Finding The Right Balance Between Two Attention-Seekers- Baby vs Spouse
As new parents, the transformation from being a couple to new parents is a joyous one — but it is also coupled with multiple challenges and surprises in store! The demands of the newborn take a toll on your health, peace of mind, sleeping patterns, energy levels and most importantly on your personal relationship with your spouse.
For most of the new parents, it means absolutely no “WE” time at all. To the extent that they do not even get a chance to have eye contact and give a relaxed hug. Everything is hurried or forgotten. New parents very often wonder how to keep their relationship strong while they are swept up in the needs and care of the baby. These are some Things That We Do To Take Care Of Each Other As New Parents that express your love and concern for each other:-
How’s Your Day? What’s Interesting?
Four years and counting. I’ve asked my husband every single day, “How’s your day? What’s interesting?” With exceptions of none. And while this may sound monotonous to some, gladly we never were bored. Except on some really dull days when we had nothing exciting to speak about. Mums crave to listen to their kids when they discuss the day’s happenings and events at school. It gives the kids a feeling that they are being cared for. The Same thing also holds good for the new parents too. Spending time with your partner by sharing your happenings at the workplace, or some interesting chat with friends, your feelings or worries will make your bond stronger. Get involved in a short talk with your partner for at least 10 minutes. This has worked wonders for me.
Be An Equal Parent
Easier said than done. It is very easy for the father to assume that the mother can and should handle the kids and chores. Vice versa, even the mother might feel that she is in total control of the house and need not interfere with other pressing matters relating to finance, paying bills, etc. They both take each other for granted. It is important that the partners pay attention to each other’s viewpoint and respect it. Make you wife feel loved. Help her out with meals for the child or take care of 1 or 2 subjects at school. There is always a probability that you might be able to strike a middle way to every problem. There will always be commitments at work that need immediate attention. That on which you invest time grows. Invest some time in your relationship. It will grow.
Winkle out Your Arguments Before Going to Bed
It is not uncommon to have differences in opinion; two minds are bound to have two different opinions. It is in the best interest of both the parents that they speak out their minds and get things sorted out before they hit the bed and seal it with a kiss As medics suggest that a peaceful mind is bound to have a peaceful and a rejuvenating sleep. Do not hold on to any grudges, confess to your partner and allow him/her to speak to. This will ease out the tension and Jadoo ki Jhappi works wonders!
Don’t Sweat Over Small Stuff
It is okay if the dishes are kept for later! It is okay for kids to self-serve when you are out with your friends after 4 long months! It’s okay if the kids can skip their milk once in a while! It is okay for your husband to forget to get the clothes from the dry cleaner! It’s okay to let go of an irrational comment made by your mother-in-law! Yes, it does! Life is short. Keep it simple. Raising up a family is no mean task. It is a struggle coupled with fun and loving moments as well! So don’t sweat the small stuff, as they say. Do not get worked up for every little thing. You are a wonderful mother, wife, daughter and probably a daughter-in-law as well. Stop blaming yourself. If you let small things bother you constantly, they will get the better off you.
Get Your Partner Involved as Much as Possible
This is one thing which the men refrain from doing — “Getting Involved”. In their opinion, the mother has ample time to finish her chores and attend to the baby as well, as she stays at home. They fail to realize that every mother needs a breather. So helping her in changing nappies, burping or even holding the baby for some time, while she gets the house cleaned up. These little gestures will help you strengthen your bonding with the baby as well!
Communicate and Be Honest
Every relationship demands communication and honesty. There is nothing to hide or conceal from the other. Transparency about your intentions, wishes or state of mind is very important; talk it out. Be frank — in every likelihood your relationship will blossom and remain young forever. If you are feeling terrible about something, speak your heart out. Do not pile it up — it will burst out like a Volcano. Show of hands please, ladies!
Make Time for Each Other
No matter how busy you are, take out some “WE” time and enjoy life, because you live only once! Your newborn demands most of your time and energy, well that is unavoidable. But, do not let-go the bi-weekly dinners and movies that you enjoyed as a couple. Take a trip down the memory lane and share wonderful moments that you cherished before you were blessed with a baby. Let face-to-face time be not “Time For War” but “Time For Love”.
Get Creative
Surprise! My first pointer and this one rank high on the chart! Do the unexpected like –
1) Make a surprise visit to the office if it’s close by.
2) Bake a cake or a dessert you haven’t made in 2 years — Something he always loved and craved.
3) Revamp your wardrobe — Get a closet that will make head-turn in the next party you tag along with him. Look younger. Feel younger. It will not be long until he boasts you with compliments, you may blush and things may feel like how they were 9 years ago
4) Take up a sport, join an aerobics or go for a jog every morning.
5) How about planning a candlelight dinner for each other after the baby goes to sleep? Not a bad idea after all. We’d love to hear from you. How do you add the spark to your life? How do you take care of each other? When is the last time you surprised him? If you haven’t lately, now is the time.
Do show your appreciation by clapping below and do write to us, in the comments below, if you want to share some tips which helped you.
Originally published at www.babygogo.in on August 31, 2017.
