Missing Pieces of She

Author’s Note: 63 percent of African Americans believe that depression is a personal weakness, this is significantly higher than the overall survey average of 54 percent.

Part of her soul is missing you can't tell because behind her smile she hides her tears. In the mask of disguise the alibi is she was taught to fake it until she fixed it on her own. She is not suppose to fear. She is not suppose to be angry. The people she trusts twist her words and now she turns against herself. Pieces of her puzzle scatter, tears are no longer hiding, sleeping in the bed of loneliness. She no longer has control. The mask is melting, life challenges are cracking her heart and now the balancing act is falling . She is trying to be Good Enough. She is a black Woman and she better not be weak. She better not be a mess. She got to raised these babies and if she don’t some one will call the State on her. It doesn't matter how she tries she better be like the other parents. As she walks missing pieces of she is left behind. How does she pick up the missing pieces of the puzzle? How can you convince her to trust again? How can you convince her that the need of her help and trust won’t be violated?

Now feeling violated and alone she is thinking unhealthy thoughts, now the mask is off and she is exposed. The question on whether she keep fighting or fall back. Now let’s keep it real the harder she fights the more destruction comes to her. Folks told her to turn to the Lord but when she looks out the Good are punished and the wicked win. She has lost faith and to be honest she is angry at God. Angry that he chose her to be so strong until she is weak. He who art in heaven built her so strong that the Black man leaves her to raise their babies on her own. She is mad that she has to be all to everybody. She is full of resentment, she full of hurt so deep that it will take years to fix those wounds.

She isn't suppose to be angry. She isn’t suppose to be sad. She is suppose to be fearful. Well who is she suppose to be? She is suppose to mask the missing pieces, smile and pretend her life is golden. Once again Black women don't fall apart she become the typical stereotype of being pissed the fuck off. Her smile is stolen, her spirit is broken and now she is jaded and throwing shade keeps her safe. She is all cried out, all the pressure and pain has made her numb. Believing pain is a way of life, feeling trap in chains and more pieces of her puzzle are still lost.

Falling pieces each time some lover broke her heart. Falling pieces of the days she was turned down and told no of endeavors. Years of chain to poverty. Years she wasn’t accepted. Years she was told she wasn’t good enough. The days she build herself up with positive affirmation only to broken down by a person reminding her she ain’t worth shit.

Somebody better find the many missing pieces of she or we may lose another jewel.

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