GOD
Why I believe my faith is being question…..
I know God. I trust God. Lord knows my mother Gwen and grandmother Leola showed me he is there and he provides. I grew up Church Of God In Christ (COGIC), so we were at church a lot, Sunday school all day and all night, (shout out to Pastor Eaddy) but something happened to me in all that church and I just don’t want to go. I pay for my kids to go to a Christian school so now my relationship with God is in question, at least thats what I now believe. How do I show my son I love God and trust him and make him believe I do believe in God? Being married this long(11years at the time of this writing)and raising 2 boys I believe in God and my God has been faithful and held my home together. So you best believe I know God and he knows me. When things are at its worst and when they are good, I find time to say thanks and I know when to fall down and say I can’t do it God without you.
It seems so easy for women to praise and worship but its so tentative and almost embarrassing to be that way at church for a man. I mean, I cant stand all that hug your neighbor, hold hands, I honestly want to say bro, just preach. Recently, while in church, the Pastor requests for the congregation to come down to the alter to pray for the kids going back to school. My wife hops up runs down there to get her pray on. I thank god for her, but my son looks at me and says dad “why you ain’t go.” At first, I am in daddy mode right away; Im ready to say look here I’m a man I do what I want to do son. In a true “out of the mouthes of babes” moment, before I could speak he says “they said parents not parent.” So, now Im proud that he spoke freely and that he wants that of me but I am like aint this a blip, my son just called me out in church.
I go home and I think further about that moment, like man now I have to be a church example. I like to smoke cigars and drink my cognac. I like to party from time to time but now I feel like Im being watched 24/7. I always knew I was under the microscope but now I realize that my sons are holding me even more accountable. I have to be even better it seems. Its seems as though there is always more I need to do. I owe it to them, I owe it to God. Is this Gods plan, is that why he gave me my family? Truthfully, I think so. I think I need my family to hold me accountable. I need my family to motivate me. I have often prayed to God to be a better husband, a better father and better son.
I guess you gotta be careful what you pray for because you never know what God does to make u better.
Perspective by: Byron Pullen
Curated by: Awesome Black Dads
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