The Definitive List of Reasons Why God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayers

It’s obvious, you stupid heathen…

Dan Foster
Backyard Church
Published in
4 min readJun 4, 2024

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Dear New Christian,

As a much older, wiser Christian, I feel it is incumbent upon me to clear a few things up for you about the issue of prayer — specifically why God doesn’t answer yours.

Let me boil it down for you: It’s all your fault. You’re doing it wrong.

But don’t despair. As someone who has a thorough knowledge of the Bible and a deep understanding of how God works, I am pleased to provide you, a young novice, with the answers.

Yes, God has answered your prayers for an answer to why God doesn’t answer your prayers. And he has done it through me. So, I have drawn on every bit of my three and a half decades of experience in the evangelical church to compile a definitive list of reasons why our Holy God ignores your unholy utterings.

This advice comes from the thousands of sermons I’ve listened to, along with the off-handed remarks I’ve heard from my fellow hardcore fundamentalist Christians. Plus, I’ve included a bit of extra stuff that I made up myself under the divine inspiration of the Spirit, obviously. Think of this list as your personal guide on what you’re doing wrong when it comes to prayer.

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Dan Foster
Backyard Church

Writer, Poet, Blogger: Tackling life, faith, culture, religion, politics, and spirituality. Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/DanFosterWriter