“Family Values” is a Code …
for anti-gay, anti-feminist, anti-Black rights
“Family values” (a.k.a. “traditional family values”) sound healthy, foundational, and even patriotic.
Unfortunately, this noble phrase has become a code for inequality for gays, women, and Blacks. Let’s peek behind the curtain of goodness and explore why this phrase is a concern to many people.
Family Values
This phrase has taken hold in America since the 1950s. It generally evoked images of a happy dad, mom, and child. Post World War II, America brought soldiers home — and they married and produced so many kids that their generation is called “the baby boomers.” Wholesome television shows promoted the standard of a hardworking, White husband who “brought home the bacon” to his adoring stay-at-home White wife. She, in turn, dressed in pearls, made dinner, and reared obedient “good” kids. Just check out one of my favorite television shows of my youth: “Leave it to Beaver.”
What’s not to like about responsible dads who impart wisdom to their kids (cue up “Father Knows Best”)? Likewise, a stable home of never-divorced parents and caring moms seems better than broken, divorced homes with patchwork kids coming in and out.
Beginning in 1977, the Christian organization “Focus on the Family” championed the “family values” phrase and the images described above. I would know: I was one of their vice presidents for eight years.
The “family values” phrase also became a buzz motto (like “woke” is today) among Evangelical Protestants and Republicans. Those two huge institutions have been “bedfellows” for the past 70 years. Their bond is mutually serving. Evangelicals want laws that protect the Christian, straight, patriarchal, White model. Meanwhile, Republicans well know that their primary demographic for being elected is White Evangelicals. Case in point, 84% of White Evangelicals voted for President Trump in 2020.
I am White. I was also Evangelical for almost 45 years. My family consisted of my stay-at-home wife, our two kids, and a hierarchal leadership system. My wife and I stayed married for 41 years. Our kids always earned heaping praise from their teachers and sports coaches — and they are very healthy, successful adults today.
Until six years ago, I had no reason to see any wrongness in the “family values” phrase nor its core meaning (i.e., non-divorced couples, stay-at-home moms, gay marriage is bad, White majority system).
Then my wife died of cancer in 2017.
And my whole “worldview” reversed itself.
I had known that I had same-sex attraction since age 12. However, I did not identify with the term “gay” and opposed gay marriage. I had viewed feminism as a liberal evil and saw no need to understand Black history.
Now, I proudly call myself “gay” and am married to my husband. I now believe in women’s right to full equality. And my husband is Black — and I have learned a ton about Black oppression and institutional racism [of note, I am a big fan of “The 1619 Project”].
So, having formally thrived in the Evangelical Republican camp, I now disclose their code for “Family Values.”
Anti-Gay Rights
Bluntly, gay Christians do not have the same rights within the Evangelical churches as straight Christians. Gay Christians cannot marry in an Evangelical church. They often cannot hold any leadership position (see “Southern Baptist Convention” — the largest Evangelical denomination). Likewise, in many Evangelical churches, “out” gay Christians may not be allowed to be baptized (or baptize their children), serve communion, or attend marriage prep classes.
Simply, it is a straight world within Evangelicalism.
Furthermore, Evangelicals can refuse to serve gays, and (if known) gays are sometimes fired by Evangelicals from their jobs — simply because of their orientation.
Sadly, the highest form of discrimination against gays comes from the Evangelical community.
And since Republicans want the Evangelical votes, then Republicans spew their prejudice against gays too. In today’s political election season, many Republican candidates want to prevent gay kids from learning about their gay sexuality in school courses — while promoting sex education for straight kids. Books that speak positively of gays are being banned in conservative schools and libraries.
It seems that Evangelical Republicans want to prevent anyone from knowing what it is like to be gay — as though gays are an evil, despicable flaw among the healthy straights.
Thus, when Evangelicals in church — or Republican politicians on the campaign trail — say they stand for “family values,” you now know they mean preventing gay rights and stigmatizing gays in general.
Shame on them.
Anti-Women’s Rights
A feminist is “an advocate of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes.”
Fact: women do not hold the same rights as men in America. Currently, the Equal Rights Amendment has not been ratified by the Constitution. Meaning? Women can be paid less than men for the same services (i.e., women are paid 82% of what men make). Furthermore, women may be denied opportunities for the same employment as men.
This inequity shows its ugly head in Evangelicalism. Most Evangelical churches do not permit women to be in senior pastor roles. Also, some Evangelical denominations (I’m looking at you, Southern Baptist Convention) do not allow women to be in any leadership role over men.
The term “feminist” is a slur amongst many Evangelicals (just as the word “gay” is disdained by many Evangelicals). Evangelicals generally believe that the man is the leader of the household (i.e., patriarchal family roles). The wife is to be subordinate to the husband. Recently there have been findings that homes that follow a patriarchal design may be prone to sexual, physical, or emotional abuse within the family (and once again, the Southern Baptist Convention seems to be a culprit).
Many housewives in America stay at home to care for their kids and run the household. This role decreases in time but is a valuable ideal for some Evangelical families. Thus, among Evangelicals, “family values” may connote the subordination to the husband, housewife imagery, and homeschooling for the children.
Most feminists chide the Evangelical model for women. And most Evangelical women return the favor.
Once again, Republicans attempt to curry favor among the Evangelical voters. Thus, some Republicans disdain feminism. However, these Republicans cannot overtly declare war on feminists. The Republicans absolutely need the vote of women!
So, many Republicans use the lofty phrase “family values” as their code to mean: “We do not support feminist ideals.” And many Evangelical women in patriarchal family systems roar their approval!
Anti-Black Rights
The story of White America’s racism against Blacks is putrid, and it goes back to America’s founding and continues today.
It should be obvious to everyone that slavery was an inhumane obligation for Blacks — a subordinate condition that included rapes, whippings, breaking up families, treating people in slavery as chattel (i.e., a personal possession, like a farm animal), and lynching any Black man who acted “uppity.”
Centuries of being impoverished have left many Black families destitute with no way to escape poverty. Simply put, all-too-many Blacks “have a higher hill to climb” compared to Whites. “Reparations” (i.e., paying money to Blacks to amend their impoverishment due to slavery) is a controversial subject. One city in America has paid reparations to those Blacks whose ancestors were in slavery. Still, America is a long way from equalizing the playing field.
Some White Evangelicals living in the southern states of America during the civil war — and thereafter — seem to have a “superiority entitlement” concerning their status compared to Blacks. They view Blacks as “lesser than” (just as some Evangelicals consider gays to be “lesser than”). Only 6% of the Southern Baptist Convention are Black.
In modern-day politics, Blacks are almost universally considered to be pro-Democrat. In fact, only 8% of Blacks voted for President Trump in 2020. Thus, some Republican political candidates try to minimize the horrors of slavery — or say that such occurred long ago and is no longer relevant. Case in point, Governor DeSantis considers the history of Black slavery (e.g., The 1619 Project”) to be “woke” and exaggerated. He even double-downed on his apparent belief that slavery had some benefit to Blacks.
Conclusion
You will hear many Republican political candidates declare that they are for “family values” — and their Evangelicals supporters will applaud the subject.
Well, now that you have read this article, you know the “code” behind the phrase “family values.”
Dr. Mike Rosebush (Ph.D., Counseling Psychology; he, him, his;) is the creator and editor of GAYoda, plus a writer for Backyard Church. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. He may be contacted at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
