The Straight Relationship. The Gay Relationship.
God’s shocking blueprint
Straight and gay relationships alike appear to follow a divine blueprint. Evangelicals and post-evangelicals, however, apply this blueprint in very different ways. Come and see the blueprint and the contrasting applications!
The Straight Relationship
Here is what I learned about myself during my early relationship with my straight wife.
I noticed her; a physical attraction to her beauty and sexiness. I spotted her out of a crowd of women and men, and my eyes stayed locked onto her. I shyly wanted to meet up with her, but I assumed she might not want anything to do with me. I courageously approached her in person. I hoped she would be interested in me. Oh my gosh, was I ever excited by all that she presented: a polished gem. She confidently talked about the same topics that I enjoyed. We seemed to connect at a deeper level (at the soul?). I esteemed her.
While I had engaged in physical affection with other women, I did not want to go too fast with her. I wanted to see her nude and experience her body — and yet, I was willing to wait on her pace. I wanted to “go steady” with her — to have an exclusive relationship only between the two of us. I wanted to be with her and no one else — forever. Dear Lord, how wonderful it would be if she could one day be my wife! I can imagine a wonderful life with her!!
Here is the sequence of our straight relationship. Physical attraction to that woman over other people. A desire to get to know her. Super respect for her. Strong feelings of connection and similarities (e.g., shared interests and values). Constant yearning to meet with her regularly. I longed to be with her when we were away; experienced great excitement and appreciation when we were together. I enjoyed physical affection with her. It was hard to resist having intercourse with her. I wanted to be together — “until death do us part.” And she agreed!
Attraction. Respect. Shared values. Longing, excitement, appreciation. Physical affection. Lifetime commitment.
The Gay Relationship
Here is what I learned about myself during my early relationship with my gay husband.
I noticed him; a physical attraction to his handsome sexiness. I spotted him out of a crowd of men, and my eyes stayed locked onto him. I shyly wanted to meet up with him, but I assumed he might not want anything to do with me. I courageously approached him in person. I hoped he would be interested in me. Oh my gosh, was I ever excited by all that he presented: a rare gem. We effortlessly engaged in deep and personal conversations. We seemed to connect at a deeper level (at the soul?). I esteemed him.
While I had engaged in physical affection with other men, I did not want to go too fast with him. I wanted to see him nude and experience his body — and yet, I was willing to wait on his pace. I wanted to “go steady” with him — to have an exclusive relationship only between the two of us. I wanted to be with him and no one else — forever. Dear Lord, how wonderful it would be if he could one day be my husband! I can imagine a wonderful life with him!
Here is the sequence of our relationship. Physical attraction to that man over others. A desire to get to know him. Super respect for him. Strong feelings of connection and similarities (e.g., shared interests and values). Constant yearning to meet with him regularly. I longed to be with him when we were away; experienced great excitement and appreciation when we were together. I enjoyed physical affection with him. It was hard to resist having intercourse with him. I wanted to be together — “until death do us part.” And he agreed!
Attraction. Respect. Shared values. Longing, excitement, appreciation. Physical affection. Lifetime commitment.
So you tell me: what’s the difference between a straight relationship and a gay relationship?
Jesus has this particular habit of loving ALL people — exactly as they are. Jesus also happens to be very high on the need for relationships.
God’s Blueprint
My own life experiences have taught me a very important discovery: God seems to have a blueprint for all human, monogamous relationships. The sexual identity pairing appears not to matter: straight with straight; straight with gay; gay with gay.
So, if I am correct (and I think I am), ALL monogamous relationships ought to be viewed as identical in goodness, with completely equal rights.
Sadly, such is not currently the case with evangelical Christians compared to post-evangelical Christians, as described below.
Evangelical Application of the Blueprint
Evangelicals are a major branch of Protestantism. Their distinctive is an adherence to the “sola scriptura” principle. Sola scriptura maintains that there is, basically, only one true source for truth: the bible. Evangelicals, therefore, hold that God personally inspired every author of the bible to pen a divine message. This divine message is viewed as without error (i.e., “inerrant” or “infallible”) and is the only trustworthy source for truth. Often the bible text is considered straightforward in its meaning — a literal, simple, everlasting explanation of truth — regardless of culture and time. Thus, the bible serves as a set of rules for good living. The evangelical motto could be: “God said it; I believe it; that settles it.”
Furthermore, once-upon-a-time key religious leaders formed their particular doctrine (or dogma). Their doctrine was based upon the leader’s understanding of how certain bible passages factor together. Subsequently, evangelicals split over whose doctrine is the actual truth — creating dozens of different evangelical denominations. Today, seminaries are formed in concert with doctrine. Accordingly, pastors teach their specific doctrine in their particular denominational local church. Evangelical tribes fight over whose doctrine will reign supreme — and whose tithe money will support the local churches.
Evangelicals have a penchant for valuing the definition of sinful practices. Often, a central role of evangelicalism is “holiness” — and thus, one must abstain from all sin.
Enter homosexuality.
Some evangelical denominations view same-sex attraction (in itself) to be sinful and in need of sexual reorientation. Other denominations do not consider the attraction, per se, as evil. Rather, a gay relationship and gay eroticism (especially anal intercourse) are believed to be sinful. Thus, virtually every evangelical denomination, pastor, and person believe that gay relationships and marriage are sinful.
Accordingly, evangelicalism provides only limited rights to gay individuals who attend the evangelical churches. Examples include: not calling oneself “gay;” no open expression of physical affection; barred from attending the same training as straights (e.g., premarital or parental training); no equal opportunities to hold the same church positions as straight members; and of course, no allowance for gay marriage.
Post-Evangelical Application of the Blueprint
Post-evangelicals are, naturally, people who were once evangelical (even passionately so!). However, in many cases, a person’s life experiences within evangelicalism caused them to question the sola scriptura principle. Such individuals still are committed to Jesus and appreciate the high value of the bible. However, they additionally view truth as attainable by personal experience, personalized revelation from the Holy Spirit, logic, and science. Furthermore, they consider the bible not as inerrant or infallible. But instead as a very valuable interpretation of God’s revelations. Such bible understanding depends on the original author’s purpose, audience, and cultural/historical setting.
Post-evangelicals have a penchant for pointing out that Jesus fulfilled all bible commands for us. They emphasize that the only bible command we must “get right” (to demonstrate our allegiance to Jesus) is His “Law of Love.” Specifically, the need to love all people with Jesus’ humble, kind service. “Love is love” is a common motto of post-evangelicals.
Enter homosexuality.
Post-evangelicals view gay relationships and marriage as simply another expression of God’s monogamous blueprint. Accordingly, gay relationships and marriage are merely the normal pathway for a gay couple — identical to the straight or mixed-orientation monogamous path.
Thus, gay rights within the global Christian Church become a “social justice” issue — equal rights for gay relationships compared to straight relationships. Post-evangelicals emphasize that Jesus was all about fairness for the marginalized — and He especially showered love upon the oppressed. Post-evangelicals view evangelicals as entrenched in upholding rules that have already been satisfied by Jesus — while missing the central goal of love for all neighbors. To be blunt, post-evangelicals view evangelicals as similar to the Pharisees of Jesus’ day: placing heavy loads onto the backs of gays without lifting a finger to help them. “Woe to them,” declared Jesus. And “woe to them,” say the post-evangelicals.
In summary, I believe there is a divine blueprint for ALL monogamous relationships. I believe every human deserves equal dignity — not because of their works, but simply because they are endowed with dignity by God. And Jesus has this particular habit of loving ALL people — exactly as they are. Jesus also happens to be very high on the need for relationships.
“So God created humankind in the image of God. Yahweh God said, ‘It is not good for humankind to be alone.’” (Genesis 1:27; 2:18)
Dr. Mike Rosebush has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. He is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor who has mentored thousands of gay Christian men.
You may want to read a short synopsis of his story here.
You may read his many other Medium articles here.
Today, he provides friendship support to gay men across the U.S. and can be contacted via Facebook.
