TINY SAUSAGE CHRONICLES/BAD VACATION PROMPT
I Brought A Vienna Sausage to a Polish Sausage Party
My experience on a nude beach for the first time
Why did I even think that it was a good idea to go with my friends to the nude beach in the first place? I knew that they were all well-endowed and I even try to cover up at the urinals in the men’s bathroom by shadowing my belly over the entirety of the bowl so that no light could possibly get in to highlight the little that I’m working with.
I was also the smallest member of the group so even if there was something there, it was hidden under a layer of hair and disappointment. None of my friends had ever seen me naked before that day. I think that I was about to majorly disappoint them.
After all, there was one time when I was at a gay bar when I was in my early 20s and an older man accosted me to my surprise and asked, “Is that all you’re working with, child?” and gave me a sad, disappointed look.
In fact, that day would be the day that I’d reveal publicly to a bunch of nude gay men that I was not the hottest one on the block to trot and disappoint everyone around me. I’d be offering bite-sized samples for them to taste among a huge assortment of not-so-small samples. I mean, sure, there was the occasional normal-sized one flopping around, but from my perspective, it still seemed that they were packing more than me.
And gay nude beaches aren’t what I thought they were. So people aren’t having sex with each other the whole time? That was interesting to see. I mean there was the occasional tomfoolery but nothing too explicit to explain here.
I was single at the time. My friends knew it wasn’t really my style to be too forward with anyone and they tried to get me to go up to guys in the total buff and just proposition someone right there. The time to find my courage wasn’t certainly going to be at a nude beach with my bite-sized hot dog out there for everyone to see. To make matters worse, I hadn’t shaved in years down there when we went so not only did it look like a hot dog but it looked like a hot dog that was dropped into tall grass or something like that.
Good thing it was a hot day. At least I had the deception of the heat to make it look a little bigger than it normally was. If this had been winter, I’d have been surprised if you could even see it. Well, anyway, as we were walking down this busy yet secluded gay beach, we found a spot where we set up camp. My friends quickly took off their clothes and they all had shimmering, slightly hairy bodies, and beautifully thick Polish sausages to show to everyone around us.
I was much slower to get my clothes off and much more hesitant. In fact, as I was getting my underwear off to completely undress, I still had my hands over the thing I was trying to conceal the whole time. I didn’t mind them staring at the rest of my body. It was the one thing that I was covering that I was the most insecure about.
“Come on, show us what you’ve got, we want to see it,” they taunted.
“Fine, but you’re not going to be satisfied with what you see,” I warned.
“Oh, come on, no one out here cares,” they urged.
I uncovered the package. They all gasped and there was an awkward moment of silence. “At least you don’t have a micropenis,” one of my friends joked.
“Haha, like that was supposed to break the tension, guys?” I uncomfortably chuckled and asked.
“What? It’s not that small. It’s not big but it’s nothing you needed to be ashamed of,” another one of them pleaded with me.
“Well, now you can see why I did hide it all this time. Can we just be done with talking about it?” I snapped back with a harsher tone than before.
That was the last time this trip we talked about it but I just stayed self-conscious about it the whole time as we were nude sunbathing and then skinny dipping. We left never mentioning the incident afterward. I just feel like the bad part of this vacation is that I even had the insecurity in the first place.
Although, I really did have some reason to worry as I’m not sure if that revelation was the reason we all stopped hanging out eventually. Honestly, I don’t think that gay guys are that shallow, but you never know. At least after I showed it, they didn’t force me to do what they were talking about on the way there.
UNRELATED LESSON FOLLOWED BY A TIE-IN BACK TO THE STORY: Walking is good for your health. Walking for just 30 minutes a day increases cardiovascular health, strengthens your bones, reduces excess fat, and boosts your muscles. It also helps reduce your risk for type 2 diabetes and heart disease along with some cancers and osteoporosis. I wish that my body would let me walk that long.
I’d be lucky if I don’t get winded walking from the truck to the bathroom. With that being said, it’s very hard living with a tiny sausage. In the locker room, the kids used to call me, “Pecker and Chode” due to the size of my stuff down there. I didn’t really pay much attention to it at the time and would sometimes join in and make fun of myself with them which lessened the effect of their taunting but not all kids have my resiliency.
Bullying is a very serious issue in this country and certainly shouldn't be taken lightly. Don’t ever let it stand when you hear about kids getting bullied for their penis size in PE. If you are in a position to, stand up for them and say that body shaming isn’t cool.
Also, being disabled and short in those important places makes you feel less of a man at times. Normalize being cool and just leaving other people alone no matter how much you want to say something. This has been a PSA brought to you today by the National Sturg Council on Bullying and Body Shaming. Thank you for your time.
