The Manliness Myth: Unpacking Toxic Masculinity in the Church
Why the Church’s View of Manhood Needs an Upgrade
The annual men’s retreat at my former church felt like an annual reminder that I wasn’t all that manly.
Each September, the men in the church would head off on a 4WD driving weekend in the mountains. It was like clockwork — by the end of winter each year, the conversation would turn to how high their trucks could climb, how rugged the trails were, or the best camping gear to bring. Every man in the church seemed to have a 4WD that could probably crush boulders, with enormous tires and engines that roared like they were straight out of a monster truck rally. And then there was me, pulling into the church parking lot in my tiny Ford Festiva hatchback.
The retreat always kicked off with a casual ‘gear check’ that felt more like a flexing contest. Guys would proudly show off their new tools or gadgets — chainsaws, axes, gear for building fires from nothing but flint and sheer willpower. Meanwhile, I was standing there with a lightweight sleeping bag and a small cooler with a couple of sandwiches. And, of course, I would have to hitch a ride with another man.
The whole weekend felt like a crash course in what a Christian man was supposed to be — rugged, tough, self-sufficient. The church…