Chapter by Chapter Interview with Author Alyee Sakin (2/n)
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Clinton Brown 0:02
All right, welcome back to chapter two of Your Reality on Fire with author Alyee Sakin; thank you so much for joining me.
Alyee Sakin 0:11
Thanks for having me, Clint.
Clinton Brown 0:13
Yeah, I’m I love diving into the book. But in chapter one, you’re warming us up to these concepts. And this chapter, we’re going to you entitled Shift Your Mind to Neutral. And I think I’ve got a quote for you here; let me pull up my notes. It says, “We can control our response to keep any situation balanced and not personal. Without energy on it. It’s just an event and experience a fact. It’s our projections, perceptions, emotions, and triggers that take us out of balance. Without all of that, it’s just a fact.” Talk to me about more of this neutral mind. And that’s a bold statement, you know, because people were thinking, man lady, you don’t know my life. Right? But you’ve had life, right? You’re speaking from experience here; talk to me about this neutral mind.
Alyee Sakin 1:06
So the neutral mind is a mind that we do not attach to. And as I speak about in later chapters, you have the mind, which is a separate entity from yourself. Because since we can hear the mind and listen to what it says, it can’t be us because we can actually hear it. And we can hear my mind say, Oh, I’m hungry. Oh, do I want ice cream, and you hear someone else saying it, and I’m witnessing it. So, therefore, I can’t be it. Right. So that’s the mind separate. And that’s why we say sometimes you have a monkey mind, and your mind is going in circles and all. And so keeping your mind neutral, as we say in Vipassana, which Vipassana is the act of seeing things as they truly are. And it’s also a 10-day meditation retreat where you meditate with no books, no speaking, no writing, nothing. And it’s a beautiful thing to do if everyone definitely could do it in their lifetime, once or more. And so the Vipassana teaches us not to have craving or aversion, so not to want something really bad and not to be like, Oh, no, not me, I’m not doing it. But to really be neutral, to be quantumness to be balanced. And so to have a neutral mind is to witness things as they really are today is 90 degrees, it’s 90 degrees, I’m not putting any energy on it, I’m not putting a past experience on it, I’m not putting my perception on it, I’m not putting my opinion on it. So I’m just like, it’s 90. And so really like saying, This is what it is, you know, I live in Costa Rica, I’m not putting any opinion, emotion feeling on it. And a lot of the time in life, especially when we’re in confronting situations and things that trigger us to come back to a neutral mind for me, my experience is something that is able to calm me to bring me back to myself that my true self, and to stay balanced instead of being really angry about it, or really, really ecstatic about it, you know, to really stay neutral. And like, you know, neutral is between positive and negative. So you’re not running around, you know, like highs and lows, but you’re, you’re in a neutral state, which feels peaceful.
Clinton Brown 3:31
Is that the same thing as homeostasis? Are you talking about something a little bit different?
Alyee Sakin 3:36
I mean, it’s homeostasis for the mind. So it’s a place where you live, where you’re not judging, you’re not making up stories, you’re not having a negative mindset, you’re not having a positive mindset, you’re not being insecure, you’re not taking things on, and you’re not projecting out. So yeah, you’re just in a homeostasis place, or in a very balanced place where someone could say, this happened at work, or all of these things are thrown at you and you just remain neutral, you remain you’re not taking the energy and letting it define you so accurate totally also taps into it when he says you know, a thought is just a thought. And that it’s us that put all our energy, experiences, and opinions on it. But when we take ourselves out of that, the thought is just what it is. It’s just an event, it’s a temperature. And we’re the ones that our mind is the one that kind of spins with it as we talked about in chapter one and, and the mind spinning down into that. So for me being able to look at somebody neutrally and not be like, Why are they acting that way, and then start judging them. They are being disrespectful or they are a bad person. Why are they speaking to that but just be neutral? Okay, that person seems really upset right now.
Clinton Brown 4:57
Yeah, you know, one of the I think I learned the version of this when I was younger I, one of the first jobs I had as an adult, and newly married, which I do not recommend what I’m about to tell you for newlywed, but we became group home parents had a modern-day orphanage effectively, with teenagers that had a lot of challenges. And it wasn’t that taxing on our marriage, but it was just difficult work. But they the training they have us go through. Because some of the kids can be violent, and we needed to be safe for everybody, they would say, say what you see, the way to defuse the kids is to say what you see you have a very pissed off 15-year-old boy who’s bigger than me. And you don’t want to engage with them in hand-to-hand combat or something that’s going to hurt somebody. So when they would come to you and yell or be vulnerable in a way, you would just say, like, I see that you’re standing, and you have your arms crossed, right? You’re yelling; we weren’t saying stop it. That’s bad. That makes me feel bad. Right? We just were describing the scene. And what that was doing was broadening their awareness and grounding them back in the moment that they were. Because when you’re that pissed off, sometimes you just learn, you don’t know what’s going on. And that created a new practice for me of sort of, it wasn’t about me. I’m usually, I mean, these kids showed up with a lot of stuff I never even found out about, but learning the practice of just neutrally describing it. Like you’re yelling really loud, and you’re using a lot of profanity. And we would talk like that. And they would say, No, I’m not you blankety-blank, blank. And you would say still sounds like you’re yelling at me. And using a lot of profanity sounds like you have something you want to say to me. And I want to listen, you know, and it was a way to disarm it worked fast. I mean, crazy fast. We could de-escalate these kids without ever standing up or confronting them or doing this like I’m in charge yell business. So I can validate, at least from my perspective, this practice of, in simple ways, letting things just be what they are, sort of a neutral fact. Where have you found this difficult to practice? Have you run into so do you have anything now that you’re like, I get this, but boy pulling it off in the moment? I could, I could get academic later and say how I could have been neutral, but I don’t have access to it.
Alyee Sakin 7:30
I mean, yeah, all of
Clinton Brown 7:34
you’re still human.
Alyee Sakin 7:35
Yeah, like, you know, just having a neutral mind is takes work, you know, even I don’t even know the other day, my car battery died. And so like, Oh, my God, the battery died. It’s so hot. I just want to have it. Why is this happening? And then it’s like, okay, someone’s coming. I’m so grateful someone’s coming to help me, we jump it, we get into town, it dies again. And again, I could go into the story really fast. Or I could be like, Okay, you could just accept this as what is this is what’s happening, died again. I’m not going to go positive or negative with this. I’m just going to be neutral. Like this is what’s happening. How do I deal with it? And so yeah, on any sort of basis, if a friend’s running late and you’re waiting around and I started to go into story, I could have stayed at my house and done a lot of different things I had a lot more to do. They’re disrespectful. They’re this, they’re that or do I just stay neutral? Okay, this is what’s happening. I’m already where I’m supposed to meet them. How can I make this work for me? How can I just stay neutral like acceptance? Really just accepting what is and not immediately judging it? Or falling into the trap of going negative? So and again, recognizing that it’s your ego? Which is that part of your mind that we named that’s the one doing the thinking and the monkey mind and the making up stories? This ego part of you that will say no, you should be mad, this person’s disrespectful. You shouldn’t make plans with them anymore. You should just go home and the ego is really talking. Say okay, again have a choice like we talked about in chapter one, but okay, I can choose do I want to stay here and wait for them? Do I want to go well, we have plans I may as well stay. They said they’ll be here in the next 30 minutes. Okay, I’m gonna stay neutral because I don’t want to sit in a negative state and even; when you can also use it when sometimes we get so hyped up in a positive way. Right, like, oh my god, I’m going on this date. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. Oh, my God, I can’t breathe it. You know, we get ourselves into this, which is fun for a minute, but then you’re like, wait, let me just be neutral. It’s only the first date. I have never met this person. Or maybe I’ve met them once. I don’t know them at all. I’m just going to stay neutral and experienced this and every now A moment instead of projecting or making up stories or living from past experiences, how do I remain neutral in this?
Clinton Brown 10:08
Yeah, that is, does that sort of go hand in hand with being present?
Alyee Sakin 10:17
Sure, yes. Yes. So remaining neutral is being present and accepting what is. So yeah, when you’re present, not only being present, but you’re also accepting what is, but yes, presence is definitely a part of it. And I’m going to be present in some moment, this is what’s happening. And then I’m gonna accept it where it is, I’m not gonna go negative or positive. And, you know, like I said, it’s fun to even be in the positive thing. But then, then when you go so high, you give yourself room to do that you have to come down. But if you maintain no craving, no wanting something really, really bad and know what version I don’t want this to happen, and you just remain neutral. I trust that whatever happens is happening for the highest good, then I can stay in a neutral state. And so probably the last few days, the last week, the last year of my life, it’s like how can I remain neutral when things aren’t going the way I want them to go? And just know that this is what’s happening. So I don’t really want to be there’s nothing I can do. So and how does being in neutral take away having to control and having control actually cause anxiety and stress because we can’t control anything?
Clinton Brown 11:30
Yeah, yeah. What you made me think of in that what the sir I’m about to share with you might sound a little bit like psychotic for some people. And so I apologize for those of you who are gonna write me off for this. But in my sort of practicing being present, I’m very much a futurist. Like I love the future. I love talking about things in the future that I’m not nostalgic, the past doesn’t really have a whole lot of weight in my world. And learning to be present and not labeling things. Last year, I was on a farm helping some the farmer move some animals around, and they had a bucket of apples that they fed their pigs, and the bees were doing their thing because bees like apples. And so there was a risk. They said, when you move that barrel, you could get stung. And I know that I’m not allergic to bee stings, and I handle it pretty well. And I thought, well, we gotta move it like I gotta get it on the tractor, the little forklift thing, and like, there’s just not a way to avoid this. And sure enough, I got stung right on my forearm. And it was the first time in my life I’ve been stung where I didn’t freak out, like we normally do when you go out, you know that we all have that sort of natural thing. It was like I went in expecting it. This being the circumstances, the bees didn’t want me there. They didn’t invite me to the party. And I grabbed this barrel, a bee lands and stings. And I look at it and I can see it doing its thing. And in sort of a weird poetic moment, like, that’s the end of that bees life. Like he was so committed to guarding these apples, he sacrificed himself. And I just pulled him off because he’s committed to the task at hand. And it hurts. But I didn’t say, Oh, this is bad. I shouldn’t be out here. I can’t believe this happened to me. There was none of that chatter. In my mind. It was just like, this is a bee, the bee stinging me. And again, that sounds crazy. But it’s in my world, that might be something severe enough, I would notice it. And I just pulled them off and, you know, throw them on the ground. And the farmer was like, did a big sting you and I’m like, Yeah, you know, I think I’ll be fine. And we went on about the business because the first time I had something that was so poignantly easy to be negative, and cuss and throw stuff and things you would be reasonable to do if you got stung by a bee. And my mind was so calm. And I was like, Nah, he’s doing his job like I’m the one who gotten his space. And so I think that there’s for me that’s a really severe example or maybe for someone else’s severe but for me, it’s normal. But I think that there’s it reminded me how much power of choice you have in these two to not be positive or negative about it, but to just be there. And surprisingly, I think they’ll be there. Surprisingly, I think the pain was less because I didn’t have all the endorphins and all the anger and all the freakout thanks yeah, we just went on about it.
Alyee Sakin 14:33
So I mean, that was really beautiful because you just said the pain was less and that’s like what it is right? When you are in your mind, the pain is less you don’t take it on you don’t experience it. So if you can’t go positive with your mindset go neutral. Like you couldn’t go positive like you weren’t like, oh my god, that’s amazing. Luckily I’m having the best thing I’ve chosen you so you stay neutral and you didn’t make up any story. If you didn’t allow the ego to tell you Oh, of course, you got stung. Of course, this happened to, you know, all of the things that farmers did or viewed, whatever it was. And so of course, the pain was less than that’s what happens, right? And the pain is less. So all of the things in the book are really about how we can live our best life and take ourselves out of suffering and pain, and live in a healthier, more joyful way. And the less the suffering will be less if we do these conscious practices as you did.
Clinton Brown 15:31
I want to sort of, as we hit in the sort of the second half of this chapter two, you are getting a couple of questions I want you to sort of, I’m going to lump them together because I think they go together. But you talked about this idea of creating space between you and your mind. And the question I have is who are you aside of your mind helped me understand it, like, I’m brand new, on? You alluded to earlier that you can have an experience where you’re thinking about yourself thinking so it can’t be there’s two things going on? How did you start to separate those? Or what do you do to continually understand that there’s more than just the thoughts you have? Are you that’s it, it’s all one thing? And you’re talking about that there’s almost separate beings happening?
Alyee Sakin 16:21
And so you’re asking, How do I separate it within myself?
Clinton Brown 16:25
Yeah, how do you, like, help me better understand the idea that I am not my mind?
Alyee Sakin 16:32
So the first thing is you can witness to your mind. So therefore you are that, and then be able to observe it, as we’ve talked about before in chapter one, and throughout the book, observing and seeing yourself and hearing that mind. And knowing that more, you’re in emotion, so you’re in angry, sad, you’re more in emotion, but you’re not. And your mind will take that emotion and spin with it and makeup stories. And so you’re not your mind. Because when you’re in true bliss or happiness, or you’re in meditation, or like you, you’re in a can, can complete state of, of connection, but calmness and peace, that’s you, that’s who you truly are, you know, or you’re in joy, like you can feel in your gut, in your, in your sacral chakra down in your roots, like in your core. Er, you know, even these people that are killing other people are all these things. They’re not that person like we’re all born human. And so knowing that the mind is a separate entity, that is telling us lots of things all the time. So when you say my mind is going crazy, my mind is making up stories, my mind is telling me my partner is cheating on me. Know that that’s not you. Because if you are really grounded and came back to who you truly are, you are in a state of bliss, you are trust, you are the soul who is just that is neutral. And so knowing again, by hearing your mind by witnessing your mind by hearing the ego, and knowing like I would know sometimes we’re like, I wouldn’t know why am I even thinking this? This isn’t? Yeah, yeah, you know, or like, sometimes we get jealous, or we get and you’re like, this isn’t really who I am, then you’re like, Who is that? Why would it or, or sometimes I say things unconsciously? And I’ll say something and I’m like, wait, I just said I’m hungry? I’m actually not hungry? Why did I say that? And you know, it’s from a pattern or programming, or something else? That’s not actually you. And we’ve all caught ourselves doing that, right? We’re like, this isn’t how I would usually act. Maybe it’s because like you said, I’m tired and I haven’t slept or because I’m hungry or because I’ve you know, someone just passed away in my family, because that’s not me. You’re right. It’s not you. It’s something else that’s acting that way, because that’s how it wants to be. And so noticing that and noticing, you know, when you also have a parent or someone teach you how to be when you’re a child, and then you do that. And then at one point, you become aware and you’re like, wait, I never wanted to hurt anyone. I don’t want to scream profanities at my, my partner or my friend, why am I doing that it’s something I learned it’s a learned behavior. That’s not truly me. So when you begin to know who you truly are, then you know there’s a separation there. There’s who you truly are. And then there’s the ego, the mind that is there to protect, for protection and for safety and to say, Ally you better get out of here. Remember when this happened last time and to bring in the past experiences you know and remind you we’re here to protect you better get out but I’m like, wait, I’m in the present moment. This person hasn’t done anything to harm me. So you can actually like talk to your mind. And like when you say sometimes we say and I do I have the angel and the devil you and sometimes angels, like, go ahead and do that thing. You’re amazing, like, wow, you’re just different. And that’s why this person doesn’t like you. And the devil is like, no, they don’t like you because you’re annoying, and you’re talking too much. And so because you can witness it, you’re not that.
Clinton Brown 20:16
Yeah, I think that’d be really helpful. For many people, because they might find themselves at the end of a set of decisions, or actions or behaviors that they think like, Man, I’d like a do-over because that doesn’t represent me or what I truly believe. Or I keep, you know, repeating a behavior that why like, I wouldn’t do that on paper. If someone wrote down to do it, I wouldn’t do it. I think this is this chapter is gonna be really important for understanding Chapter Three about stories. You call it storytime, about the sort of stories we tell ourselves. I think this will be a good platform to be on. If you’re just finishing this recording of chapter two. Go back and catch chapter one before you jump into three. So you know what the heck’s going on? What we’re doing right now, if you just jumped in some house, a friend sent this to partway through. We’re interviewing Elissa Kean, author of reality on fire on the various chapters of her book, this is chapter two. In the links below in the description, those fields you can click over to her various accounts, and follow her project. So you know, when the books coming out, and how to participate in her other courses and trainings and that sort of stuff. Allie, thank you for taking the time today to break down Chapter Two with me. I really appreciate it. I’m super excited to jump into chapter three. And I’m glad that we could align our schedules. Thanks.
Alyee Sakin 21:53
Thanks, Clint.
About Alyee:
Awaken Village Press Author Alyee Sakin walks us through the second chapter of her book Your Reality on Fire. https://www.awakenvillagepress.com/alyee
Book Synopsis
Do you feel stuck and not sure where to go or how to change? Is the world becoming even more uncertain, so you feel less productive and more confused than ever? Do you want to change your life and the situations you find yourself in?
Our brains love cortisol. It’s a chemical in our brains that tends to flow more freely and spurs negative thoughts. A negative mindset creates a negative life. We constantly have to re-work those negative thoughts into positive ones. This is very difficult and for the most part, we don’t know where to begin. There is no instruction manual or magic formula. It’s the hard-knocks of life that teach us and prepare ourselves for these moments. Thankfully, Aly has been through many of those experiences and she’s here to ignite our lives with positivity, purpose, abundance, and joy!
According to the Pew Research Center, millennials are the optimistic generation despite economic uncertainty and loads of student debt. 7 in 10 Americans, spanning all generations, say the 80 million or so millennials in this country have it harder than their elders did starting out, according to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey. Yet, millennials are also the strongest advocates to drive positive change for society. And, as the first generation to grow up in the new digital age with mobile phones, make it through the Great Recession with a tanking economy and unstable climate, they have unique real-world experiences that have shaped their mindsets in many important ways.
Still, as the world continues to become increasingly uncertain–economically, environmentally, politically, and socially–creating or keeping a strong positive mindset is easier said than done.
In Your Reality on Fire, Aly Sakin teaches you 4 mindset principles you can apply to your own life, along with tools and techniques you can implement right now, to start thinking and acting positively, causing a life shift in your current reality.
Her relatable life experiences empower you; how she survived an abusive childhood to thriving relationships, how she went from “having it all” by societal standards to designing a life that supported inner joy and self-worth, to transforming herself from a waitress in NYC to having multiple thriving businesses with international attention. Your Reality on Fire empowers you with many stories that offer practical tips and advice to get you unstuck and ignite the fire within, guiding you to live your best life.
The four principles shared in the book included:
- Mindset: Taking responsibility and having a positive mindset to live your best life.
- Awareness & Growth: Letting go of what no longer serves you and diving into Transformation.
- Living in joy and miracles: You are the highest being in your reality.
- Self-love: Falling madly in love with yourself.
Aly went from hanging out with royalty on their luxury yachts, dancing with celebrities around the globe, and living life with high-stake rollers, to understanding that although her reality looked perfect on the outside, it wasn’t a fulfilling life. She was stuck and wasn’t happy. Finally, she took steps to change her reality, stepping into her greatness and her most joyful life. You’re the highest being in your reality. There’s only one main character: YOU! It’s time for you to become unstoppable; accomplishing everything you want, starting NOW.
Learn more at:
