Member-only story
Who Doesn’t Deserve Empathy? One Christian Has an Answer
Conditional Compassion and the Theological Gymnastics of Gatekeeping Grace
I remember the first time a kid told me he was gay.
He was 15, terrified, and convinced that God hated him.
His parents were church leaders. His entire life had been wrapped in Christian culture — Sunday school, youth group, family devotions. And yet, here he was, looking me in the eye and bracing for rejection.
“I’ve prayed,” he said. “I’ve begged God to take this away. But He hasn’t. I don’t know what to do.”
I remember the weight of that moment. How I could see in his face that he had already asked himself the question that so many LGBTQ kids raised in the church ask:
Would it be better if I just didn’t exist?
And I remember what I didn’t say.
I didn’t tell him his feelings were sinful.
I didn’t quote a Bible verse and send him on his way.
I didn’t tell him that love — real, Christlike love — was only available if he changed.
I just sat with him. Listened. Made sure he knew he wasn’t alone.
