Patience is a Virtue
…Just not one I have.
Some of my closer friends have noticed that I’m Type A. So have some strangers. So, probably, have any aliens potentially scoping out our planet for invasion (not those aliens, @realDonaldTrump).
What I’m saying is, I generally lack subtlety when it comes to my Type A tendencies, most specifically with my preference for planning. I don’t necessarily care what that plan is, where it takes me or even whom it’s with — as long as I have some idea of what it’ll be before it’s under way.
Being Type A comes with some nice benefits: people with this personality type are generally considered to be more reliable, time-oriented, outgoing, competitive, self-starting and organized than those with the more relaxed, go-with-the-flow, spontaneous Type B personality. But even just from that incredibly brief overview, you might be able to sense some issues when it comes to being too strongly Type A (or Type B).
Recently, I’ve been personally confronted with some of the challenges my Type A personality can bring to surface when I allow it to take over aspects of my life to an unnecessary extent. If you share this personality type, perhaps you relate: friendships can be strained, anxiety can mount and thoughts can pull your mind in every direction until it becomes so thinly stretched that you can barely function with any depth whatsoever. If I could identify one character trait that lies at the crux of these issues, it’s impatience.
“Impatient optimist” — two words that describe me pretty completely, or so I’ve been told and as has been confirmed by my Instagram and Twitter bios. Things might be nice now, but what’s next? How will it be better? Worse? Where will it take me? When? With whom? What will I do when I’m there? How will I change? Who will I be? How can I make it even better? Questions in the Type A mind are endless. And it’s overwhelming.
“Stop. Breathe.” — two concepts with which I struggle almost entirely. If I stop, I’m not doing anything to move myself forward, and if I don’t move myself forward, who or what will? And who has time to breathe, anyway? Have you ever watched Friends? I am Monica — for better or worse.
I recently moved to Puerto Rico on a relative whim (after about 3 months of solidifying plans…a whim by my Type A personality standards) to pursue a job opportunity. A temporary job, about 6 months in duration — the perfect amount of time to explore a new place, make new friends, maybe a few business connections, then return to mainland U.S. and start (continue?) a career with a renewed sense of perhaps what I want to do and how I want to do it. After a month of waiting in Puerto Rico (“waiting” here meaning constantly emailing, texting, and I kid you not calling the Puerto Rican Film Commission to find the offices the company had leased for the extent of their production to show up in-person because, HELLO, I don’t do waiting), I learned that the position had fallen through.
So, now what? Potential connections are lost, my 6-month plan (ha) has crashed and burned, and my purpose here in Puerto Rico seems lost. For anyone thinking I’m crazy, you’re probably right…and likely not a Type A personality.
But strangely, I haven’t been as calm as I am now since I got here.
Things don’t work out. Things fall through. Things are unreliable.
This is when Type A personalities panic. We (I) love change. Change is great. Change means growth and new challenges. But that change had better be something we planned or at least planned for. Outside of this scope, change is awful, change is shattering, change is unwanted and entirely unacceptable.
But this is also when Type A personalities shine. The competitive side breaks the surface (not so much against other people, but rather against the odds — they don’t stand a chance), the drive kicks into all 16 cylinders (yes, I am comparing my drive to a Bugatti Veyron, which has — as far as my somewhat limited research has turned up — the highest number of cylinders on a commercially produced vehicle), and the self-starter comes out in full force.
Here’s the thing, though: I’ve realized that I need to set these things aside and take a moment, take a breath, stop and reflect upon who I am, who I want to be, and who I can become before deciding what I might want the next step to be. I have the tendency, as many Type A personalities do, to jump into things for the sake of taking an action, achieving a goal, completing a task. I don’t have the patience to learn about myself in an independent, internal way; only ever have I learned about who I am through my reaction to a situation, my fulfillment of a function.
Patience is a virtue that, if you don’t have, you need to adopt. I’m in that process right now, and it’s far from easy. Having the patience to recognize that reflection is not time wasted — even if it doesn’t churn out measurable or tangible results; that to be introspective and content in my current situation, whatever that may be, is not an opportunity lost — even if I’m not actively pursuing the next step. Learning is an action. Stopping is a step. Breathing is a life-giving albeit subconscious process that, when made intentional, can open your eyes to that which you didn’t previously recognize.
Perhaps the most important outcomes of gaining the ability to be patient are the acts of being present and appreciating what you’re surrounded by. I’m fortunate enough to be in a beautiful place with new friends around me (and old friends only a phone call or FaceTime away). I have a job that allows me free housing and savings from my work over the past few years that allows me to live comfortably (though far from extravagantly) in this new setting that has already become another home to me.
Being patient doesn’t require you to lose your drive, only to postpone your sense of urgency momentarily. It doesn’t require you to give up your hyper-organized life, only to allow the world to open doors for you that you would not otherwise have realized were there to be walked through.
What better time to stop and breathe?
