First Bites, Cultural Chaos, and Mango
I’m sure every mom has been here. Especially if you’re a mommy that happens to be very opinionated and have read every new parenting book, children’s blog, and while you’re at it, you have a degree in pediatric nutrition. You know everything and I mean everything in the baby world, right? I mean, especially if you’re a dietitian AND lactation consultant.
You feel on top of the world. And, then, you fall. Because you’re a parent. And a new one at that. This happened to me last week, and while it’s no fun to reminiscence in past failures, I believe it’s important. Not everyone is perfect; we’re all flawed. Even the most prestigious doctor or the wisest wise men, we all can learn something from others.
I don’t know if I’ve ever shared, but my husband and I have created a multicultural blend within our little one. My husband was born in Nicaragua; I am whitey American. Our little Bodie is (hopefully) the best of both worlds.
However, though I love my husband and his family, there have been many difficulties in having a blended family that I had not anticipated on. The biggest issue for me (surprise surprise) has been in regards to infant nutrition. For example, in South America it is common to give sugar water to babies to help them sleep at night. As a dietitian who is ADAMANT about not offering children sugar-sweetened beverages, you can imagine how my internal radar just went off. When my mother-in-law offered this tidbit of advice to get Bodie to sleep, it was like she said, “Here Petra, would you like to give your child diabetes?” Seriously- it’s what I heard regardless.
There have been other morsels of advice that has just set my hairs on edge as an early nutrition expert, and I have quickly begun to discredit her advice. Her knowledge is useless, wrong, and outdated. What insights can be valuable?
Bodie ate his first baby food with no incident (though also with not much gusto since it was pureed zucchini). His second mouthful he enjoyed a bit more with pureed red beans and sweet potato. His third offering of food, I had just returned from California with some great goodies- fresh avocado, banana, and mango. It was go big or go home time. I pureed everything and was so excited to give it to Bodie the next day.
The next day Bodie went to his grandma’s house with my strict instructions “Give a few spoonfuls, 2 to 3, after you feed him some breastmilk” and off I was on my way to work. I came to get him later that day “Bodie ate half the container of baby food.” And my stomach turned in knots.
5 days. That’s how long my poor baby did not poo. Now, constipation is a common side effect of starting solid foods, but come on. I was furious. I yelled at my husband for his Mom feeding Bodie too much at one time, especially before we knew how he’d react. I texted his mom telling them their faults and I’d teach them how to properly feed my child. It was a Mommy-warpath and I was on it. What was their problem? Why couldn’t they just listen to me?? I KNOW BEST!
After the dust had settled, my husband got a text from his Mom simply saying, “Mango always gives me problems.” Walter didn’t tell me for a few days, but when he did, I got upset again. Why didn’t his Mother tell me this? It’s obvious if a family member has a food allergy that it’s more likely that their offspring will to. Why didn’t they just talk to me?
Why? Well first of all, because maybe it’s NOT that obvious. I have immersed myself in this knowledge, not everyone else has. What is common sense to me may not be for others. Sometimes it’s hard to turn off our own blinders to accurately understand the situation. Another reason? Wildly enough, even though I have been a brat, Walter’s family respected my opinion so much that they figured I knew better than they did in regards to food- so they said nothing. And they also knew that I had begun to discredit their advice and, with that, their culture.
This hurt me. Though I want my child to be his own and be one with his American pride, I of course do want him to know about where his family came from. And I was standing in the door frame with my rules and expectations, hindering education of cultural lessons as well as in having an open relationship with his family and I.
Opening lines of communication is so important with anyone, but especially with family. Though it was sadly at the expense of Bodie, but this situation taught us all, as a whole family, how to communicate better. Out of a slight disaster came togetherness. And those are really the best types of stories, right? Now I can’t say that anytime soon I will be able to loosen my holds on traditional nutrition values, I can say that I am working on talking to his family more and finding out why. Why does your culture do things in a certain way, where did that come from?
It’s amazing what you can learn when you just ask why.
Hope you all have a fabulous Thursday, and ask someone why today.
XOXOXO,
– Petra
Originally published at mommiesnmunchkins.net.
