Are your relationships reciprocal or transactional?
I love talking about anything to do with human interaction and psychology.
From college, where I would match 50 of my guy and gal friends anonymously on facebook based on their interests (pre-Facebook dating), people watching, analyzing consumer insights or giving advice for an interpersonal issue — there’s so much to learn from us complex humans.
I’m always meeting people too — from striking up a conversation on a plane, train or walking down the street. I have this urgent feeling that I want to meet as many people as I can before I die. It’s my way of making a big overwhelming world seem more approachable and small — where I can go most places and recognize someone or be recognized. I actively started this approach while at Cornell during the year where we had the most suicides in school history. I was broken and sad about what was happening — having witnessed the aftermath of a death with my own eyes as a freshman. I believed that if I could reach someone and talk to them, walk alongside them, things would be better.
School quickly became less about getting the job or being “successful” — it became more about genuine connection. If anyone knows me, I was career obsessed, but it was then that my mindset shifted from this idea of “networking” to simply making friends and building intentional relationships. Meeting new people became more and more fun. I didn’t want to only reach out to people when I needed or wanted something and didn’t like the feeling when others did that to me. I wanted to know a person deeply — their pains, the passions, their purpose, their motivations and memories.
As a result, I’ve come across MANY relationships — people I’ve met in school, personal and professional settings. I found that each of these relationships require varying levels of upkeep and communication. As I’ve evolved over the last couple years and particularly after COVID, I’ve started to look at my relationships with a finer-tooth comb.
Why?
Studies and research has shown that any given person can only actively maintain up to 150 relationships at any given time. As time passes, and you meet more people, it’s important to know who to keep, who was a great interaction for the moment and who to let go of. It’s also important to maintain a healthy mix of varying types of relationship reflected across family, friends, hobbies, and work.
A great filter for this?
Deeply understanding which of your relationships are transactional versus reciprocal. There is a place and time for everything but in deciding which relationships to let go of, I had to take a hard look at which ones weren’t about mutual growth and reciprocity.
First, let’s look at the nature of the interaction:
Reciprocal Relationship: In a reciprocal relationship, there is a sense of mutual exchange and give-and-take. Both parties contribute to the relationship, and there’s a balance in the exchange of resources, support, encouraging words or affection.
Transactional Relationship: Transactional relationships, on the other hand, are more focused on a specific exchange or transaction. The interaction tends to be more transactional, where each party seeks to obtain something from the other without necessarily fostering a sense of ongoing mutual support or commitment.
Second, what’s the difference between these seemingly interchangeable words?
Duration and Continuity:
- Reciprocal Relationship: Reciprocal relationships often imply a longer-term commitment and a continuous flow of interaction over time. There is an expectation of ongoing reciprocity, and the relationship may evolve and deepen as a result.
- Transactional Relationship: Transactional relationships may be more short-term or situational in nature. They are often focused on specific needs or goals, and once those needs are met or the transaction is completed, the relationship may not continue or may change significantly.
Emotional Connection:
- Reciprocal Relationship: Reciprocal relationships typically involve a deeper emotional connection and a sense of empathy and understanding between the parties involved. There is often a genuine interest in each other’s well-being and a willingness to provide support or assistance without expecting immediate return.
- Transactional Relationship: Transactional relationships may lack the emotional depth and connection found in reciprocal relationships. The interaction is primarily driven by the desire to fulfill a specific need or achieve a particular goal, rather than a genuine emotional bond.
Mutuality:
- Reciprocal Relationship: Reciprocal relationships emphasize mutual benefit and mutual respect. Both parties contribute to the relationship, and there is a sense of equality and balance in the exchange.
- Transactional Relationship: Transactional relationships may be more one-sided, with one party seeking to obtain something from the other without necessarily offering much in return. The interaction is often more transactional and instrumental, focusing on achieving individual goals rather than fostering mutual benefit.
While both reciprocal and transactional relationships involve some form of exchange, reciprocal relationships tend to be characterized by a deeper sense of mutual support, ongoing interaction, emotional connection, and mutual benefit, whereas transactional relationships are more focused on specific exchanges or transactions without necessarily involving a long-term commitment or emotional connection.
I’ve asked myself:
- When I look at my relationships, which are fulfilling and reciprocal?
- How can I ensure that I create a reciprocal dynamic in fostering existing and new relationships?
I have quite a bit more to say on this, but that’s all for now.
Until next time.
Sasha Mack
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Sasha Mack, a graduate of Cornell University with a BA and an MBA from the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, is a multifaceted professional who seamlessly blends business acumen with artistic creativity and personal development coaching. Born and raised in Fairfield, Connecticut, Mack has leveraged her education and experiences to make significant contributions in various fields. Her professional journey includes roles at Bridgewater Associates and Meta, board membership at a non-profit and private school, and involvement with Lawyers for Children. As an accomplished artist, Mack is known for her unique handmade creations, particularly her “Black Sheep Collection,” which explores themes of individuality and non-conformity. Additionally, she works as an authenticity coach, helping others uncover their purpose and passion. Mack’s diverse achievements, from academic excellence to artistic innovation, reflect her commitment to personal growth and positive impact in both business and community spheres.
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