The Dark Side of Divine Punishment and Parenting
Exploring the Lasting Impact of Punitive Theology on Families and Faith
The other day, as I was doing my chaplaincy rounds at the hospital where I work, I was called to the emergency department to speak to the partner of a dying man. John, a barely conscious 81-year-old man, was lying in the bed. James, his partner, was sitting in that small room in tears, grieving the imminent death of his loved one.
What was heartbreaking for me was that James was blaming himself — he believed that he must have done something wrong for his partner to suffer. In that man’s eyes, the only real reason John was lying in that bed dying was not because he was elderly and had a host of health issues but because God was punishing him — James— maybe even for some sin in a past life because he could not figure out what he had done wrong in this one.
As I tried to understand where his inclination toward self-blame came from, it became clear that his religious upbringing played a significant role. I’m not making any judgments about his faith, but James had been deeply influenced by the belief that suffering was a form of divine punishment, leading him to conclude that he must have done something wrong.
