Just One More $40 In-App Purchase and I’ll Stop Feeling Dead Inside

Sure, I could be saving up for a car or real estate or something; but that’s the cost of being on top. You don’t reach my position on the Leaderboard without making a few enemies…my face in the mirror, for starters. Yes, I have demons. But look what I’ve accomplished. Just last week, I dropped 2000 diamonds on a Tree of Love like it was nothing. Did it add anything to my kingdom or sense of personal achievement? Not at all. But it had that certain je ne sais quoi. I used to sit at my computer during lunch — bitter tears salting Hillshire Farms cold cuts. Now, I’m too busy harvesting crops and defending a status that ultimately has no meaning! Not to mention I’m pretty sure the app wouldn’t survive without my substantial financial support. It’s just nice to be a part of something bigger than myself. They say money can’t buy happiness, but I’m living proof it can buy tiny digital gems.