The Fort Formal Christian Church Welcomes You
But welcomes you more if you are dressed appropriately
We cordially welcome you to the Fort Formal Christian Church. Our meeting times are posted on our sign, and we start promptly. Please arrive promptly, even if you are a first-time visitor just trying to find the building, as we cannot have the serious sanctimony of our worship disturbed by the opening and closing of doors.
Here at Fort Formal, we are the last bastion against laxness, immodesty, and all things casual.
Worshipping God should be like a wedding, or a funeral, meeting between lawyers, or a first date with a member of the upper middle class.
Direct your attention to the worship program. There will absolutely, in every service, be the same number of songs and prayers, the exact same sermon length. Could you imagine the chaos that would erupt of not?
For those selected for the Eucharist, make sure you wear the appropriate attire the Lord wants: buttoned shirt, tie, dress pants and sport-coat. Check that you are equal distance from the presider as the brother on the other side, and that your hands are locked either in the front or back, close to the belt buckle. Ideally, the taller ones should be in the middle and the shorter ones to the side, for symmetry.
