Why Is It So Hard For Me To Ask For Oral Sex?

Honestly, this is getting ridiculous...

Shannon Ashley
Apr 8, 2019 · 5 min read
Photo by JJ Jordan on Unsplash

I can’t help but feel like they’re doing me an enormous favor.

That's crazy, right? Given how commonplace and even expected a blow job can be, I really hate that I feel like it's such a goddamned big deal.

I worry about making them uncomfortable.

Again, I can't help but feel that somehow, oral sex on a woman is a bigger chore than going down on a man. Though it's not as if sticking a dick in my mouth is the most comfortable thing in the world.

I worry about them thinking I’m gross.

It's not as if men's pubes are known to smell like roses. Even so, there seems to be some cultural stigma that a woman's nether regions are inherently more disgusting.

I worry about taking too long.

Like many other women, I deal with anorgasmia. That's a fancy way to say I often struggle to achieve orgasm. When a man does go down on me, I am immediately aware of an unspoken need to perform.

I worry about being too "high-maintenance."

Is it high-maintenance to be a woman who wants her partner to try to please her with his tongue? That's what I frequently hear despite oodles of men expecting a regular blow job and a handy.

I don't think it's my fault alone.

Yes, I know it's up to me to make my desires known in the bedroom. My apprehension about asking for oral sex could easily be blamed on me at first glance. Except that I don't believe it's really so simple after all.

Awkwardly Honest

A home for some of my most cringe-worthy tales that have been well-received on Medium.

Shannon Ashley

Written by

Single mama, fulltime writer, exvangelical. It's not about being flawless, it's about being honest. Top Writer. shannon.ashley.medium@gmail.com

Awkwardly Honest

A home for some of my most cringe-worthy tales that have been well-received on Medium.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade