Growing Up in the Shadow of My Father’s God

The Lifelong Tug-of-War Between Pastor’s Kids and Jesus

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The biggest rival for my father’s love was God.

I remember standing in the hallway outside my dad’s study, watching through the cracked door as he knelt in prayer. The sun hadn’t come up yet, but there he was — Bible open, head bowed, lost in conversation with a God I could never seem to reach. I was just a kid, still in pajamas, hoping for a moment of connection before school. But he didn’t hear me. Or maybe he did — and stayed with God anyway.

Everyone has their own share of hang-ups and complexities, but there’s a certain uniqueness to the experiences of pastors’ kids that often sets them apart. Call it fate, coincidence, or a touch of divine irony, but it seems that many of us who grew up as pastors’ kids — including me — carry a distinct flavor of “messed up.”

If I ran a support group for the grown-up kids of pastors, there would be plenty of potential attendees. So many of the pastor’s kids I know have walked away from their faith completely, or otherwise carry the scars of being in the spotlight of their father’s ‘special’ calling. It’s as if we’ve had a front-row seat to the complexities and contradictions of church life, and it has left an indelible mark on our faith, or what is left of it.