Loneliness Can Suck The Life Out Of You

But you don't need to let it win.

Shannon Ashley
May 6, 2019 · 8 min read
Photo by Alex Mihai on Unsplash

I was an extremely lonely child.

My mother and my sister say I had imaginary friends. I’ve never been able to remember having any, but if it’s true I assume it’s because I was such a lonely kid.

I made a depressing damsel.

There were a few different men who came into my life and I thought that meant the end of my loneliness. My first love at 18, my ex-husband at 20, and my daughter’s dad at 32. They all took note of my situation. Of my loneliness. And they all took it upon themselves to save me.

My life as a lone reed.

The bulk of everything I've learned about loneliness and relationships has been self-taught. I'm not ashamed to admit that, nor to admit that at nearly 37 years old, I've yet to find my tribe.

I'm not lonely anymore.

That's an incredibly strange thought for me to process. It doesn't mean I wouldn't like companionship or more genuine relationships in my day to day life.

Your worth doesn't come from other people.

The sooner you come to terms with this the better. I used to swim and drown in loneliness and the way it made me feel so worthless. Like if only I mattered more to other people, then I would feel less pain.

You can't always control your circumstances, but you can control your reactions.

As much as I believe that loneliness is more of a social problem than a personal one, I understand that we can't control what other people do.

Some people are more prone to loneliness than others.

If you battle significant loneliness, it pays to recognize this reality. Some of us were dealt a very shitty deck of cards and it's no wonder that we'd struggle with our relationships.

You have got to be your own hero.

Nobody is coming to save you and I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. As much as I claimed to understand this, I don't believe it's anything I truly grasped until this past year.

Keep in mind that loneliness may be temporary.

I don't know what the future has in store for me or you, but I do know that I'm done waiting for the lonely feelings to fade.

Focus on building a life that makes you feel strong.

There's something to be said about being too busy to let your sadness consume you. As a person who has often battled loneliness, depression, and abandonment fears, I have found out that having a passion project can honestly crowd out the sadness which once consumed you.

Awkwardly Honest

A home for some of my most cringe-worthy tales that have been well-received on Medium.

Shannon Ashley

Written by

Single mama, fulltime writer, exvangelical. It's not about being flawless, it's about being honest. Top Writer. shannon.ashley.medium@gmail.com

Awkwardly Honest

A home for some of my most cringe-worthy tales that have been well-received on Medium.

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