no longer possible, given his state of health, would the club consider holding some of our fellowship activities at their home? He and Jojo would be so happy to host the gatherings, he said.
Donald got his wish. After his medical treatment in Houston, they returned home. For at least two or three times, he and Jojo played hosts to our club members and our family members at their lovely home. Although wheelchair-bound, he warmly greeted everyone as we entered their house and, throughout the well-catered dinner, freely swapped stories, reminiscences, and jokes with everyone, just like the good old times.
A year after his return from Houston, Donald took a turn for the worse. My wife and I were with his family in his room at his home when the last moment came. In fact, I was seated at his bedside, holding his hand as we said our prayers with and for him, until the doctor confirmed that he had at last flown home to our Heavenly Father.
Thank you, Donald, my compadre, fellow Rotarian, and my friend. God bless!
Ave Maria!
