Things The Pregnancy Books Get Wrong (or Simply Fail to Mention)
As you’re scouring the earth for all the best pregnancy advice, take these insider tips to heart.
The day after I confirmed my pregnancy with a doctor and broke the news to Daddy, I took my glowing self to the bookstore. Thumbing through 10 or 11 options, I went with the trendy pregnancy book standard other moms had recommended to me, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” When I got it home and really started to turn pages, I wasn’t super impressed; a lot of the information in there was very common-sense based, universal, and even incredibly basic in spots. And I’m not someone who’s ever spent time with a newborn or researched pregnancy before.
Over the months of my pregnancy, I looked to this and that resource, searching aimlessly for new information. I read other pregnancy guides on Scribd, listened to audiobooks, downloaded pregnancy tracker apps like The Bump and Preglife, and found the same information time and again. The advice was either way too broad and general, or too narrow and personal. For example, “The Baby Bump” by Carley Roney promises “100s of secrets for surviving those 9 months,” but contained both a regurgitation of what’s already out there, plus the author’s one-sided experience that left me feeling disconnected. (She hired a night nurse straight out of the gate to help her care for her newborn!) Don’t get me wrong — there were definitely some tidbits I could use. But I found much more valuable stuff mining the minds of moms I knew and trusted, and straight up asking my doctor about the big question marks.
I suppose it’s impossible to get all the good deets into one medium, so I offer you the advice of knocking on many different doors as I did, and making a list for the things you’re not sure about. Also, don’t trust what you read or hear as fact. Every blossoming body is very unique, and a lot of these resources are assembled by non-medical professionals. Just like you, the authors were out Googling and looking for viable directives — and unfortunately, a lot of the recommendations out there today are quite outdated.
I want to share a list of things to be aware of that might make you feel a little less caught off guard as you grow your tiny human! Here goes…
- Most “foods to avoid” lists are overblown. In my newly pregnant body, I Googled every type of food before it made its way into my mouth. I spent countless hours looking up ingredients, and let me tell you, you can find practically any food, spice, etc. printed with the words “likely unsafe” or “unconfirmed as safe,” which is enough to make you paranoid about everything. I threw away a freshly-squeezed celery/lemon juice after I remembered reading fresh juice is a no-no. Once I even headed to the toilet to expel some bean sprouts that a vegan restaurant threw on my salad, when I read that raw sprouts could harbor harmful bacteria. An overaction, I later found out, since the rates of food poisoning are miniscule. You’ll read that Caesar dressing is off-limits, but guess what? Lots of websites won’t tell you that only applies to house-made dressings that use unpasteurized raw egg. Most commercial dressings have been pasteurized and are totally safe. It sucks to be staring hungrily at a beautifully dressed Caesar salad your spouse just tossed together with a store-bought dressing and have to pass because you Googled the brand and scoured the internet and you just can’t find anyone to tell it to you straight. Also, many if not all herbs and spices might appear in print as potentially unsafe simply because of lack of data and government regulation, but it usually comes with the caveat of “medicinal grade quantities.” I didn’t drink ginger tea the whole time because I found some sites stating ginger can be harmful, because I had it in my brain that there was any doubt, I wasn’t touching it. What do you know, ginger can actually do wonders for nausea during pregnancy if used in food (normal people) quantities. So keep it simple, stick to the basic lists on trusted sites and don’t go hunting for something to be dangerous. If it’s not on the list, you’re probably good. Look at MayoClinic.org and FoodSafety.gov, not Healthline and WebMD.
- You can lay on your back! ALL of the apps and books say laying on your left side is best after the first trimester, and caution against laying flat on your back, as it is said to compress the arteries that deliver oxygen to baby. But this outdated standard was put to the test when I brought it up to my doctor (the head of the high-risk program at my hospital). “Not necessary,” she said, “at least not all the time. That’s a bit of a misnomer.” She advised me to use a wedge pillow under one hip to help alleviate the strain in the third trimester. I used to wake up on my back in a panic, thinking I’d harmed the little one, but it’s another one of those head trips that you just don’t need to take. I wish I’d known that it was perfectly safe in my second trimester, but now it’s honestly just too uncomfortable to lay flat.
- At some point, you won’t be able to, um, wipe effectively. Ah, the not-so-romantic side of pregnancy! At about the start of my third trimester, I had a bump that was manageable, but in the way. Not only did I seem to drop food on my belly daily, requiring frequent shirt changes, but going to the bathroom was a longer, more involved process that required a bit of strategy. The problem is you can’t do a thorough sweep with the baby mound blocking your access. My advice? Do several passes with the toilet paper and keep a package of wet wipes near the throne to finish with a clean sweep. Oh and you’ll need to stock up on undies — since during most of the journey, you’ll go through 2–3 or more pairs a day thanks to hormone-spurred discharge and urine leaks.
- The standard kick counting recommendations are off. In the mid-to-late third trimester, it’s recommended that you track baby’s movements to ensure health and well-being. Most resources will tell you you should feel 10 movements in an hour’s time. But wait, one app just stated that baby sleeps 80–90% of the time, so how’s he gonna wiggle every hour if he’s in dreamland? I ran it by my doctor and she said the new standard is more liberal: 6–8 movements on average every 2 hours. They generally sleep for short bursts at a time, so this accounts for some latitude. I haven’t counted yet, because my bean is so active. If it’s been awhile since you’ve felt something, this trick works: lay on your left side, try talking or singing to your tummy, feel around and gently push on any protruding baby parts. Usually you can spark a wiggle or two!
- Ultrasounds are a bit jarring / Baby is less vulnerable than you think. My first ultrasound at 20 weeks surprised me for one reason — the tech applied a heavy amount of pressure to the wand and really rubbed my belly good. Apparently, it’s necessary roughness in order to get clear images. I’d been careful with my belly and really hadn’t realized just how insulated baby is. Moving forward, even as your belly grows and you start to actually feel little hands and feet poking out, you don’t need to handle your bump with kid gloves. Don’t worry about bumping into things; light to even hard pressure shouldn’t hurt baby since the uterine fortress is amply cushioned with amniotic fluid. That being said, go see a doc or to the ER if you sustain a worrisome fall or other type of injury.
- Weight gain numbers are averages only. At 32 weeks, two different apps told me my baby should be the size of a squash, and the size of an Elmo doll (what?). They’ll give you a length and weight measurement for every week, but know that these are gross approximations. Also, baby books and apps love to say mom should gain 25–35 lbs max, and scare you by detailing potential dangers of too much weight gain. I’m sitting here 40 lbs heavier at week 35, perfectly healthy with the blood pressure (and oversized baby) to prove it. Don’t take these numbers to heart! Every body is drastically different, and your doctor will let you know if anything is off. Eat healthy, get as much exercise as feels right and “don’t borrow trouble,” as my mom says.
- You don’t need half the baby gear the books and apps say you do. Keep in mind that a lot of these resources are “pregnancy platforms” with integrated websites, apps, books, etc. — all powered by advertising dollars. And the ones that are not, take with a grain of salt also, because some authors have different thresholds of how they are willing to rise to the challenge of motherhood. For instance, one author shamelessly promotes products like the “Miracle Blanket” that no DIY mom on a budget would be into, and Moses Baskets that my mom regards as “basically useless.” If you’re into convenience, sure go ahead and get some of those instant swaddlers with the velcro, or whatever else makes sense for your budget, but just know that you can definitely raise a happy, healthy child without all the bells and whistles. At first I was convinced I needed a bassinet, crib, pack n’ play and separate changing pad, then settled on a pack n’ play with an infant bed, changing table and toddler bed integrated. Three products in one!
- Months 7–9, dress for comfort. Getting a few pants with stretchy belly panels early in pregnancy will be worthwhile when your belly is mid-sized. But do yourself a favor and buy a few pairs that are one-to-two sizes larger than you think you need so the panel won’t be too tight. A pair of maternity overalls from The Gap was my go-to outfit for months 4 to 8. Once your belly becomes giant, you won’t want any extra pressure on it, so look for loose-fitting clothing. Opt for light, stretchy dresses and oversized shorts and tanks if your third trimester falls in summer.
I hope the above tips have given you some helpful intel that you can use to make your journey a little easier. Another thing most of these pregnancy resources leave out? Your mama’s intuition is in full effect! Trust your instincts, know that you’re already a good mom because you care enough to want to do everything right, and tap the women in your life often to share their wisdom.
