The Inner Game of Language Learning
If you’ve ever tried to learn a new language in adulthood, you know it’s a challenge. Conjugations, vocabulary, grammar, phonetics…it’s all hard. In addition to the struggle of learning the new language, whatever it may be, there’s another struggle you have to engage — the struggle with yourself.
I’ve been learning Spanish since December of 2016, inconsistently at first but with greater focus over the last few years. Honestly, I thought I’d be further along by now. Much further along. When I first started, I envisioned myself chatting casually with Spanish hablantes nativos within a couple of years. It was an unrealistic expectation, to say the least.
Part of the problem is that I seriously underestimated the difficulty involved in learning Spanish. Español is a hard language to learn, with all its grammatical quirks that make it much more complicated than American English. Those who have studied it know how frustrating it is to agonize over which to-be verb to use, which past tense to use, or whether por or para are appropriate in what context. I won’t go into the morbid details.
Lesson 1: Realistic Expectations
The first lesson in the inner game of language learning, therefore, is setting realistic expectations. Whatever language you are planning to learn, know that it is not going to be quick or easy. It’s safe to say it’s going to take more effort and more time than you think, probably a lot more.
Language teachers do not usually inform their beginning students of how hard learning a language is for adults, or how long it takes, because setting realistic expectations might reduce the number of students who try to learn a language. I’ve never once heard a Spanish teacher tell a student how long it takes to learn Spanish to a reasonable level of fluency. In part, it’s hard to say because it depends on how hard the student works, their natural aptitude for language learning, and the quality of instruction. But still, language teachers rarely disabuse their students of the idea that it will be quick and easy.
For example, many Spanish students start out thinking that it will be fun to learn Spanish because Spanish people are supposedly happy and fun-loving, and therefore learning their language will be a happy and fun-filled experience. They think it’s all about the paella, sangria, and flamenco. Stereotypes aside, this is wrong. There will certainly be fun moments along the way, but there will also be a lot of work and a lot of frustration. Which brings me to the next lesson in the Inner Game of Language Learning: patience and perseverance.
Lesson 2: Patience and Perseverance
There is very little instant gratification involved in language learning. What there is is a lot of mistakes, moments when you can’t recall a word, and instances when you simply do not have enough grammar to express a thought you can easily express in your native language. It’s frustrating when you know exactly what you want to say and just can’t say it.
Of course, along the way you will have little victories, like when you get a conjugation right after screwing it up fifty-three times. But those are occasional victories interspersed with a lot of failures. Get used to it. You will need more patience and perseverance than you can readily imagine in order to learn a new language.
This is all to say that the language learning process is a slow one. It’s that old issue of two steps forward, one step back. No sooner do you learn a new word or phrase than you forget it and have to go running back to your dictionary to remind yourself. Unless you have a fantastic memory, you will be forever learning, forgetting, and relearning the same words and phrases, so that you feel a bit like Sysyphus pushing a rock uphill, only to push it back over and over again. Persistence is a must.
Lesson 3: Motivation is Crucial
You must be entirely clear that you really, really want to learn the language you are learning, cross your heart and hope to die. This means having a compelling reason to learn the language, such as a desire to travel to countries where the language is spoken, or a desire to communicate with people who speak that language, or wanting to communicate with a life partner who speaks the language. Or, alternatively, in the case of the polyglots of the world, having a deep love for languages and language learning and wanting to put another notch in your belt is sufficient motivation.
Whatever it is, your desire must be strong because if it isn’t, the slings and arrows involved in the process of learning a new language will ultimately slay you. You’ll start thinking of all the things you might be doing with your time and money other than learning about irregular past participles or the appropriate use of the subjunctive mood. At some point you’ll start assessing the ROI involved in learning a new language, and without a strong reason for wanting to learn a new language, the ROI won’t look good and you’ll give up. But if your goal is clear and your motivation strong, you will continue.
Step 4: Humility is a Must
Language learning in adulthood is a lesson in humility. If you have a big ego and can’t stand a little public embarrassment, you won’t like learning a new language, at least not the conversational part. If all you want to do is read and write in the target language, this won’t apply to you. But if your goal is to have conversations with native speakers of the language, it is unavoidable.
This has been a big struggle for me in learning Spanish, although I am slowly making progress. Whether you are in the classroom or venturing out into the real world with your nascent language skills, you will have to expose yourself to the judgments of others and the subsequent embarrassment when you misunderstand what someone says, or call a computer a fork, or all you can say is, ¡Si! in response to a question you’ve been asked.
The late psychologist Albert T. Ellis created shame-attacking exercises to help people overcome their fear of being judged by others. He would have people do strange things in public like wearing condoms all over their body and telling people they were pretending to be a rubber tree. You can view language learning as a shame-attacking exercise in which you deliberately embarrass yourself in order to make progress in speaking the target language. In this way, language learning can be a therapy for those who want to overcome their fears of being judged. In any case, you will have to overcome your fears of judgment and criticism to practice using a new language. There is simply no other way to learn to speak without exposing yourself this way.
Lesson 4: Celebrate Your Progress
If I’ve made language learning sound like a miserable process, I don’t mean to. I only want to give you a good idea of what it’s like so you won’t be easily discouraged when the going gets tough and the progress is slow. Let me assure you that there are feel-good moments along the way. You will have successes like using past tenses properly or communicating an idea clearly enough for someone else to understand it. You will notice over time that your vocabulary is growing and that you are able to understand more of what people are saying.
Thus it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate your growth as a language-learner. It may be more incremental than you had hoped, which means you need to be deliberate about recognizing that all the baby steps you’ve been taking are indeed leading you further down the path you want to be on. You are in fact getting somewhere, and appreciating that will serve as encouragement to continue.
I have nothing to say about the best methods for learning languages, as this is a subject I am not qualified to speak about. However, as an experienced language learner, I can say that getting your head straight about the challenges of language learning will definitely aid you in your language-learning efforts. The inner game of language learning is just as important as the learning process itself, and with the right attitude, you are more likely to achieve your learning goals rather than give up and quit.
