When Men in Tech Reflect, Diverse Workspaces Will Follow
I’ve only ever worked with one other female developer, and I’ve never had to wait in line for the bathroom at a conference. At work, I’m almost always the only woman in the room. I don’t experience much overt sexism — and for that I’m lucky — but the web development industry is so oversaturated with men that it’s impossible to ignore it’s been shaped for them. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience, but here’s mine:
At my first developer’s conference, I expected to be in the minority. With all the articles out there about women in tech, the gender disparity is undisputed. And at the time, I was the only female developer at my company.
It was what you’d expect of a web development conference: big names giving talks about block chain, new front-end technologies, and a crowd of largely introverted, awkward nerds trying to network with each other. The days were packed with talks and strictly scheduled breaks, so when I found myself with some time to do my own thing, I was relieved.
As I approached the restrooms, there was a comical contrast between the men’s and the women’s. The men’s, of course, had a line stretching down the large reception hall and around the corner. The women’s had no line at all.
Inside was a ghost town. Silent, empty, pristine. I entertained myself on my phone, took my time to relax in the middle of a day that had been pretty hectic. And then the lights turned off.
At first I thought someone had flipped the switch. I called out, but no one answered. It was then that I realized the lights had come on automatically when I walked in. They were motion sensor, and here I was, the only person in this abandoned bathroom, too far from the sensor for it to realize that anyone was there.
That’s how my experience in the industry can be summed up. To be heard, to be seen, I’ve had to adjust, be louder, take up more space, so I can make myself stand out amongst my colleagues.
I consider myself fortunate that I came into the field in the 2010s rather than in the 1980s, and my generally masculine and head-strong demeanor means that I get less sexist garbage thrown my way. But I’ve been micro-managed heavier than my male counterparts. I’ve been mansplained to by men with far less experience than me, even ones who I trained for their positions. I can’t count how many times a client has assumed I was a man before they met me in person.
The one female developer I worked with lasted only a few months. I can’t speak to her experience and what made her move on to other things, but I’ve flirted with leaving the industry many times. Why? It’s hard to feel that you belong when you’re criticized harder for your mistakes, when you have to work twice as hard to be noticed for your achievements, when you feel like the odd woman out.
Most of the alienating behaviors I’ve seen from my male colleagues have been unintentional, easily considered harmless. But they’re not. And we shouldn’t let them slide. We need to call them out.
In my first or second week at my current job, we had a team meeting. I was already trying my hardest to impress my colleagues, to make it clear I’d earned my competitive salary and could fulfill the promises I’d made to improve the team.
During this meeting, one of my colleagues made a joke about women. It’s been so long, I don’t remember the content of the joke. But I remember the nature of it. It was clear to everyone in the room that it was at the expense of women. We were the joke. All women.
My colleague laughed. He thought it was funny. The others laughed a little. I didn’t. I stared him dead in the eyes, silent. After the laughter died down, he looked at me and his face faltered. “Sorry, that was kind of sexist,” he said. “Yeah,” I said. “That’s why I didn’t laugh.” I haven’t heard a joke like that since, and I don’t think worse of him for it. In fact, I appreciate he came to the conclusion on his own that it was hurtful and insensitive.
I wish more men in this industry would take a moment to look around the room and reflect, to see what their default assumptions do to the women around them. Once they do, we can start to foster spaces that make women and other marginalized groups feel seen and welcome in the industry.
