I’ll Start with Two Cats…

Hey. HEY.

I wanna tellya ‘bout somma tha other cats I gotta live with, ‘cuz they’re annoying, and if I gotta deal with ’em, so do you.

So first off, there’s this guy.

He’s a pain in my tuchus. This guy eats *everything*, and he’s got tha guts ta sit and watch me eat, and then he tries to snake my food! Like he don’t have his own food! Can ya believe that? Guts.

He’s also gotta stick with a ball on it that he likes ta drag around tha house, and he makes a rackit, hootin’ and hollerin’ like we care about his darned ball and stick.

Thing is, though, he’s got some…issues. I heard my people talkin’ ‘bout it one day. Somethin’ ‘bout how his brain don’t work right, and sometimes he falls over and twitches a lot, and it scares the people. Ya wouldn’t know it ta look at ‘im — he seems fine. But yeah, every once in awhile…the twitchin’.

His best friend is this guy.

My people got ’em at the same time — they were inna cage together. I don’t like cages. They’re cold, and they hurt my bones, and they *pause*…wait…I was talkin’ ‘bout…Cats. Not cages. Anywho.

The grey one ain’t real smart, and he’s afraid a’ just about everythin’. Which is funny, cuz he ain’t no small cat, and if he wanted ta, he could hurt ya real good. But he don’t, cuz he’d rather run from ya. Unless you gotta stick. These boy cats sure do like them sticks.

He likes ta eat stuff, too. Dunno if that’s cuz a’ who he’s friends with or what, but my people, they can’t have lotsa different stuff in tha house, cuz he’ll eat it. And then he barfs on my carpet, and I don’ like that. He ate the woman’s dress once. She was mad. And then he pooped some floofy fabric for a day, and hadda go ta the vet. Better him than me. He was fine, though. Shame.

Alrighty. There’s four other cats ta tell ya ‘bout, but I’m tired and gettin’ cranky — it’s time for my nap.