How Religion Can Keep You from Ever Meeting God

When Spiritual Language Becomes the Perfect Disguise for the Unexamined Self

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When I was in my mid thirties and working as a pastor, I thought I was doing pretty well in the spiritual maturity department. I’d been leading for years, mentoring others, running small groups, preaching on humility. I genuinely believed I was self-aware, emotionally grounded, and spiritually steady.

Then came my annual performance review.

I remember sitting in that fluorescent lit office, feeling quietly confident. I’d prepared thoughtful reflections, highlighted ministry wins, even included a few growth areas to show how humble I was trying to be. But then I turned the page to the anonymous feedback section and saw one comment that hit me like a punch to the gut:

“He has so much to learn about what it means to be a man.”

Ouch.

I remember blinking at the page.

It felt like someone had slapped me. My first thought was, Who the hell wrote that? My second was, What would they know about being a man? I wanted to throw the paper across the room. I wanted to track down whoever wrote it and make them regret it.