Unhappy Birthday

How to Say, “Happy Birthday,” to Someone who Isn’t Happy

On my birthday I received a greeting from a good friend. It went something like this:

Now straight up, I want to say that this person is a wonderful and supportive friend and I sincerely appreciate that they went to the effort of sending me a birthday greeting. However, this awkward message — one among many I received — got me thinking. How do you say, “Happy Birthday,” to someone who is going through a difficult time in life?

Face it. There are many reasons why a birthday might not be a happy day. Those who are experiencing grief, loss, illness or depression might find it hard to laugh, play and celebrate their special day. What about the unfortunate soul whose birthday happens to be the anniversary of some kind of traumatic event? (I have a friend whose Mother also passed away on their birthday) How about the elderly, the divorcee, the widow, the unemployed? What about someone who feels incredibly anxious or fearful about the coming year — maybe even that their best years are all behind them? God forbid… how do you say, “Happy Birthday” to someone who might be celebrating their birthday for the very last time?

Coming up with the right words to say can feel like a hopeless task, and we may be tempted to simply say nothing. But, of course, this…