Chapter by Chapter Interview with Author Alyee Sakin (3/n)
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Clinton Brown 0:02
Hey everyone, welcome back to chapter three of Chapter by Chapter with author, Alyee Sakin. Alyee, thank you so much for joining me.
Alyee Sakin 0:09
It’s always great to be together.
Clinton Brown 0:13
Yes, if you’re someone who’s watched the last three together, if this is your third chapter, and you’re watching it back to back, these are the only clothes that Aly and I own. We wear them for all of our videos. So thank you for pointing that out in the comments. But we are we’re making the most of our schedules, we are on different parts of planet Earth. Alyee, you are down in Costa Rica. I am and I’m in South Dakota in the middle of the US. And so we’ve got to align our busy schedules, with what works, and we make the most of these zooms. But thank you so much for joining us, I am super excited to jump into Chapter Three of Alyee’s book, if you gotta go check out her stuff, click on the links in the thing below, and all the account stuff, you can get over to all of her various channels, I won’t rattle them all off for you. Chapter Three, in your book, is about storytimes would you call it a storytime it really talks about the stories we tell ourselves and you get this great little punchy quote in here. If you’re going to make up a story and make up a story that serves you, why did you offer that? I think it’s powerful. Right? I can really see handing that to a friend that’s got some weird, you know, stinking thinking going on. Why did you add that? What are you trying to say by saying that?
Alyee Sakin 1:30
Because we all makeup stories our entire life, about people, places, things, and experiences, we’re always making up stories, because really, we only know the truth in what is within our own cells. We don’t know the truth really about anything else, and what’s going on for anybody else, or why things happen. So we’re constantly making up stories. And so if you’re gonna make up a story, and say why something happened, why you didn’t get that job, why you didn’t get asked on a second date, why you didn’t get invited to that party, why your bank account says zero, you may as well make up a story that works for you that serves you that helps you live your best life and feel joyful instead of negative. So if you’re gonna make one up, which we do a lot of the time, it may as well be a story that is serving you and your life instead of detracting from it.
Clinton Brown 2:22
When you sort of spent a decent amount of time talking about what we’ve alluded to in the prior recordings of the other chapters about sort of spiraling negative thinking. I would make a guess, but that feels like that was something that you perfected as a survival mechanism in your youth, that as an adult, you had to sort of step away from making an assumption there. But there you talk about it with familiarity. And I think that that’s, I think that people who are doing it may not even know that they’re doing it. What are we when someone’s telling themselves a story and maybe staggered and spiraling, what are you sort of alluding to, of this making up stories in your mind?
Alyee Sakin 3:08
Well, it’s, it’s been proven in a study that our not our minds will naturally go negative. So not even me, but our mind naturally goes to a negative place. So we are there to reel it back or to change it or witness it or turn it into something positive. So normally, obviously, well not obvious but we are taught how to act at ages zero to seven. So we watch our parents were this open vessel, our mind is on a tape recorder completely open to life, and we’re learning everything we see. And even on this planet, I guess the news, all of the things we see skew negative A lot of it we don’t know for sure, but we’re making up stories. So we’re making up a story to why this one is fighting with this one we’re making up a story to why this ruler is killing other people we make up stories to why this one is living on the street and this one is a millionaire you know, we make stories. And that’s what we’re trained to do. Right? We see something we make a judgment based on our previous experience or something someone’s told us and we don’t even know you know. As you said, I think I’m making an assumption. Well, you are you’re making up a story like Alyee definitely. You know, Alyee went negative. So now she knows a lot about that because she talks about it with familiarity. Maybe I talked about it with familiarity, because I’ve actually spoken on stages about it and your story was Alyee’s been there. And of course, I have but that was a story you don’t know for sure. I haven’t lived in my shoes. So yes, we naturally skew negative. And we all have these stories that are always given to us. Because we never know, we never know why we didn’t get that job. And so if we’re going to make up a story, I didn’t get that job, because you can say because I’m not smart enough because I wasn’t wearing a pretty outfit because it showed up five minutes late, or because I was a woman. Or I could say, I didn’t get that job because it wasn’t aligned with me. Because Spirit source God was watching out for me, and they knew it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Or maybe my boss would have been hard on me, or maybe my perfect job is right around the corner. And so it was all trusting that everything was meant to be. And so again, like making up the stories, how do we make up something that serves you like, Oh, my God, my friend canceled on me, probably because she thinks I’m annoying, or I made her mad the last time we spoke or she doesn’t want to hang out. Or I could say, Wow, now I have this night to myself, it’s really great. I get to spend time alone, I’ve been wanting to spend time alone, thank you divine flow for allowing this to happen. And so we make up stories about everything, you know, and most of the time, like, even if you’re at the bank, and the ladies, Rudy, or you’re like, wow, that lady’s really rude. We made up a story like maybe her grandmother just passed away, maybe she’s sick. Maybe her boss just screamed at her. But we’re constantly coming up with assumptions. And it’s also you know, quote, a chapter in the Four Agreements, note, assume, you know, and so, assuming allows us when we assume we make up stories, and unless you know, for sure, then it’s, it’s not the truth. And so making sure we live from the truth. And if we’re not going to, we may as well make it positive, like, so we feel good about ourselves, and we get to stay in the positive mindset.
Clinton Brown 6:47
Yeah, I think that that’s interesting that, you know, someone may not realize what powerful evolutionary biology the function of the brain is, that is storytelling. And the reason we go negative from an evolutionary standpoint is that if you hear something go thump in the dark, and you think this is probably grandma bringing me gifts, and you’re a hunter-gatherer, you’re probably wrong, and you die. And so the next person says, they got that way wrong. Something that went thump in the dark was probably risky. I’m gonna tell myself a story that it’s an animal that was hurt, and I want to stay put. So we have this deep in our DNA mechanism to keep us safe. But it’s it was developed in way different circumstances it was developed, you know, you live in the jungle, right? In Costa Rica, but you don’t live in the jungle in Costa Rica, you’re in a nice house, you can shut the door and keep the critters out if you want to most. But that’s a very different circumstance than just being you know, raw in nature or exposed to the elements. And so you have it was developed in your DNA before this part of your brain ever was part of evolutionary biology, like your you got that programming deep inside you to be storytelling, and we want closure to things we don’t. Someone cuts us off in traffic, I find that traffic is for those of us who have to drive all over you crazy stories all the time like some jerk is honking at you. And like once in or whatever, and you’re just like, oh, cuz you’re late to work, you know, just immediately, you’re just like, you want closure for this behavior. This is without explanation. You don’t really like going well, I don’t know why just here we are. And so I think it’s it. You’re probably always in storytelling mode, that would be safer to assume. And I like your suggestion that if you’re gonna be in the business of doing that all day long, you might as well put it to work for you, for at least have been not harmful.
Alyee Sakin 9:00
Yeah, and like you said, like, it’s our ego, which is the person telling the story as we’ve discussed a little bit in our last meeting and chapter two and also we’ll discuss in the future and the chapter about ego will tell us stories to protect us keep us safe things that we’ve learned. And it really will go deep like I can make up a story about why I lost my dog in the river in Costa Rica and say, I wasn’t within my boundary I was with someone I didn’t want to be with and that person through the rock and, and all of the things I did and take responsibility and blame myself feel guilty feel shame. Or I can make up a story that my spiritual teacher told me so I will. I try to listen to her story, which is, it was his time. He planned his exit. It would have been it would have happened in a different way. But he definitely liked was, he reached his point of evolution and human potential like this is how it was planned. It’s not your fault. Huh, so even something deep like that I can make up a whole story, I don’t really know why it happened. So I can either make up a story that serves me and makes me feel a bit better that, you know, it was his time no matter what. And I didn’t do anything to be an accomplice to that or I could guilt and shame and judge myself and for the next 50 years, you know, so it can go deep, and it can be light. And I could also I do live in the jungle. And even though some of my windows are just screens with no windows, I also hear noises, and my dog barks in the middle of the night. So it’s like, I could say, Oh, my God, there’s somebody I’m alone. He’s coming to get me. Maybe I’m not alone. Now, by the time anyone’s hearing the podcast, so don’t come to try to find me. So but I could say all of these things. Oh, I’m in a third or I’m in this country. I don’t know what it is. Or I could say, Okay, I’m just going to trust that that’s an animal and not a person. And part of me. Yeah, I could be scared every time. So I don’t know. There’s, again, there’s do I know that’s a person do I know. That’s a fact, I could. And there’s been times I’ve sat in my bed shaking, and sweating until 5 am. I’m like, I just want the sun to rise. So I can see because I’m terrified. Or I could say chances are, it’s not. She heard a noise, she smelled something. I heard it too. But maybe it’s you know, whatever it is, and you could look at it that I’m being naive, or you could look at it like, okay, she’s trusting that there’s a higher divine looking out for me. But I’m not saying to be silly about it. But I’m saying to watch the stories your mind makes up without knowing the fact or the truth.
Clinton Brown 11:48
It feels to me like there’s some sort of happy, new, the happy medium, or in between the extremes, because you could keep going to the positive and then almost be disassociated and sociopathic by saying, by removing yourself from the reality of things when maybe you’re the cause or have some drama, and you and your negative circumstances from choices that you need to have ownership over, which would be a lot healthier practice than to just be like to screw someone over and then be like, well, the universe planned it that way. Because you were malicious. Do you know what I’m saying? I feel like you could just Yeah, the other direction and get out of balance the other way.
Alyee Sakin 12:35
Ish. But I’m not saying to make up a story or to be malicious. And then say that was meant to happen, you know, you feel someone’s cheating on you which I have a situation at the beginning of the year. And it’s like my intuition was telling me something doesn’t feel right. Something doesn’t feel right. At that moment. I’m not going to make up a story that serves me what I did for a month or two, like, Oh, I did go, Oh, it’s just you Alyee, maybe you have an unresolved issue. Let me look into that. Let me see what trauma this could be triggering at the end of the day, he was cheating on me. And so listening to your intuition and asking questions, making like doing the research, you have to do find to find out the truth, not to live in a bubble. But if you don’t know, you, or you can say and then at the end, I said you know what, there’s a reason he cheated on me. And I’ve never been cheated on before. And now since I’m a transformational mindset coach, I can coach my clients who’ve been cheated on because I’ve experienced it firsthand. And that was really the story I made up about cheating because I can also again go into negative. Of course, he cheated on me my intuition told me I didn’t listen again. So how do I make up a story that serves me because I don’t know why that happened? Or I could look at it as it happened for my own growth. So and I’m not saying don’t listen to your intuition, but I’m saying when you don’t know, or you’re questioning something, or your mind is gonna go negative. Try to keep yourself in a healthier state by realizing whatever it was that it’s happening again for you and not to you. So then you can be happier and healthier in your own self.
Clinton Brown 14:10
Now you talk thank you for that breakdown. You talk a little bit in the book about a short marriage to this person you mentioned in the prior podcast and interview that you still have a good relationship with maybe maybe it’s better now. I don’t know. But you had this sentence. That was interesting. It says I was loving myself. I was actually loving myself, something I struggled with my whole life, by ending things. Now that I think that might be new to folks that you are loving yourself by ending things helped me understand that better.
I was loving myself. I was actually loving myself, something I struggled with my whole life, by ending things.
Alyee Sakin 14:51
So by ending that relationship, I was respecting myself. I was listening to my intuition I wasn’t abandoning myself because I knew it wasn’t the right match. It wasn’t aligned. And I wasn’t. I wasn’t staying in it because I was a certain age or because I didn’t want to get divorced or because of what it looked like. Or because I wanted to have children, but I actually was respecting myself and loving myself enough to honor what I knew to be true. Though I knew in the core, which a lot of us do, Oprah talks about it a lot, or it did on episodes years and years and years ago about intuition. And when we feel something really strong like we know, we know so the more you honor yourself, and what you do know, the more you’re loving yourself because you’re honoring yourself, you’re respecting yourself, you’re not abandoning yourself, but we’ve been taught sometimes to Oh, with the other person, you know, I want to make them happy or it’s gonna look a certain way or this is what I’m supposed to do. And so by loving myself, I left because I knew that’s what my soul my spirit what, what I needed to do to continue a healthy joyful life.
Clinton Brown 16:08
Okay, good. That that I think helps unpack that you got, you got some heavy bombs, you drop in sentences in here, I think they can catch people off guard. And so I was just appreciating breaking that down. What one final comment on this chapter three, I wrote down a note that says it seems like you brush up against the concept of projecting your past onto your current and your future. Am I right? That’s kind of what you’re talking about, like you can, you can have this sort of programming from the past. And I know for me that I was married, I’m now divorced, I have a new partner. And fortunately, she’s quite wise. And she will say, Oh, that has nothing to do with me, you’re bringing that forward? Like, you’re projecting that onto our situation, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. And because she’s an adult, she’s had past relationships. And I’ve said that like, Whoa, I don’t even know what you’re referencing here. That must have been some prior partner. Is that do you is that sort of what you’re talking about some of these situations that you’re bringing that old stuff forward, and you’re mapping in on your current or future.
Alyee Sakin 17:20
100% And that’s part of the stories, the stories we make up are coming from past experiences, beliefs, or values that we have. So definitely coming from your past. And that’s where we get the stories, you know, like, Oh, I knew you were going to be late because all my friends are late, or, you know, I knew that this wouldn’t work out. And, you know, I knew I was gonna lose the money because I always lose money. You know, whatever it is, you’re always taking your story, because how else do you make it up? Unless it’s something that you know, right, you’re gonna make it up from something you’ve experienced? And so most of the stories we make up are from that because that’s our toolbox to where are we?
Clinton Brown 18:02
Yeah, I think that that’s that that feels like a really weighty concept for people who’ve entered adulthood with a large collection of rough stories. There’s, you know, many, many who I think my mother goes back to, I mentioned my mom in an earlier recording, and she was abused quite heavily. So she went off to college. And so when she met my father, who was abusive, it was super disorienting. She would yell at him and say, Why are you so nice all the time? I don’t like I don’t know what you’re doing. Do you know? And he would be like, I don’t what are you talking about? He’s, he’s pretty laid back, dude. And not malicious at all. And, and, you know, she said, took years for her to just be like, Oh, he’s actually just nice. Like, he’s not, he doesn’t get mad about stupid things. But that was part of her programming. She brought it full force on him and then was mad, he wouldn’t do it. He didn’t even know what she was talking about, because he didn’t go through the circumstances. So you know, I think for her, it’s been a lifetime of the library of resources she has to choose from in the first 18 of her life. 18 years of life are not super helpful to being married or parenting children or whatever she’s gone on to do. And I can see that there’s probably it’s certainly at least one, if not more people that are watching this, and they’re saying, Man, those notes I’ve got from childhood or from that relationship aren’t super helpful for where I’m headed. You know, I might have to come up with some new notes.
Alyee Sakin 19:34
Yeah, new experiences and new stories.
Clinton Brown 19:38
Yeah, yeah. I’m eager to continue these discussions. Next, we got it coming up in chapter four of your book. And it’s just right to the throat on this one. There’s no get-out-of-responsibility-free card and you’re gonna have fun with that one. I appreciate you so much for taking the time today to break down chapter three of your book about the stories we tell ourselves. If you want to follow Ellie and her projects, you click on the links in the description and we’ll get you over to our accounts. I don’t know if you’re on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube or wherever you’re watching this. We try to have all those links in there. And you can follow along with her projects. Or hire her for one of her things and follow along. So thank you so much for taking the time. I can’t wait to have you on the next episode. Thank you, Clint.
About Alyee:
Awaken Village Press Author Alyee Sakin walks us through the third chapter of her book Your Reality on Fire. https://www.awakenvillagepress.com/alyee
Book Synopsis
Do you feel stuck and not sure where to go or how to change? Is the world becoming even more uncertain, so you feel less productive and more confused than ever? Do you want to change your life and the situations you find yourself in?
Our brains love cortisol. It’s a chemical in our brains that tends to flow more freely and spurs negative thoughts. A negative mindset creates a negative life. We constantly have to re-work those negative thoughts into positive ones. This is very difficult and for the most part, we don’t know where to begin. There is no instruction manual or magic formula. It’s the hard-knocks of life that teach us and prepare ourselves for these moments. Thankfully, Aly has been through many of those experiences and she’s here to ignite our lives with positivity, purpose, abundance, and joy!
According to the Pew Research Center, millennials are the optimistic generation despite economic uncertainty and loads of student debt. 7 in 10 Americans, spanning all generations, say the 80 million or so millennials in this country have it harder than their elders did starting out, according to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey. Yet, millennials are also the strongest advocates to drive positive change for society. And, as the first generation to grow up in the new digital age with mobile phones, make it through the Great Recession with a tanking economy and unstable climate, they have unique real-world experiences that have shaped their mindsets in many important ways.
Still, as the world continues to become increasingly uncertain–economically, environmentally, politically, and socially–creating or keeping a strong positive mindset is easier said than done.
In Your Reality on Fire, Aly Sakin teaches you 4 mindset principles you can apply to your own life, along with tools and techniques you can implement right now, to start thinking and acting positively, causing a life shift in your current reality.
Her relatable life experiences empower you; how she survived an abusive childhood to thriving relationships, how she went from “having it all” by societal standards to designing a life that supported inner joy and self-worth, to transforming herself from a waitress in NYC to having multiple thriving businesses with international attention. Your Reality on Fire empowers you with many stories that offer practical tips and advice to get you unstuck and ignite the fire within, guiding you to live your best life.
The four principles shared in the book included:
- Mindset: Taking responsibility and having a positive mindset to live your best life.
- Awareness & Growth: Letting go of what no longer serves you and diving into Transformation.
- Living in joy and miracles: You are the highest being in your reality.
- Self-love: Falling madly in love with yourself.
Aly went from hanging out with royalty on their luxury yachts, dancing with celebrities around the globe, and living life with high-stake rollers, to understanding that although her reality looked perfect on the outside, it wasn’t a fulfilling life. She was stuck and wasn’t happy. Finally, she took steps to change her reality, stepping into her greatness and her most joyful life. You’re the highest being in your reality. There’s only one main character: YOU! It’s time for you to become unstoppable; accomplishing everything you want, starting NOW.
Learn more at:
