Six Silly Things That Evangelicals Tell Gay Christians
I’m not making this stuff up!
Dear Evangelical Brothers-in-Christ,
I love you and wish only the best for you.
Evangelicals and gay Christians sometimes speak in different languages. Occasionally, a common phrase used by Evangelicals is considered laughable to us gay Christians. Having been an Evangelical for 46 years and then an Exvangelical for two years, I believe I can speak both languages — and thus serve as an interpreter.
So, I want to point out six statements that Evangelicals tell us gay Christians. We find these messages funny — in a tragic way! And we hope you will stop saying such nonsense.
Here goes.
1. “He is a practicing gay.”
My dear Brothers, it takes us gay men no practice at all to experience our same-sex attraction. It comes by us quite naturally! 😊
Perhaps what Evangelicals mean by the statement is that a particular gay man “is promiscuous in engaging in anal intercourse.”
Evangelicals seem too timid to use the phrase “anal intercourse.” However, if that sexual act is what they are referring to, then “man-up” and use the proper term.
I do thank you, Evangelicals, for inventing this silly phrase. I might “return the favor” by describing a straight man who engages in promiscuous vaginal intercourse as “He is a practicing straight.” 😊
2. “He is into the gay lifestyle.”
Oh really? Do you presume all gay men have a common lifestyle? Here is a hint: we do not.
I imagine what Evangelicals mean by that phrase is that some gay men “are promiscuous in engaging in anal intercourse.”
To be absolutely clear, there is no such thing as “the gay lifestyle.” Some gay men are promiscuous — some frequent gay establishments. Some do not. I, for one, am not promiscuous — I am sexually faithful to my husband. I have only once been to a gay establishment. And I usually go to sleep at 9 pm. Wow, what a wild lifestyle I have!
Again, I will return the favor: “He is into the straight lifestyle.” How would you, as an Evangelical, feel if you learned that the definition of “the straight lifestyle” was: “men who regularly frequent cowboy bars, get drunk, pick up anonymous women, have vaginal intercourse together in a one-night stand without using a condom, and discard each other the next morning?” Not cool, is it?
3. “If you just give your life to Jesus, He will heal you.”
First, by definition, all gay Christians have already “given their life up to Jesus.” I certainly have. And so have the thousands of other gay Christians I have had the privilege of coaching. 😊 Isn’t it a bit arrogant to presume that you (a straight Evangelical) have given your life to Jesus — but we gays have never had such a spiritual conversion? We gay Christians love and follow Jesus just as much as you straight Evangelicals.
Second, in what ways do we gay Christians need healing? Healing from the dreaded “promiscuous anal intercourse?” It is laughably absurd to presume that every gay Christian is promiscuous! 😊
Furthermore, if we turned the tables, would you Evangelicals appreciate me telling you, “If you just give your life up to Jesus, He will heal you?” I suspect you would be very indignant that I made such a gross presumption that you lacked a sincere relationship with Jesus. Furthermore, you may not see yourself needing healing. Welcome to the club.
4. “If you persevere in your faith, God will make you straight.”
How laughably naïve! 😊 Actually, this statement is untrue and intensely hurtful.
First, there are many gay Christians who have steadfastly prayed — and trusted — that God would make them straight. All have failed to make such a conversion. I have coached thousands of gay Christians and have never met even one man who could tell me that his same-sex attraction has completely disappeared.
Furthermore, the statement presumes that being straight is better than being gay! 😊 Sure, some cultures treat gays worse than straights. However, in terms of confidence, peace, and happiness, being gay is every bit as good as being straight. We gay Christians can confidently experience peace within our sexual identity. We gay Christians can also enjoy the rewards of being married. Yep. Believe it or not, we gay Christians may find more peace than Evangelicals.
Here is an insider’s secret that will rock the world of Evangelical straights: we gay Christians do not want to be like you!
Try this phrase for a minute: “If you persevere in your faith, God will make you gay.” There is absolutely nothing “more right” or “more wrong” with being gay or straight. And no amount of persevering faith will turn a straight man into being gay — or a gay Christian into a straight man.
5. “There is no such thing as a ‘gay Christian.’ That is an oxymoron.”
In reality, it is a moron who would make such an uninformed statement! 😊
Trust me, I am both gay and a Christian. I deeply align with Jesus. He loves me and will never leave me. I love Jesus and will never leave Him.
Whoever uses the above statement probably assumes the word “gay” is equivalent to “engages in promiscuous anal intercourse.” In reality, being “gay” is a human condition. It simply is a different attraction. The term “gay” does not refer to homoerotic behavior. Many straight prisoners have anal intercourse with other men — but they would be infuriated to be called “gay.”
Would you be pleased if I said to you, “There is no such thing as a ‘straight Christian.’ That is an oxymoron.”
6. “Being gay is a sin.”
Oh gosh, I incredulously shake my head every time I hear this harmful phrase. How can having a same-sex attraction (that you never chose and that never leaves you) be a sin? Again, I assume someone making that claim would define “gay” as “having promiscuous anal intercourse.” That is a laughable definition to those of us who are gay Christians. 😊 We view such a statement as being either underinformed or grossly prejudicial.
In order for me to help you feel the injustice, suppose I insisted that “being straight is a sin” — and I repeated that mantra a zillion times. First, the statement is a horrific overgeneralization. Some, but not all, straights live a sinful life. Second, someone who exclusively has an opposite-sex attraction is not automatically a sinner. He simply is who he is — a straight man. A gay Christian is simply who he is — a gay man.
Conclusion
I love Evangelicals and I am now an Exvangelical. I want them to thrive in all ways, and I hope they have that same positivity for me.
Please know, Evangelicals, that the above six messages you provide to gay Christians are sometimes laughable — and sometimes very hurtful. I assume you Evangelicals do not intend to purposefully harm us gay Christians. So, before you provide us gays with such a pithy phrase, please appreciate how it would sound to you if we reversed roles.
After all, treat your neighbor in the way in which you would like to be treated.
Dr. Mike Rosebush (Ph.D., Counseling Psychology; he, him, his;) is the creator and editor of GAYoda, plus a writer for Backyard Church. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. He may be contacted at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
