Is Self-Awareness More Important Than Self-Love?

Reflecting on how the ability to recognize and improve upon one’s flaws stems from self-love

“Self-love is a good thing, but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in awhile go, ‘Uh, I’m kind of an a**hole.’” -Louis C.K.

The above quote is from one of my favorite comedians, Louis C.K. I love his comedy, and a lot of comedy in general, because while it seems funny on the surface, it is saturated with a lot of truth. And this particular quote is one that I feel has become particularly relevant in my life, and probably for many others as well.

“Self-love” has certainly seemed to be a buzzword in recent years. I’ve seen plenty of articles talking about the importance of self-love- of taking care of your own needs, being kind to yourself, and knowing that it is ok and good to engage in activities that make you feel good and loved and renewed. I’ve had my own journey in self-love. I certainly struggled with low self-esteem and there have been times in my life when I have been bad about loving myself. But lately, I feel as though I’m on the upswing when it comes to self-love and self-care.

What is important to recognize, however, is that loving oneself is not the final destination. In my opinion, self-love starts with the individual, and once achieved, ripples outwards and affects many others in positive ways. When we get to know ourselves deeply, and reach a deeper understanding of ourselves, it becomes much easier for us to do so with others.

In my opinion, an important step to take after honing the practice of self-love is working on reaching a deeper level of self-awareness. This is the point where you realize that yes, you are good, but yes, there is still plenty of room for improvement. Before one begins to practice self-love, the concept of needing to improve can be scary. It can be daunting. It is easy to see all the areas in which we need to improve not as opportunities for growth, but as anxiety-inducing tasks that must be completed in order for us to be worthy of our own love, and the love of others.

When we have made self-love a part of our lives, however, self-awareness becomes easier. Self-love gives us a baseline of positive and graceful thinking towards our own selves as individuals. This attitude gives us the courage to recognize our flaws and take the steps needed to improve upon them. With self-love, we do not base our self worth on the ability to overcome flaws. Instead, we are able to recognize all the wonderful parts of ourselves while still knowing that it is important to be open and honest with ourselves about what we’d like to be better about.

As Louis CK said, part of this is having the ability to sometimes go “Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.” As mentioned before, self-love has a positive domino effect with all of the other relationships in our lives. And with interpersonal relationships, there is a lot of room for conflict, and for mistakes to be made. It is important to be able to recognize when we’ve messed up, and to acknowledge that- not only to ourselves, but to others. We need to be able to distinguish between our mistakes and our characters. Admitting to a wrongdoing does not mean you are admitting to being a bad person. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Admitting to a wrongdoing conveys that you genuinely value the relationship in question, enough to admit that you may have been wrong but are willing to accept that and take steps to make things better. I truly believe that communication problems are the root of most conflict between people, and if we could all practice a bit more self-love that leads to self-awareness, we would have much better relationships.

I find this concept to be particularly relevant lately, as now more than ever it seems that people are struggling to communicate, to find common ground, and to be open to alternative ideas. The concept of self-love and self-awareness ties in here in addressing the importance of being able to be wrong, and to change your opinions. Nobody should be punished for having an opinion that may be harmful, if they seek to learn, and grow, and are willing to be open to other ideas- including the idea that their initial opinion may have been off.

So let’s all make an effort, in an act of kindness towards ourselves and others, to love ourselves so much that we are open to being wrong. To stop tying our mistakes to our self-worth. And to be supportive of others in their journey in self-love and self-awareness.