Forced Education

Teachers Now Forced to Explain Adultery to 5-Year-Olds

“Don’t Raw Dog” Added to Kindergarten Lessons

Photo by note thanun on Unsplash

You got a double-doozy to teach in the morning. You need to tell kids sliding into your neighbor’s wife’s DMs is ‘coveting thy neighbor’s wife,’ and when you go over and have intercourse, that’s ’committing adultery.’

That’s two of the Ten Commandments kindergartners will have to learn, now that a new law was passed in Louisiana, that they shall post the commandments in every classroom in the state.

Teachers’ new syllabuses include a new breakdown to explain coveting & adultery. You need to learn biblical law, which isn’t Christianity otherwise it’s a sin.

Children should now know:

• If you’re ‘lookin’ over the fence’, that means you’re checking out the wife next door. The man desires to fornicate with her, but hasn’t done the full action of intercourse yet. That’s a sin. [Coveting]
• If you use a condom while having sex with anyone other than you’re wife, that’s a sin. [Adultery]
• If you don’t use a condom and have sex with anyone other than your wife, that’s also a sin. [Adultery]
• If you ‘spill your seed’ in a woman who isn’t your wife, that’s a sin. [Adultery]
• If you spill your seed on another woman’s back, who isn’t your wife, when you pull out, that’s a sin. [Adultery]
• If you look at a bikini picture of another woman, and/or your literal neighbor’s wife, and masturbate to it, that’s a sin. [Coveting]
• If you get drunk to work up the courage, to proposition a woman who isn’t your wife, that’s a sin. [Coveting]
• If you have relations with a woman who isn’t your wife, even through a hole in the sheet, that’s not a loophole. That’s a sin. [Adultery]
• If you suggest to have a Key Party, hoping you and another woman, who isn’t your wife, match up, that’s a sin. [Coveting]
• If you lie to a woman and say you aren’t married, so you can have sex with her, that’s a sin. [Bearing False Witness, Coveting]
• If you lie to a woman and say you aren’t married, so you can have sex with her, and you do, that’s a sin. [Bearing False Witness, Adultery]

Kids may learn all of this before the ‘Birds & The Bees’ talk, but The Bible and its Ten Commandments now take precedent in Louisiana.

The Ten Commandments are featured in The Old Testament and are not part of Christianity, but that. doesn’t mean anything to Republican lawmakers. They need children to know as early as possible that if you’re married to your wife, don’t ever cheat on her.

Amen.