Why Should I Forgive When Holding On Feels Like the Safer Option?
The Struggle Between Self-Preservation and Healing
Forgiveness is a bitch. It breathes down my neck, making me twitch. It keeps me awake. Wrestling with it, I try to make it go away and leave me alone with my angry thoughts. I hate forgiveness. If I give in, if I bow to its demands, I might lose something. Something I find empowering, energizing, protective, even.
So why would I?
However, as I’ve watched some important people in my life struggle to forgive I think, How lame! Give it up, already! It’s been decades. Jeez. Just forgive and move on with your life. Naturally, it’s easier to see the problem when it’s not me.
If I am brutally honest, I love to hang on to my righteous indignation toward the person who caused pain in my life. Of course, I have really good reasons. What I have gone through, and what I have endured is nothing to sniff at.
However, in certain Christian circles when we experience pain or hardship, it is seen as punishment or payment for sin. Since we have no theology or way of dealing with suffering that meets our reality, a coping mechanism is to endlessly retell our stories, trying to atone for the experience. We hang on to the memories trying to find meaning for what seemed…
