Trivial matters…

Trivial matters become huge at times. I have been observing them over some time. For the sake of discussion here, I would like to call them as TM for simplicity. Fights of my children over small matters are legendary. These would start as a whimper, and very soon they would be cyclones. In no time, my house is a war zone. I have seen many of my relatives fighting over small matters. Two of my uncles, who are own brothers, are known for daily fights on trivial issues. They acquired names of Vaali and Sugriva, the characters in the epic Ramayana for their eternal matches. Both are no more now, and their children continue the tradition even now.

I know a young couple in a house who are at bitter ends for days on a tiny matter of sharing the kitchen duties. In all the relations, the dispute over small issues is widespread. Fights with neighbours, matches between brothers are very common. These disconnects stay for years. Many take positions and want to settle scores. They assume that time will take care. For some, it is a daily fuel for survival, and several others are watching the fun. History tells us that kingdoms disappeared because of small matters.

The problem is enormous for the newly married and young lovers. They test mutual trust through these TMs. Delays in reaching a particular restaurant, not responding to the calls and messages are good examples. I have also known a few who measure the cycle time of responses on what’s up, and they are upset if the other end is not prompt. The self-help book, First Things First by Stephen Covey, comes very handy here. A moment of choice is a moment of truth. There is only a short moment to exercise your option.

TMs have fascinating attributes.

• These are tiny. A spoken word, an unwanted gesture and an unwarranted body language are good examples. A little extra salt in the food, an extra curry leaf in Upma and weak decoction for a coffee cup are household stories which could catch fire.
• These are insignificant. In order of importance, they do not exist. If you draw up a Pareto, these will lie practically on the X-axis.
• TMs are random. You will not know when these appear. Sometimes, you will not realise it. Either morning or an evening or a holiday do not make any difference.
• They gain strength with time. If you do not pay attention to time, these become larger and will be challenging to handle. You will come to the situation of killing a fly with an axe, and I mean it.
• There are no secure solutions, and these are not unique. These depend on the time. Many say time is the healer. But I’m afraid I have to disagree.
• TMs disturb the mental balance. Some times you will get mad ‘literally’. They will occupy all your mind all the time if not resolved on time. They will not let you do anything else.

How to deal with TMs? What are the strategies?

• Nip them in the bud. Learn to be aware of their presence. The trick is to know when these are occurring. You will not know most of the times.
• Listen. Listen and listen. Increase your learning capacity. You will hear about this by several communication experts, gurus and motivational experts.
• Take them head-on. There are no short cuts. Do not try to keep them in the refrigerator. They ferment faster than wine. These have the same colour and flavour as gossip.
• Share with the trusted. Sharing with others will help. You need to pick your partner. It will be a disaster if your partner is another whats’up forwarder.
• Learn to let go. It is a great strategy. It isn’t effortless to learn and practice. Women and men with wisdom will tell you; it is straightforward. But this is not easy. I have not been very successful though I have tried many times.
• Journal them. Writing down the challenge and the resolution will help in the long run. Reflection on some of the content could shape the thinking process.
• Create small boxes for TMs. Write them down and drop the chits in the boxes. Open them on a mutually agreed day in a week. I am sure you will have a lot of fun reading them aloud with your partners.

I would like to hear from the readers if there are some innovative ways of dealing with TMs.

We transition into a new decade soon. Technology dominated the world in the last decade with uber, Instagrams and Evs. Many heads of the governments used Twitter. Cities became choked and several preferred online buying. Populism dominated the world. Many exciting changes have taken place.

As we step into the new decade, I wish all my readers Happy Holidays and a very prosperous New Year!